Utang na loob and its consequences...
The phrase "utang na loob" in Tagalog means (I think) an obligation from the heart, and its a central, if not the central premise of Philippine culture. It implies a debt that children have to their parents for the very fact of being born, and it's a debt that's never fully repaid. It's part of who they are and, though the sense of obligation is stronger in some than in others, it accounts for the reason that Filipinas will sacrifice almost everything else in their lives to support their parents and, to some extent, other members of their families. This sense of obligation trumps every other commitment in their lives in many cases and is not looked on as a choice but as something that they must do.
If you talk to young sex workers in this country you will find in many, if not most cases, that the lady is doing what she's doing in order to support her parents and often her younger siblings. She's not exchanging sex for money cause she wants to, but to discharge the enormous sense of obligation she feels to provide money for her parent's support, and often for the support of her own young child. And it's this sense of partial repayment of the debt that lets her overcome the sense of shame at what she's doing since the "rightness" of satisfying the obligation transcends the "wrongness" of working in the commercial sex trade.
The trick, when looking for a Filipina partner is to find one whose sense of utang na loob is not strong or is non-existent. I was lucky in that case, and my wife feels none of it, so it's never been an issue with us. In TrickyRick's case, at least his wife spent her own funds, presumably, for her parents. This is much better than some cases I know of where the wife was constantly after the husband to provide funds for the family back in the Philippines.
In most cases though it's better to recognize that this is part of the package when you establish a long-term relationship with a Filipina, and it's best to discuss the whole matter up front, before you commit yourself to something in the longer term. Many couples I know make an agreement up front about how much, if anything, they will send to her family and under what circumstances. In my case, I made it very clear that the answer was zero but, as I said, in my case, there was no argument since my wife doesn't much like her parents and felt exactly the same way.
GE
My views on family requests
Having been married to one for a length of time I can add to the discussion. My wifes family have almost never ever asked. Weve seen many colleagues who are hit from the dying caribou to braces for the neighbours kids etc. But my family (in laws) almost never.
Once there was a car crash and money was urgently needed (hospitals don't do anything in Manila without advanced or secured payment.). So on this ocassion I came to the rescue. And over the next 6 months it was repaid by the family. Small notes at a time.
Another time there was an unexpected baby (if there is such a thing) and we contributed extra for a cot etc. And beyond that thats all thats happened. Probably even less than a western family might ask maybe.
I certainly got lucky. But agani its all down to selection and knowing the rules in advance.
