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[QUOTE=WestCoast1;1469685]I've used DIA and CB (paid) on / off for a number of years. Years ago I had the standard vague profile. I said the standard vague things in online chat, ala what X-Man described in the Manila thread. Then one time in AC, my wingman suggested that I try the direct method.[/QUOTE]Thanks WC1,
I'll try a more direct approach. Thanks for the PM also.
I tried that once, but she kept hedging- waste of time. Even when I'm friendly with the online gays, they haven't come up with a REAL girl. As someone wisely said earlier, ignore that which you do not seek (my paraphrase). And when it comes to the one-pic DIA, it is highly recommended to get a cam or FB view.
Once I was passing thru a market and noticed something cute and young. From behind me a chubby female fish monger asked,"You like my daughter?". Awkward.
[QUOTE=Hutsori;1469889]You, sir, are the real deal. Well played.[/QUOTE]
One of my Manila friends who is a professional woman who I have known for around 8 or 10 years just told me how she joined a dating site 2 weeks ago.
She said that she posted 2 pics showing her well-dressed and in her work environment, and a profile that was very short seeking decent friends for a long-term relationship.
First message she received was from a South Asian "gentleman" telling her that he was visiting Manila in mid-October and asking if she would stay with him in his hotel in Makati for 3 days and have regular sex with him.
He would give her $600 USD if she agreed.
She was dumbfounded and seriously offended and sought my views on just what would prompt anyone to make such an insulting request, and in his FIRST contact with her too. She was actually in tears when she told me.
I could only reassure her that not all foreigners use such a direct approach and that she did the right thing in just blocking him.
There is discussion in this thread about making profiles reasonably clear and direct about what you are seeking, but for a guy to go straight for the jugular like this in his first message to a potential contact is not very cool. I suppose some guys will say that it cuts out a lot of time-wasting but personally I think it shows an extreme lack of any class.
[QUOTE=Red Kilt; 1470757] ... a profile that was very short seeking decent friends for a long-term relationship.
There is discussion in this thread about making profiles reasonably clear and direct about what you are seeking, but for a guy to go straight for the jugular like this in his first message to a potential contact is not very cool. I suppose some guys will say that it cuts out a lot of time-wasting but personally I think it shows an extreme lack of any class.[/QUOTE]Red, you make an excellent point here. There is the girl's profile, and then there is the guy's; it's a distinction that's certainly not too fine for anyone to miss, the lines are clear, but some guys are brazen oafs.
I, and I'll assume some of those here who use frank profiles, don't initiate contact with a girl other than visiting her profile. Almost every girl's profile I've read is like your friend's, and I just wouldn't feel comfortable propositioning her out of the blue. I don't even send a basic "Hi" message. Why? I read her profile, I know what she's looking for, it doesn't match what I'm looking for, and I haven't been told the contrary. (There are some instances when a profile is so well done I send the girl a message telling her I appreciated a good read. I say nothing about meeting. I don't invite her to read my profile.) If and when she visits my profile AND either messages me or sends an interest message then I send either a direct response or a probe. I thank her for contacting me. If I'm absolutely positive she read my profile then I'm direct about inviting her to come to my condo. If I'm uncertain whether she's read my profile I ask her this directly. I ask whether she understands what I'm looking for. Seventy per cent of the time her response is that indeed she read it and is interested in meeting on my terms. Of the other 30 per cent the girl admits she hadn't read it and isn't looking for such a meeting or she doesn't even bother to reply.
I'm able to weed out those with a low-success likelihood whilst being civil.
I think a simple guideline is this: If you visit a girl's profile and send her a message you have to work within the confines of her profile. Over time you can see whether the boundaries are flexible.
Red, to your friend I certainly sympathise. Sadly, I reckon she's in for much more like that over time. Some girls respond by informing the sender that his message was rude, and then she receives a full on nuclear attack. Good of her to just block and move on. Even better to report the sender's message as inappropriate - it's good for all of us when a guy like that is purged. I'd also encourage her to join a website where the men have to pay to send messages, such as FC. If a guy's account is in jeopardy he's more inclined to behave himself.
[QUOTE=Red Kilt; 1470757]SNIP.
He would give her $600 USD if she agreed.
She was dumbfounded and seriously offended and sought my views on just what would prompt anyone to make such an insulting request, and in his FIRST contact with her too. She was actually in tears when she told me.[/QUOTE]Let me take a crack:
1. Half the guys out there on dating sites (or, any large percentage) are looking for crude things."Show me your t*ts." Or,"lets have sex when I get there." There are few ways to control that.
2. Your friend is pinay. Obviously not all pinay are alike, but you will have to admit, many gents here routinely talk about using DIA and such as a place to chat pinay (nonpro) for sex. We even have a separate thread here on a sex board for dating site girls (this one!). A large number of pinay with dating profiles are selling cam shows. This will sound crude, but its worth saying: your friend is pinay. Such a large number of them are involved in the cam show, meeting foreigners for sex, scamming, and begging money (so much more so than girls from other countries, that antiscamming websites such as dragonladies have oodles of such stories and are 99. 9% pinay. Not thai, indo, or viet. This gives the pinay a distinct rep). The pinay sisterhood is somewhat to blame for "Show me your t*ts" attitude. Your friend has done nothing wrong, but her sisters have invited this crappy response upon each other. Your professional friend will have to get used to the 'ignore' button.
[QUOTE=Red Kilt;1470757]There is discussion in this thread about making profiles reasonably clear and direct about what you are seeking, but for a guy to go straight for the jugular like this in his first message to a potential contact is not very cool. I suppose some guys will say that it cuts out a lot of time-wasting but personally I think it shows an extreme lack of any class.[/QUOTE]I'm one of the few that admits to putting up a direct profile (a few weeks at a time). To be clear, I don't contact the ladies. I don't even contact those that 'view' my profile with a 'thanks for viewing'. Any woman who contacts me is looking for sex, or didn't read the profile. I'd recommend others who post such a profile do the same (so many fish to choose from).
[QUOTE=WestCoast1;1470890]. SNIP. Your friend has done nothing wrong, but her sisters have invited this crappy response upon each other. Your professional friend will have to get used to the 'ignore' button.[/QUOTE]I don't disagree with anything you said WC and I wasn't really expecting any responses to my post.
I was merely pointing out that there are some "brazen oafs" (to use Hutsori's term) around who cannot discern a working girl / girl seeking sex / hot to trot profile from a regular one.
I was NOT referring to direct posts that guys might make. Entirely different.
I was merely suggesting that there are ways to be "direct and up front" in contacting women on dating sites. My example was one of the ways NOT to do it (IMHO)
[QUOTE=Red Kilt;1470906]I was merely pointing out that there are some "brazen oafs" (to use Hutsori's term) around who cannot discern a working girl / girl seeking sex / hot to trot profile from a regular one.[/QUOTE]When I first joined the dating sites I received messages from women keen to come over for sex, yet whose profiles explicitly stated they were "not for play","stay away perverts", etc. In my conversations with them I remarked that there was disconnect in what their profiles stated they were looking for, LTR, and what I was looking for, sex. In their replies I was told to not worry about that and that they knew what was in store when they came over. Sometimes discerning what a girl wants is tough.
[QUOTE=Hutsori;1470947]Sometimes discerning what a girl wants is tough.[/QUOTE]One of history's great understatements!
[QUOTE=WestCoast1;1471072]One of history's great understatements![/QUOTE]Never let it be said I don't have unique insights. :P
[QUOTE=Hutsori;1470947]Sometimes discerning what a girl wants is tough.[/QUOTE]I realised the folly of my statement when I wrote it too LOL.
Yes Huts I too have had the "don't worry about my profile" comment. In fact, I posted about several examples sometime last year on this very thread about some funny experiences.
The classic one is the girl who suggested we might meet for things that were as far removed from her profile as you could possibly get. When I quizzed her about this she said that it was her friend's profile and she was just looking after the site for her while she was "away".
It was the friends photo too.
Although I was initially alarmed that I might be now chatting to an under-age or ladyboy, I was soon reassured when I saw her on cam and we subsequently met up.
So. It is difficult to discern what a woman is seeking at first glance, but I still maintain that my earlier contention that to send off a blind message as a first contact asking an unknown woman if she will stay with you for 3 days for sex for $600 is being a tad insensitive and offensive. I think at least one initial "ice-breaker" to meet and greet is a better way to go.
[QUOTE=Red Kilt; 1471122]I realised the folly of my statement when I wrote it too LOL.
So. It is difficult to discern what a woman is seeking at first glance, but I still maintain that my earlier contention that to send off a blind message as a first contact asking an unknown woman if she will stay with you for 3 days for sex for $600 is being a tad insensitive and offensive. I think at least one initial "ice-breaker" to meet and greet is a better way to go.[/QUOTE]I took your statement as tongue in cheek.
Your contention is spot on, and WC's corollary holds true. It can be rough, even brutal, for the Pinays on the dating sites. Sadly this and the other pitches, e.g. the I-want-to-sponsor-you-at-xx-thousand-pesos-a-month messages, many of the young-and-fine girls receive daily poison the market.
[QUOTE=Hutsori;1470947]When I first joined the dating sites I received messages from women keen to come over for sex, yet whose profiles explicitly stated they were "not for play","stay away perverts", etc. In my conversations with them I remarked that there was disconnect in what their profiles stated they were looking for, LTR, and what I was looking for, sex. In their replies I was told to not worry about that and that they knew what was in store when they came over. Sometimes discerning what a girl wants is tough.[/QUOTE]In many cases, even with well educated professional ladies, they use public computers at net cafe's. The last thing they want is someone looking over their shoulder at their profile when it reads something like: "I'm a very naughty girl who likes to have sex with foreigners"; and some are aware that friends and family may see their profiles as well so they attempt to keep up a façade of respectability.
You never know what your going to get into just from the few lines they've written (or copied) in a profile. I feel I have I have nothing to loose by contacting any of them and everything to gain if we meet up. If I was living there and already had a harem built up, then perhaps I would take a more indirect approach, but only coming to visit for a few weeks at a time, I feel a certain amount of frankness is needed in order to weed out the naysayers and especially the ones who require a few dates to loosen up.
My own profile is short and eludes to meeting for adult fun only. I've been contacted by numerous girls who want to meet for sex and their profiles are completely benign and innocent appearing. If contacted then I am quite honest and frank about what I seek, but in a polite and respectful way. When hunting, I tend to key in on certain words and phrases, then tailor my approach accordingly, but I won't hesitate to contact a lady who's profile is innocent looking if I like the way she looks. However direct I may be, I keep the initial message simple, respectful and very polite. Respect seems to be the key. I'm often surprised at some of the answers I get; everything from a simple "Yeah, sure let's meet" to a "Yes, as long as you treat me with respect then you can f*ck me all night", LOL. Even a few: "No, I not sex you, but I have friends who will". Even the one's who do reply with a "No thanks", I always message back thanking them for taking the time to answer me, I say I'm sorry if I have offended them and wish them luck with their search. I've had more than one reconsider or refer a friend because I "showed respect".
[QUOTE=Pip Jaeger;1471293]Respect seems to be the key. I'm often surprised at some of the answers I get; everything from a simple "Yeah, sure let's meet" to a "Yes, as long as you treat me with respect then you can f*ck me all night", LOL. Even a few: "No, I not sex you, but I have friends who will". Even the one's who do reply with a "No thanks", I always message back thanking them for taking the time to answer me, I say I'm sorry if I have offended them and wish them luck with their search. I've had more than one reconsider or refer a friend because I "showed respect".[/QUOTE]Completely agree with you. Even those who have sent me irate messages bitching me out, and I never even contacted them, I wish them well with their search.
[QUOTE=Pip Jaeger;1471293]I feel I have I have nothing to loose by contacting anyone of them and everything to gain if we meet up. If I was living there and already a harem built up, then perhaps I would take a more indirect approach, but only coming to visit for a few weeks at a time I feel a certain amount of frankness is needed in order to weed out the naysayers and especially the ones who require a few dates to loosen up.[/QUOTE]Having been here for several stays of 1-2 weeks previously I certainly understand the time constraint. It was only on this go that I joined a dating site, largely because of what I read here at ISG - thanks, lads. :) It's been a resounding success; well beyond my wildest dreams, and I dream big.
Pip, let me ask you this: you read the "nice girl" profile, one where she is looking for an LTR and includes "no play" or "not for fun only" in it, what is your approach? Something like this: "Hi, I'm Pip. I really enjoyed reading your profile. I especially liked reading ________. It seems to me we're kindred spirits / share similar interests / whatever. I'd like to get to know you better, and I'll be in town from _______ to _________. I want you to know I'm looking for adult fun at my hotel, and if you're interested in having a great time together I want to continue this conversation with you. Looking forward to your response." Or is it something somewhat or entirely different?
I've met some of those nice girls you are talking about and a couple of them turned out to be nice and horny. My line was, I'm hesitant to commit to a relationship because I don't know how long I will be staying here. But I sure would love to start kissing you. Sometimes they got something they need to let loose and if they get a little gift in the end everyone is elated. Can't hurt to try. And then of course if it don't work, like Pip says, say I'm sorry if I have offended you and wish you luck with your search.
Some great posts about the inscrutability of the online profiles. And let's not forget about those mood swings that all women have. LOL.
I take the indirect approach, but emphasize that my holiday is short, age difference, etc, while at the same time flirting or asking question that might give me some info, as well as give them some info about my intent: Have you dated a foreigner before? Can you swim, and then the followup, What color is your bikini?
If they have kid I ask the age, and is it cute like mommy, and then the age of my son. Some will ask about the motherof my kid, some don't. I'm divorced, so I don't mind the question. I don't much like the WHY question which they often ask.
I've had some great dates, and a few disasters. The two examples below were both gals who seemed to expect some kind of "serious" relationship.
I have been criticized for meeting the parents. (does anyone remember AC?). I met the parents, grandma, some aunts and uncles, and then took her to my room and had my way with her. ONe of the cutest gals I've ever stripped down. Great big eyelashes. I feel sorry for the Western guy who married her because she was a conniving, scamming B I CH. Some of the old timers here might remember that I was teased for the plaid bell bottoms pants. Actually, I was wearing some loose fitting checked shorts, and the action came so quick I never got them off. Pictures were posted years ago.
Then there was the time I was in a sleazy Mango ave go go bar. And the hottest dancer in the bar asked me,"Are you on DIA. I think I know you."