Really looking forward to #2, 3, 4 and 5. Let us know!
I'm curious though - where are the SW's from, if not Jamaica?
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Really looking forward to #2, 3, 4 and 5. Let us know!
I'm curious though - where are the SW's from, if not Jamaica?
Wet Nose caught me in a presumption. I presumed that all native Jamaicans are black and, of course, that is not true. According to the CIA (and we can rely on them, right?) the population is 90.9% black. This means the remaining 9.1% is something else, and the two or three light skinned Hispanic looking hookers I cast my orbs upon could well have been native Jamaicans. They could also have been on vacation from the Dominican Republic, Cuba, or Puerto Rico for all I know. Mia culpa. I’m working hard on installments two through five and I promise to be more careful about jumping to conclusions.
I also have some fine photographs that match upcoming chapters but I need to figure out how to get them loaded on the post. In view of Alan’s legitimate concerns I’ll crop out the faces.
Billy Bob,
Your reports are not only great, but you have a very organized, detail oriented way of reporting- great job!
These are the kind of informative reports that make Jackson's board such a great resource!
Great work! :)
Primero. Thanks Ford. That compliment coming from you is like having Ted Williams compliment the way you swing a baseball bat. But I digress.
Massage Parlors in Mo-Bay operate pretty much the same as those in Costa Rica and the Dominican Republic. The girls introduce themselves then you get a chance to chat, choose, and decide what kind of “massage” you want from a printed menu. The printed menu includes taking the girl off premises. Always keep in mind that the printed menu includes a “hand job” at best. You’ll need to negotiate with the girl for anything more,.
All cab drivers will take you to a massage parlor if you ask. The cab driver will not only take you there, but also come right inside with you. That’s because he gets Jamaican $500 for bringing them a customer. This is the same amount the girl gets for spending time with you, which is why you’ll need to negotiate with her separately. You’ll experience more double dealing in a single Jamaican day than you will in a Milwaukee year.
I learned this because I had the good fortune to spend a day of my stay with an absolutely gorgeous and quite talented young woman I met at a massage parlor. I had arrived at about noon and had spent the afternoon and early evening getting my bearings and planting some seeds. You will learn later if they bore fruit. By 8:00PM, however, I had nothing lined up for the night and decided on the MP route.
The cab driver took me to one of the best known massage parlors which I believe is called “The Relaxation and Rejuvenation Center.” I could be slightly off with the name but it doesn’t matter. You enter on the second floor. Immediately you are on a balcony overlooking the first floor and you’re facing a curtain. Someone yells “client” and the girls begin appearing from behind the curtain one-at-a-time. Each says “Hi” and gives her name.
Once all of the girls have introduced themselves you can walk downstairs and chat with them. In one way this is a good thing because there were at least 20 women and all were well above 7. There were a couple of true 10s. If you like black women (and why else would you be in Jamaica?) this was a spectacular offering.
The downside is that until you make your choice all of the 20 girls hover around you trying to arouse your attention in various ways. While this is happening you feel like Prince Charming but you know that once you choose you’ll be less popular (with all except one) than a turd in a punch bowl.
My advice would be to take the girl who appeals to you most aside. Ask her if she has any “Won’ts”. In Spanish I call these “Nuncas”. If you want a BBBJ and the girl won’t do BBBJs you’re going to be disappointed. Likewise, if you like anal and she won’t do anal, its better that you select someone else. Ask all twenty if you have to.
Once the parameters have been established you choose the girl and now we come to my second piece of advice. Negotiate a fair price and get on with it. If you and the lady hit it off and you’ve been fair in your dealings you’ll quickly find she has a cell phone number she would be more than happy to share with you. You’ll also learn that she would be delighted to make your company when she is not working. That’s how I ended up spending a whole day with the kind of woman you dream about having in bed. The total cost of the day was $70.00 US and a meal from room service. She brought her own “weed” and shared nicely.
My guess is there are fifty massage parlors operating in various places. One of them is called "Wet & Wild". It’s out near the airport and much smaller than “The Relaxation and Rejuvenation Center”. During the daytime you’ll find three, maybe four girls. The girls are by no means in the same league as the larger place, but the menu prices are less and those of you who like to negotiate rock bottom prices will have a field day.
FYI for those reading Billy Bob's report...
Exchange rate: 1 USD buys 65 Jamaican dollars.
Thanks to Wet Nose for the monetary update. It is important because the price you are quoted for anything will always be in the currency most advantageous to the vendor. But I digress.
The definitive treatise on Jamaican strip clubs/bordellos has already been written. Ford’s description of The Goldfinger Club at 51 Market St was sufficient all by itself to lure this monger to Jamaica. I had vowed to visit regardless of what else happened.
For three nights I was otherwise occupied. Now on my next-to-last evening I carved out time to make the scene. The time selected was altogether too early (about 8:30-9:00). The number of ladies on site were many fewer than Ford reported and I have a feeling things were just getting started. It was also a Wednesday night.
The joint is exactly as Ford describes except that’s it’s more seedy and much darker. At first I wondered if they had electric lighting. The bar has about fourteen seats. Ten feet away is a door that leads either upstairs or behind a wall. The wall is comprised of 14-inch speakers that appear to be of a vintage somewhere around 1959 and sound like it as they pound out a throbbing combination of Reggae and Hip-Hop.
Once you sit at the bar it will be no more than ten seconds before you have company. Before a minute has passed the company will be touching your “privates” and inviting you to join her in one of the suites. Somehow the vision of what these accommodations would be like did not coincide with my idea of posh or even clean. As Snake 27 said in an earlier post. It was not somewhere I'd want my dick exposed.
Management wants a ransom for taking any girl away from the premises, and I had plans for later in the evening anyway. This visit was mostly to see if Ford’s description could possibly be accurate. It was in all respects except that on this particular night the "hostesses" were nowhere near the best Jamaica has to offer. By my standards the most attractive would have been a 6. But you can’t say they weren’t willing. Upon departure I had three little slips of paper containing a name and cell phone number.
Ford, of course, is a much bigger and braver dude than me. I took Dean (the taxi driver) inside with me, and in fact insisted that he join me for a Red Stripe. Now that I think of it he probably collected from management as well, but hey, it’s the Jamaican way.
There is also action down the street at Club Las Vegas. Unfortunately I did not get a chance to see what this place was like inside. We were planning to pay a visit but as we approached what might be called a "domestic dispute" was taking place across the street. A rather large woman and her "Main Man" were engaged in a lively and loud debate. He was waving a gun around like Barney Fife did when Otis acted up. The scene in general had provoked every dog for three square blocks into similar disputes and incessant barking.
Dean thought it best not to hang around. I was in agreement.
[QUOTE=Billy Bob]
The joint is exactly as Ford describes except that’s it’s more seedy and much darker. At first I wondered if they had electric lighting. The bar has about fourteen seats. Ten feet away is a door that leads either upstairs or behind a wall. The wall is comprised of 14-inch speakers that appear to be of a vintage somewhere around 1959 and sound like it as they pound out a throbbing combination of Reggae and Hip-Hop.
[/QUOTE]
Hahahaha, brilliant reporting!!!! Billy makes it sound like the jamaican version of the "Titty Twister" - the bar from that Tarantino horror-vampire movie "From Dawn to Dusk". Perhaps they should rename it, hee hee...
There's always a reason to read ISG, and now I can add Billy Bob to my list of favorite reporters! Keep em coming, Billy!!!!
Hi guys, would you recommend renting a scooter and exploring on your own? What are drivers in Jamaica like? Are there good road maps available?
Reason being...Jamaica is actually quite small and mountainous in certain portions too- which makes it really scenic and perfect for exploring. I'd also save on the commission to the driver for massage venues too...
There is little to say on this subject except to confirm Ford’s suggestion that you keep Barry and Claude (or the bellmen at whatever Montego Bay hotel you have chosen) happy by crossing their palms with a couple of bucks when you happen to see them. It took me a while to hook up with these guys but they were more than sensitive to my needs and requirements once we made contact.
A trustworthy taxi driver can also be a source of what you are looking for. Some of them actually have a list of women they can call. It is important, however, to be on the alert for the “Jamaican Double Shuffle” at all times.
Let’s say you are coming back from dinner around 9:00PM. When the taxi driver lets you off you make it known that you would not be opposed to having a comely companion for the evening. Chances are at least 50-50 that he will be back in ten minutes with a street walker he has picked up from “The Strip. You could have accomplished this yourself by taking a short walk.
How will you know such a subterfuge has taken place? There are two tell-tale signs that make it easy. First, he was back in ten minutes. If this is someone he had to go pick up, and she had to get ready it would have taken longer than ten minutes. Second, and most important, she will be adorned in the unmistakable garb of a streetwalker. In other words, if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck…..
My sense is that, as much as I like these guys, Barry and Claude are not above this very maneuver if you are in a hurry. After all, they need only walk a few steps on your behalf. If you are picky in your desires you should provide them plenty of notice and all of the requirements.
In my opinion the most important thing you can do in Mo-Bay is eliminate the middle man. That will not be entirely possible so you need to choose the ones you can trust the most. Avoid like the plague “hustlers” (and there are a lot of them) who approach you on the street and offer at no cost whatsoever to help you find anything you might be wanting in Mo-Bay from sun tan lotion to an Amazon Princess. They just want to be your friend. Right, and I just want to be a Bishop. That’s what to tell them too. Tell them you are a Baptist minister visiting Jamaica in the service of the Lord. Watch how quickly they disappear.
PS: To Wet Nose
If I were going up into the mountains I'd plan on being in an SUV or at least a sedan. The mountain roads are pretty steep and not well suited to scooters. Keep in mind that this "little" island has at least one fatal traffic accident a day. This doesn't count the ones where people are maimed.
All that said, you can rent any or all of the above at a booth located in the parking lot at The Wexford. Thanks for kudos!
[QUOTE=Wet Nose]Hi guys, would you recommend renting a scooter and exploring on your own? What are drivers in Jamaica like? Are there good road maps available?
Reason being...Jamaica is actually quite small and mountainous in certain portions too- which makes it really scenic and perfect for exploring. I'd also save on the commission to the driver for massage venues too...[/QUOTE]Personally, I would just hire a driver. Jamaican driving takes a set of reflexes that requires a lifetime to develop. A scooter is fine for buzzing around Negril or Ocho Rios or even Mobay (maybe). But in the mountains I would much rather have a couple tons of steel around me with a good Jamaica driver at the wheel. Besides the safety factor there is also the point that while he is driving, you can enjoy the view while sucking down a Redstripe and a spliff.
Jamaica may be small by US standards but it can easily take a couple days to drive all the way around it. It's not like St Maarten where you can circumnavigate the island in an hour. To go from Ocho Rios to Negril on the main road can easily take 4-5 hours. In the mountains it is an all day drive.
Besides, the difference between the cost of renting a car and hiring a driver is minimal...maybe 20-30 a day more for a driver. Plus a good driver will know all the cool places to go.
Be sure to check out the South Coast around Black River. It's beautiful and still the old Jamaica with genuine friendly people an no hustlers. Peter Tosh's grave is around there and worth the visit. Also, anyone going to Jamaica should make a pilgrimage to Nine Mile to visit Bob Marleys home and final resting place. Beautiful drive and a very moving experience while you are there.
Pogo
We come now to the final chapter, the fifth source of what you are looking for in Jamaica. To me it is the most interesting because it centers on an aspect of the mating process that is lost when the prelude to sex goes something like this:
“Want a date?”
“How much?”
“A hundred.”
“Are you loco? How about forty?”
And on and on until either an agreement or a stalemate is reached.
To me negotiations are a poor substitute for “the chase”. I define “the chase” as the process of inducing a woman to have sex with you for no other reason than her desire to do so. Until I was no longer able to achieve that on a consistent basis I never gave mongering a thought.
When I began this series of reports I expressed surprise, amazement and delight at the ease of initiating a “chase” and bringing it to a successful conclusion in Mo-Bay. Perhaps my “solo un poco” Spanish is the reason, but I never found “the chase” possible in the Dominican Republic or Costa Rica.
I initiated several “chases” while I was in Mo-Bay. Four of them are worthy of a report unto themselves and those stories will be forthcoming. Two of the four “chases” resulted in success at some level, one spectacularly so. I’m quite sure the average would have been raised if I had a few more days on the island, but hitting 500 is not bad in any league.
Before telling you how this was accomplished it is necessary to reveal more personal information than I normally would. I don’t want you saying to yourself, “Sure, it’s easy for Billy Bob. He’s in his early thirties and looks like Brad Pitt.”
Au contraire! My days as a dashing rake with hair capable of being “styled” are long gone. I am on the north side of fifty and headed into the home stretch. Years ago some people said I looked a little like Steve McQueen. Now I’m sometimes confused with Jimmy Carter.
On the plus side I still have piercing blue eyes, and (thanks to running) a killer body for a man of my advanced years.
I reveal these details so you can read the forthcoming stories from your own perspective. Specifically, if you are anything less than fifty, moderately good looking, and in above average shape you ought to score more in Mo-Bay than Wilt Chamberlain on a good night.
And Wilt could score in more ways than one!
Billy Bob,
Great series of reports! Makes me want to jump on a plane tomorrow!
I nominate Ford and you for inclusion into reports of distinction.
Excelsior,
Mattrick
Billy Bob,
I am writing this from an internet cafe on Maximo Gomez in downtown Santo Domingo but I wanted to take the time to give you a great big shout-out for your fine work!
I want to thank you for being so generous with your kind words re: my advice. But, my friend your work has put me to shame!
You writing is informative, entertaining and humorous. All round great work!
Don´t forget Jackson´s board is an amazingly power resource. With its 150,000 members a positive report (or series of positive reports) can really "put a place on the map". Let´s hope we did this for MoBay and that the people we mentioned and the places we talked about can profit from it.
I can´t wait to see where you surface next, because I´m certain you will do just as a good a job in directing future travelers here as well!
You´re a real asset to this forum even if you look do like Jimmy Carter. (lol) :D
cheers all.............
Thanks for the nice compliment Mattrick. Even being mentioned in the same sentence with Ford is an honor. I’m sure both of us would appreciate your nomination. And Ford, I'm not quite done with Jamaica but next week I head off for Nicaragua and Guanacaste, Costa Rica. But I digress!
The best way to keep the four “chases” organized is to recount what happened on a day-to-day basis. Telling the story this way will give you a sense of the intrigue and juggling more or less as it happened.
I was in Jamaica from Tuesday around noon until Saturday at about the same time. That gave me four days and nights of mongering to my heart’s content.
Once checked in and unpacked I always go for a walk to scout the terrain and acquire provisions. For me provisions include wine and booze and a few munchies.
My first “chase” began at the store where I bought the snacks. Two women were working, and both were quite attractive. When I paid for my snacks I said to the woman who was checking me out, “Wow, what a great smile. You must have the best smile in Mo-Bay.”
At this point she turned her eyes away and giggled like a school girl. She obviously liked the compliment but was a bit embarrassed. I asked her name, and for purposes of this report she told me it was Anne. We conversed for a few moments and then I said, “Why don’t we have dinner tonight? I need someone to show me around Mo-Bay.”
At this point her co-worker perked up and began taking an intense interest in the conversation. “I can’t tonight”, said Anne. “I’ve got plans already”.
“Tomorrow night then.”
“Well, we’ll see. You come in tomorrow”.
“I will do that very thing”, says me.
You will note that at no time did she say:
“Are you daffy? Why the hell would I want to have dinner with some pushy honkie, especially one as old and ugly as you?”
She didn’t come close to saying anything like that. In fact, she said “We’ll see”. I took that to be pretty good work for my first hour in town.
After unloading all my goodies it was time for a walk in the opposite direction. Their is a big park right in front of the Wexford. You can start the walk to downtown Mo-Bay by taking a left and walking along a trail in that park.
When I began walking I noticed a woman ahead of me by maybe fifty yards. I was walking more quickly than she and eventually we were side-by-side, a coincidence at least worthy of, “Hi, how ya do’ in?” It turned out she was fine and wondered the same about my health. A conversation was thus initiated and we proceeded apace toward downtown.
We’ll call number two Brenda. On the scale of any respectable mongerer she was no more than a five but she did possess a very impressive pair of boobs. It was also clear that she was not a daytime SW. She was wearing a chino skirt, a very conservative cotton blouse and a baseball cap. In our conversation she revealed that she and her aunt had a booth at the crafts market which is between the hotel and downtown. Brenda, like Anne, was between 25 and 30.
It took about fifteen minutes before we reached the edge of downtown. I wanted to go into the mall to find a store where I could get my cell phone working. Brenda followed along and was right with me as we entered. The entrance to the mall was like Times Square on New Year’s Eve. Once inside I realized Brenda had vanished into this sea of black faces. In retrospect I think I know why, but at the time I just figured she had somewhere else to go. It didn’t really matter because I had no interest in pursuing the possibilities of having sex with Brenda.
Across from the store where I got the my phone fixed, or rather where I was educated on how to make it work in Jamaica, there is a beauty salon. As I left the phone store one of the hair dressers was leaning against the rail that looks down on the first floor.
Now this was a really stunning young woman that I could get real interested in knowing intimately. What did I have to lose if I tried to make her acquaintance? Nothing, that’s what! So I walked over and said.
“Hi, if you don’t mind I have a question.”
“Okay”, she said.
“Could you tell me why in the world I am the only white guy in this whole place?”
She laughed and said, “No I can’t.
I asked her name and we’ll call her Carol. We talked for a few minutes but she was obviously uncomfortable and kept saying she had to get back to work. I inquired when her lunch hour was and asked if I could buy her lunch the next day. She told me that she only had a half hour. No problem, I said, we’ll eat at the KFC across the street. She agreed with this idea and we set a date for 1:00 the next day at the KFC. Normally I avoid KFCs like I avoid gangrene, but this was business.
Feeling fairly satisfied with my day’s work, I caught a cab back to the hotel where a nap seemed like a great idea.
Careful readers will know that later on that first evening I ended up at The Relaxation and Rejuvenation Center where I had a perfectly wonderful time.
And I also had two "investments" on the line.
Moments after arising I was rummaging around the room trying to find the phone number that Kendra from the massage parlor had written on a little slip of paper. The plan was for her to come over in the afternoon, but I said I would call to confirm. Unfortunately I was not locating her number.
To ease my frustration I threw on some shorts and went out in search of coffee. Within a few minutes I was sitting in a place that would become my breakfast spot throughout the trip. The coffee might not have been as good as at the Wexford, but the waitress was an incredible feast for the orbs. This was a girl somewhere between eighteen and twenty who, depending upon the talent score, could have been Miss Jamaica. We exchanged no more than pleasantries. She was much too young for me.
After breakfast I returned to the hotel to continue my search for Kendra’s number and had no luck whatever. This was not good. The prospect of spending the afternoon with Kendra was becoming an obsession that I might not be able to fulfill.
Then I remembered the need to keep my other fire burning, and decided to pay a call on Anne. I walked down to the store and was greeted warmly by both of the ladies.
“So Anne” I said. “Are we going to have dinner together tonight?”
Anne replies with a series of “hems” and “haws” adding up to a negative response. Meanwhile her co worker has become thoroughly engaged in the drama.
“Go on Anne, go. You know you want to. She wants to. Ask her again.”
“She’s right Anne, you want to,” I chime in.
Anne is chuckling and averting her eyes.
“Okay, a drink then. How about a drink at the Bobsled after work?” says me.
“Oh, no I couldn’t do that. Maybe lunch”, says Anne.
Now this presented a problem. I already had a lunch date with Carol at the Kentucky Fried Chicken next to the mall. Carol was not only more alluring but I also believed a better prospect that Anne so the choice was a no brainer.
I did, however, assume that Anne’s suggesting lunch was an expression of some interest and thought it appropriate to make the nature of my interest expressly clear.
“If we went to lunch you would have to be back here in an half hour or an hour at most”, I said. “That wouldn’t leave us much time for the fun stuff. Let’s aim for dinner tomorrow night. Then we’ll have plenty of time for whatever happens.”
Having made my intention perfectly clear I waited for Anne’s response which was: “Okay, maybe tomorrow.”
As I left the store she and the coworker were arguing about why Anne had used the word maybe.
After catching some rays by the pool I headed back to the room and dressed for lunch. Then I headed out for my lunch date. As I was crossing the driveway toward the park I spied a familiar face. It was Beverly.
My immediate thought was that this was no coincidence. Beverly had been waiting for me to leave the hotel. If the situation were reversed I would have been accused of stalking.
She stood still until I was within a few feet and then said,
“I’ve been waiting for you.” I asked her why and her response was something to the effect that she was sorry we had gotten separated. I explained that I was headed downtown to meet a friend for lunch. She walked along beside me. As we approached the area where she works she asked if we could get together again.
I’m way too vain to refuse a woman who is pursuing me, and it has been many a moon since this phenomena has occurred. I was compelled to say, “Sure, I’ll meet you at Margaritaville at 5:00”. She agreed and headed to her crafts booth.
Carol was waiting for me at KFC. We had greasy special #3 and she wolfed it down like it was the last plate of vittles on the planet. I learned that she was new to Mo-Bay having been in town only three weeks. Her home was some backwater village that I have been unable to find on fairly detailed maps of the country.
By the time we were returning our trays I was completely intrigued with this woman. When answering questions she was shy and naïve but she was also confident and assertive in talking about what she wanted to achieve in life. Most important I learned that she did not have a current boyfriend or husband. We agreed to meet for lunch again on Thursday, two days away.
Beverly was waiting for me outside Margaritaville when I arrived. We had two outrageously expensive Margaritas and as they were being consumed I learned that Beverly was the mother of two young children and lived in the same house as the father of those offspring.
I immediately concluded that daddy would probably expect his dinner in the next couple of hours, and that the prospect of bedding Beverly for the evening was dim.
I did make bold to suggest that Beverly might want to come knocking on my door in the morning before work. She certainly knew where I was staying. She needed only the room number. I supplied same and an invitation but did not expect anything further would transpire.
When I got back to the hotel Kendra had called and left her number. I returned the call and we made arrangements for her to come see me at 11:00AM on the morrow.
That evening I met a lovely professional who came highly recommended by one of the boys. It was a fulfilling, but not especially memorable encounter.
In fact, during the whole time I was somewhat preoccupied with my future prospects.
Their will be a brief interruption before the next episode. I am headed for Central America tomorrow and unlike Ford I cannot compose while sitting at an Internet Café. The story will continue when I return in one week.