Safe Sex

The question of ‘safe’ sex comes up regularly on various country threads. I’ve been posting for a while and mongering for years before that in countries around the globe. So I thought I’d add tuppence worth. I am not a medical doctor or laying any claim to specialist expertise other than being a reasonably intelligent and educated individual. Yeah – I google and read too, so please don’t quote reports at me!

Too often when safe sex comes up on country threads, one member will start telling another member what they should or shouldn’t be doing to stay ‘safe’ which is inappropriate, and Jackson rightly IMO kicks the posts off. But people new to mongering may like hearing other people’s thoughts on it. These are my thoughts alone. You may agree or disagree. It’s a topic mongers should talk about perhaps, though what you think personally is more important than whether you agree or not with any of the ideas I use.

Safe sex is about what safe means to the individual. Like driving a car or crossing the road, there is [i]always[/i] an element of risk with sex. Lifelong abstinence is the only foolproof way. So having accepted the risk, how should one minimize it and so on. It’s not just about mongering. In some countries, prostitutes have a lower rate of infection on many STDs than non-prostitutes (as they know how to look after themselves well). In other areas it is the reverse. But yes, I practice safe sex whether the female is a working girl or a regular girlfriend.

So the starting point in balancing any risk is, how do I rate the benefits?

Given that the odds against me (when taking good precautions) are small but not non-existent, a big factor is, how much do I want to have sex / BBBJ / DATY with this particular female? If I like her a lot (physically or emotionally), maybe that will affect my judgement (for better or worse). But I am not risking anything for someone I barely fancy.

Rolled into this ‘risk-benefit assessment’ are things like demographics. Whether her group is statistically more or less likely to be disease carrying. One makes one’s own judgements after looking at the reliability or otherwise of government programs and testing, her own knowledge of safe sex and so on. Also whether I am well in control of the situation. Being able to control the pace in good conditions is different to having sex with a woman with long fingernails who is forcing the pace and in unlit or otherwise undesirable conditions.

CONDOMS
Choice of condom is an important issue IMO. How likely is it to come off? How well does it unroll and feel comfortable (and be free of other irritating, distracting annoyances)? How strong is it? (None of this is rocket science, but guys who don’t use condoms regularly except when mongering may not have explored the possibilities so much. Just ignore me if I’m stating the obvious.)

For all their belly-aching about safe sex, most of the major manufacturers could be promoting [i]effective[/i] condom use much better than they do. For instance, not only are many of the Durex range rather short in length (covering only a part of the penis and giving less security against slipping off) but they often concentrate advertising on non-essentials, such as ribs, strawberry flavouring and so on. Information on different brands of Durex in terms of width, length, thickness etc is often not that readily available. (They also have a reputation for heavy artillery legal action against anyone being even slightly critical.) Testing standards for condoms, while important, are not based on live action but on laboratory experiments with machines. So excuse me if, having used them most of my life, I beg to question the adequacy of some criteria.

I’m not recommending or dissing any particular condom – just that I think it is important to experiment and find one that you feel very happy with. Pasante, for instance, on its website, gives all the measurements (length, width, thickness). If you are not happy with one, you can change to a trimmer one, a large one or an extra large one. I would quote them as an example of a responsible company.

If a condom is too narrow, it is not only uncomfortable, it is more likely to break. If it is too short or too loose, it is more likely to slip off. I generally don’t like those ones that disappear from view once I’m inside a woman. If in doubt, I like to be able to reach down with my thumb and forefinger to check it’s still there.

A good fitting condom generally increases sensitivity, but latex vs non-latex also makes a difference. Non-latex (polyurethane) can be made much stronger than latex, but it doesn’t stretch so much (Durex make an excellent one called Avanti, long and slightly wider – but it tends not to unroll well past the 4/5ths mark.)

While a woman normally knows (or checks) whether she is wet enough, I like to double-check. Dry humping causes breakages. If there’s no other option, I’ll suggest (or offer) some gel. The most adaptable ones for mongering are small sachets or twist-top single-use packs. A tiny one takes up no room in the pocket. On the other hand, some women use too much lube to the point where it is harder to tell what-the-f*ck is happening down there. A wipe with tissues (or similar) is called for in that case.

TRIM/SHAVE
Not everyone’s choice, but I like to trim or remove my pubic hair. Lots of reasons. It is harder for little crabbies to find a snuggling place for one. But it maximises contact and is generally more attractive for a woman to go down on, just as (forest lovers aside) it’s nicer to DATY without having to pick the hair out of one's teeth. Off the p4p scene, it is very common among swingers and considered good hygiene and etiquette.

DATY & BBBJ
Although low risk, DATY also has the advantage (at least in reasonable lighting) to check out the area before thrusting a pork chop into it. And there’s lots of dining levels to choose from. From just sticking your nose in to check the aroma, to some delicate clit-kissing without using the open mouth, to full on licking and sucking up that gush. Usual stuff applies – leaving a couple of hours for tiny cuts on the face from shaving to heal seems rudimentary, as does being careful to avoid using fingers with recent cuts, or DATY with sore throats or mouth ulcers.

Happy mongering

[QUOTE=Silent Monger]Rain Coat,

that's an ironic handle you have given the topic we are discussing, as I have heard it said "You wouldn't wear a raincoat in the shower, so why wear a condom during sex?" Of course I do not wish to give you any fool-hardy counsel, although I have had unprotected sex with sex workers the majority of my mongering experience has been using safer sex.

As far as BBBJ is concerned there is a risk of contracting Herpes Simplex Virus, however HIV is extremely unlikely.[/QUOTE]The administrator suggested I repost the stuff below which

Was in another forum here:

I am someone who takes essentially no risks. I value my life way too much.

Let's talk about AIDS first.

After a lot of research, the consensus seems to be that getting your dick sucked has essentially zero risk. Of course, if the girl doesn't have AIDS, you can't get it, so all risk discussion assumes she does (otherwise there is no point in the discussion). There are two main reasons for this. First, unless you have open sores (in which case you can get AIDS from holding hands), there is no way the virus can be transmitted. It doesn't go through skin or intact mucus membranes. Second, even if you did, a) the viral load in saliva is way to small to cause infection (you would have to be exposed to several liters within a short time) and b) there is an enzyme in saliva which de-activates the Hi virus. So, to get AIDS by being sucked, the girl would have to be bleeding out of her mouth and you would have to have open sores.

The risk to the girl is somewhat higher, but still quite low compared to vaginal or anal sex (which have a much higher risk, very high for the receptive partner, especially anally). First, the virus is in sperm. Second, not all of it can be de-activated by the girl's saliva. Third, the girl might have small cuts in the mouth (perhaps from having eaten potato chips) which don't bleed (and hence wouldn't be a risk to you) but are open enough to become infected by infected sperm. Theoretically, if she swallows and has an ulcer, that's also a possibility. Still, oral sex, even for the person doing the sucking, is relatively low risk.

As for licking a girl---it is almost impossible to get AIDS from a girl, except via vaginal or anal sex (unprotected---with a condom, no worries).

Officially, no government agency will come out and say this, both because it is understandably better to be on the safe side, and also because there would be some criticism from conservative groups if the government were "encouraging oral sex". However, my summary above seems to be the case according to the scientific literature.

As for other diseases, they are in principle easier to get, but here (like with AIDS as well), in practice there is no risk if the girl doesn't have them. Prostitutes in Germany have to have regular check-ups, by the way. However, other STDs can be treated quite easily with penicillin etc, especially if noticed early. So, the biggest danger might be explaining it to your wife! (AIDS is actually quite hard to get; what is bad about it is that it is difficult to treat.)

Despite early warnings, AIDS is STILL essentially confined to the traditional high-risk groups. (AIDS can be spread sexually and prostitutes have a lot of sex, but probably most prostitutes with AIDS are drug users who got it from needles. So, if the girl doesn't use drugs, she's probably not any more likely than you to get AIDS.)

I'm sure this might be a dumb question, but I'm going to ask anyway because I'm going crazy. I'm in Korea and I will have to take a an HIV test soon. I have had sex with four sex workers in my life, two in Canada in June and two in Korea this month. I used a condom each time. It didn't break to my knowledge (unless there can be small tears you don't notice), and once it felt like it was slipping off, but it didn't.

My question is: what are my chances of testing positive for HIV? Have you ever heard of someone getting HIV without having unprotected sex? The test is getting closer and I am absolutely terrified of having to leave the country and explaining to people back home why I'm back, never mind life with HIV. I had trouble focusing at work today. Please help.

Darnay - don't panic. As the insertive partner and using condoms correctly (I assume, as they didn't break or slip), your chances of contracting HIV during those four encounters is basically zilch, zip, nada. ZERO. That's assuming the girls in question actually HAD the virus and there's every likelihood that they didn't, especially if they're enforcing condom use in their work.

But at the risk of stressing you out further, I wanted to add a little something about 'risk'. You (and you're certainly not the first person to do this!) only mentioned your sex work experiences when you talked about HIV risk ...but I assume those four women aren't the ONLY women you've ever had sex with? How many times have you had unprotected sex with NON-sex workers?

Being a sex worker is not, in itself, a risk factor for HIV. It's not about how often you have sex or how many different partners you've had, nor is HIV transmitted via cash or credit cards. It's about HOW you have sex. A sex worker who [i]always[/i] uses condoms is a much lower HIV risk than a regular woman who [i]never[/i] uses them. I know a gay man who worked as a sex worker for many years and never caught a thing, then got drunk and silly at a club and caught HIV from an unprotected one-night stand. I also know of a (non-sex working) woman who got HIV from her husband, who was using IV drugs behind her back and sharing needles with his mates.

It's [i]safe sex practices[/i] that dictate your risk of HIV, not the 'type' of person you have sex with or the particular sex acts you engage in. And again, as the insertive partner YOUR risks are even lower - if you're a woman or the receptive partner in a gay relationship, the risk increases.

Please don't worry too much about your test. I'm sure you'll be fine. Best of luck. x

Christopherd - that was fantastic, especially the bit about condoms. You'd be amazed how many men don't even realise that condoms come in different shapes and sizes! Brilliant post. Recommended reading for everyone. Thanks x

[QUOTE=Darnay]I'm sure this might be a dumb question, but I'm going to ask anyway because I'm going crazy. I'm in Korea and I will have to take a an HIV test soon. I have had sex with four sex workers in my life, two in Canada in June and two in Korea this month. I used a condom each time. It didn't break to my knowledge (unless there can be small tears you don't notice), and once it felt like it was slipping off, but it didn't.

My question is: what are my chances of testing positive for HIV? Have you ever heard of someone getting HIV without having unprotected sex? The test is getting closer and I am absolutely terrified of having to leave the country and explaining to people back home why I'm back, never mind life with HIV. I had trouble focusing at work today. Please help.[/QUOTE]
I'm in South Korea right now as well and had to take the exact same HIV test so that I could get my Alien Registration Card.

As far as the test itself goes, the way it was explained to me was that if the results come back positive, they will give you another chance and test you again, since there is a possibility of getting a false-positive result. I believe the same goes for the drug test as well.

You should be fine; in fact I don't understand why you would be concerned about it at all, unless there is something you are not telling us in your post. If it makes you feel any better, I've had sex with over 100 pros and I passed the HIV test with flying colors!

BTW, if you have some time, feel free to post some trip reports in the South Korea forum.

Hello seniors,

Can anyone tell me if poluyurethane condoms are safer than latex condoms? I have a rubber allergy but I am not sure about those condoms not made of latex.

Some friends have recommended polyisoprene condoms but they are hard to find.

Many thanks in advance.

Hi, I got laid in Artemis FKK in Berlin last Sunday. Had half an hour sessions with 3 different women. I had penetration with a condom with each of them +

Girl 1) some DFK, just a little licking from me
Girl 2) just 10 sec of covered BJ
Girl 3) BBBJ without CIM, and some licking action from me.

After about 22 hrs of this action, i started feeling the slightest of burning sensations at the tip of the penis. And after another 24 hours, a kind of niggling feeling in symmetric regions on both sides of the pubic region - roughly near the joints. The feeling is very similar to what I experienced when I'd caught some urinary infection last year.

For certain reasons, I will find it very tough to consult a doctor for the next four days.

a) I am concerned I could have caught something nasty. But I hope that's not the case because I hardly did anything particularly unsafe

b) Even if it is something not serious, I cannot afford to develop a full blown infection or fever this weekend (am visiting family).

Please advise on both a) and b) and particulary if there are any antibiotics of other medicines I can take to get rid of my symptoms.

I will be most grateful. Thanks.

Hi troops,

My mongering experiences in Guatemala have resulted in a case of crabs, a. K. A. Pubic lice. Just thought I'd share my experience in case you get them too, which isn't very unlikely. Of course condoms don't do too much to protect you against them.

Anyway, several days after a session that wasn't worth the money I started feeling this itch at the base of my cock. I could see what looked like a tiny scab but couldn't figure out what was going on. So I took a flashlight to it and saw there were some little critters down there, I. E. Pubic lice! Yuck! I grabbed one of them and it was still living and squirming around. It was small, maybe a few millimeters long. I probed around and only found a few living critters but TONS of eggs spread out all over my pubic region. They were really, really tiny and sticky and so hard to dislodge from my tangle of pubic hair even after cutting it really close to my skin. I probably spent 1. 5 hours digging out as many eggs as I could find but didn't get them all.

I read up on the Center for Disease Control website and found out that pubic lice are just a hassle and not dangerous unless their digging into your skin causes an infection. They also have a treatment.

The treatment is called permetrine. It is a creme that you just spread all over your pubic area for 10 minutes. It is pleasant smelling and seems to have worked.

Here in Guatemala the name of the compound is permetrina, and the product I found is Herklin 2000 Permetrina Emulsion. By the way, the word for lice in Spanish is piojos.

So, should you ever be so unlucky with pubic lice, you should be able to get yourself beyond it quickly and get the general back out in the field in full command.

Good luck!

If you are in a remote location where permetrine is not easily available, and this is a highly likely situation where the little critters will just decide to jump ship from your temporary GF to you, then -would you believe- spraying the affected area (even your whole body) with good 'ol Mortine insect spray will knock 'em dead!

Just remember to follow up with a second "application" in a week or so because that's when the layed eggs will begin to hatch (7-10 day's).

Also a good idea to wash all your possibly infested clothing in (very) hot water.

Don't sound too good, but trust me (from experiance), it's very effective.

P.

Hi guys,

I just started mongering, but I cannot understand for the life of me why a self-test kit for all major STDs (HIV, Herpes, Crabs, Hepatitis B+C, Gonorrhea and Syphilis) has not been created? (Or if it has, what is it. I can't find one anywhere! )

It would essentially eliminate the requirement of wearing protection completely. Imagine a session where you meet a provider, she takes your insta test, and you take her insta test, both pass, and voila! All set to go. Or am I missing something.

As someone who cannot wear condoms and stay hard during sex (apparently a more common problem than I originally thought), this would greatly increase pleasure and reduce anxiety all around I think.

Not sure where to post this as it does not directly relate to safe sex but here is a painful and disturbing story about a woman who went too far because she though her man went too far.
____________________________________________________________
[url]http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/01/06/world/main4701529.shtml?tag=topHome;topStories[/url]

(CBS/ AP) An Australian woman accused of setting her husband's genitals on fire because she thought he was having an affair has been charged with murder. Prosecutors said 44-year-old Rajini Narayan confessed to neighbors that she set her husband on fire on Dec. 8, 2008, after she saw him hug another woman.

She was initially charged with endangering life and arson but the charges were upgraded to murder after her 47-year-old husband, Satish Narayan, died from his injuries last week. Prosecutor Lucy Boord said Narayan told neighbors she was a "jealous wife" but she hadn't meant to kill him when she doused the sleeping man's genitals with an alcohol-based solvent and then set him on fire.

Boord quoted Narayan allegedly saying: "I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else. ... I didn't mean this to happen." The husband jumped out of bed and knocked over the bottle of alcohol, causing the fire to spread and resulting in 1 million Australian dollars ($711,000) of damage to their town house and an adjacent property, the Adelaide Advertiser reported.

"She poses a substantial risk to others given her flagrant offending," Boord told the newspaper. Boord quoted Narayan allegedly saying: 'I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else. ... I didn't mean this to happen.' "Witnesses also heard the accused make references to using a police officer's gun on herself, and references to whether she should be alive at all," she added. Narayan was remanded in custody for psychological assessment and will reappear in court Friday. She has been charged with murder, arson and three counts of endangering life, as the couple's three children were at home during the incident.

Having just caught another dose of herpes I am thinking on how to avoid this in the future. Sorry no sex, is not an option.

The information on herpes says its caught by unprotected sex with an infected partner.

This explains why I have caught herpes a few times with the outbreak on the bottom of the testicles, and its especially painful when its near the main testicle nerve.

I used a condom, but infected pussy juice can still contact the testicle even when wearing a condom.

I went to my doctor and I asked how come outbreaks occur in different places on the penis. He said that is because they are new infections.

This leads me to conclude that herpes can be transmitted by bare back blow jobs since at those time I always had protected sex.

Does anyone else have a view or experience on this?

[QUOTE=Johnny Jets]Having just caught another dose of herpes I am thinking on how to avoid this in the future. Sorry no sex, is not an option.

The information on herpes says its caught by unprotected sex with an infected partner. [/QUOTE]Herpes HSV1/HSV2 is caused by the HPV virus. contact. you can have herpes anywhere skin contacts. including if you touch a herpes sore on a pussy then rub your eye. you can get herpes on your eye.

It's permanent. if you've caught it and get an outbreak (small or large) then it's yours forever. Most people don't bother to pay for valtrex or other treatments to reduce outbreaks. :(

Preventative option is unfortunate.

1 - check **** thoroughly beforehand.
2 - never kiss as sores can be on inside mouth as well
3 - carry Purell hand sanitizer as it has Ethyl Alcohol 62%.
4 - use it on yourself and the chick during the shower or before sex to kill viruses on her skin in case she is at beginning or end of outbreak and you just cant see it.
5 - Use it on yourself immediately afterwards.
6 - emergency carry 90+% ethyl Alchohol in your bag. If shit happens then use this on your privates but don't leave on for more than 2 minutes and immediately wash off with ALOT of water in shower (unless you don't mind getting skin irritation down there) 99% ethyl alchohol is proven to kill 100% of viruses in less than 2 seconds.

But if you've already caught it then you're screwed.

I had herpes for the past 30 years. Cought it in Thailand while still a teenager. My experience was this. Outbreak was about 4 or 5 times a year mostly around the penis area and sometimes at the testicle. Very uncomfortable, painful and messy.

Ever since my circumcision, the herpes outbreak NEVER occur near the above mentioned area but occured at the back slightly above the buttock! The point is it is much more managable in term of comfort considering the back area is flat as compared to the private part that can be quite messy. The only drawback is that you cant' lie on your back during the outbreak period. So I guess the herpes virus will know what to do when you get rid of the extra skin near your penis!! I recommend that you go for a circumcision in a private clinic that cost about RM250. Anyone with the same experience, please share with other members.

Thank you.