Filipinas - Opinions and Advice

[QUOTE=Tony Hoeprano]For sh*ts and giggles, I started talking to a gal in Manila I met on DAI, studying to take a nursing exam to be able to work in the US. She is 23, gorgeous, yet a bit immature sometime. We've had long chats on the YM and webcam and is the real deal as far as her looks go. She has sent some provactive pics with her in panties and t-shirt. Granted I'm a decent looking, younger guy who loves filipinas (actually I just caught yellow fever), but still who knows of her true intentions, yet everything she says checks out

Now, whenever I go to DAI website, she will check if I'm there and will be quite jealous. She professes strong feelings, and I've even seen her reveal those feelings on the webcam after she asked if I would stop talking to her if I met someone else in the US. She's never asked for money and seems to be sweet and submissive (when she speaks English), emails constantly, and even puts my pics on her friendster page.

I like this gal, but take it with a grain of salt, who knows what can happen, she might meet someone else, she might have bad breath, and so on. I plan on taking a trip in March, and would like to know if I should implement a plan B in case things go south with this gal?[/QUOTE]
I always have many plans - never sure if A, B C D etc just many - as you may find things change daily of not hourly. Should be Manila very soon and have a number of options lined up in case person 1 or 2,3.... decides not to show up.

[QUOTE=X Man]Yes, plan b would be very wise. Sorry for prying, but what is plan A?[/QUOTE]Not a problem. As it turns out, I might as well not even tell you plan A because it will most likely not come to fruition LOL.

Last week she said she was going to Sigalug (spell? ) festival in Cebu with her friends and that she would be gone about 5-6 days. I get an email from her on the 6th day and she says her best friend convinced her to come back home (in Davao) and basically it was a nice to know ya, I miss ya, I don't get internet in the house so it will be impossibe to chat with you anymore. At least she did email me, rather than leave me hanging I suppose, but either way it's the same result, more or less.

I presume she chatted me up to assuage her ego, she was pretty bored and lonely in Manila, being that she was always on her laptop and knew nobody there.

Okay here is a question I would like answered by someone experienced with Filipinas. This is a topic best avoided with ANY woman, because there is no correct answer, any response will be the wrong answer. I have learned this the hard way before and am not about to be burned again, hence the need for advice. I have been chatting with a real sweetheart online for a month or two and she just asked me how many girls I have had sex with in my life. My reaction was immediately "NO WAYYYY" and I basically told her that I was not prepared to answer that question based on the fact that I didnt feel comfortable sharing that info with her at this point in our relationship. Nor did I wish to be judged by someone such as her, who has little to no life experience.

Anyways, predictably, it got ugly really quicky, as you all know how totally prone to misunderstanding and irrational Filipinas can be, despite the mutual understanding of a common language. We had a massive argument about it and now she says I dont care about her because I am keeping secrets from her and I dont trust her bla bla bla etc. I have told her it is not a secret, it is just something I will maybe tell her later when I am ready, but she is having none of that. This is not going to go away despite my best efforts.

Now everything is relative of course, to a virgin (which she is), even a small number of previous partners will seem like an awful lot to her. For example, if I say 20 then I am worried that even that number will seem horrifying to her (living in SEA the real number is obviously a lot more than that, especially if you include P4P ;)). So I will have no choice but to lie. No two ways about that, but what is good figure to make up which will appease her? Also, what is a good reason to avoid telling her which she will accept? So far she just refuses to accept all the very reasonable ones I have given her. So I will HAVE to tell her something, but what? I need to give her a number, but it has to be a number that will not scare her off. She is a real gem and someone I will regret ditching or being ditched by, therefore I dont want to lose her over this. All advice and opinions appreciated! (PM if you prefer)

Sounds fishy to me. You can get Internet in Davao at Net cafe for 10 pesos per hour. I think her "best friend" has a penis.

On the other hand maybe you had regularly scheduled chats and she simply was telling you that she could no longer do that.

Davao is a nice place to visit, BTW.

Can you send me one of these pictures you were telling us about?

X

[QUOTE=Tony Hoeprano]Not a problem. As it turns out, I might as well not even tell you plan A because it will most likely not come to fruition LOL.

Last week she said she was going to Sigalug (spell? ) festival in Cebu with her friends and that she would be gone about 5-6 days. I get an email from her on the 6th day and she says her best friend convinced her to come back home (in Davao) and basically it was a nice to know ya, I miss ya, I don't get internet in the house so it will be impossibe to chat with you anymore. At least she did email me, rather than leave me hanging I suppose, but either way it's the same result, more or less.

I presume she chatted me up to assuage her ego, she was pretty bored and lonely in Manila, being that she was always on her laptop and knew nobody there.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=L A Guy]I have been chatting with a real sweetheart online for a month or two and she just asked me how many girls I have had sex with in my life.

She is a real gem and someone I will regret ditching or being ditched by, therefore I dont want to lose her over this. All advice and opinions appreciated! (PM if you prefer)[/QUOTE]I think it was a mistake to tell her you were "not prepared to discuss it" at this early point in the relationship. At this point I don't think any number will work. Even two is probably one too many, assuming she really is a virgin, and besides, she's already angry. Don't rule out the possibility she's not really a virgin, and she's testing you to find out how shocked you might be to know the truth about her.

I think I might have told her something like this:

"I have had sex with a very few women, and each experience was very special and very private. Imagine for a moment that you and I had sex some day. It would be special, and it would be private, and it would be nobody else's business. To talk to other women about it would be violating your privacy and would be disrespectful of how special it was between us. So for the same reason I would never tell other people about something like that between you and me, I cannot disrespect any previous partner I've been with by telling you about it. I'm sorry you think I'm keeping secrets, and, to tell the truth, it is secret. It's not me I need to protect, it's them. It would be a secret if anything sexual ever happened between us, and for exactly the same reason I would refuse to disrespect you by telling other people about us. I want you to know that this is the kind of person I am. I do not kiss and tell, and I do not violate the privacy of people I care about."

A pack of lies? Totally. But I'm thinking your only hope now is to use this ploy to redirect the conversation. Maybe you can still weasel out of this by making her feel that you will treat her very, very special.

ps. As many mongers have said in many different ways: virgins aren't worth the hassle. You need to be really honest with yourself about whether this one is.

LA Guy, she sounds manipulative your reaction was right the real question she should be asking is how faithful are you going to be with her if you are going to be together what you did before you met her is not her business. To get into an argument over your past experiences before you even met the girl is worriesome and a bad indication. She has to respect your wishes just AS YOU WOULD RESPECT HERS.

She lives in the Philipines where men are always after sex (Is that comment redundant?) She cannot live in that country and expect a man to be virginous. The women I talk with seem more interested in whether I am a wife beater and non provider.

Anyway I dont know what I am talking about except the manipulation bit.

Now everything is relative of course, to a virgin (which she is), even a small number of previous partners will seem like an awful lot to her. For example, if I say 20 then I am worried that even that number will seem horrifying to her (living in SEA the real number is obviously a lot more than that, especially if you include P4P ;)). So I will have no choice but to lie. No two ways about that, but what is good figure to make up which will appease her? Also, what is a good reason to avoid telling her which she will accept?

I have been asked this questions many times ! I have never given an answer!

Its that simple , as i would not be able to know how many never kept a total I did for 5 weeks in cebu 17 girls but hey i am 51 now, did the russian thing before they stopped me going etc.

Just use your words wisely, make them feel special to you and your future. then you don't have to answer!

I always start by saying that i never counted as each time was for love, that you where in love with the girl. If you had i kept a count that would mean you where only after sex ! but this is not who you are! then go on saying that its a good thin as you have learn't how to treat a lady with respect and to make her feel on a cloud etc!

So that when we do make love for the first time she will be so thankful for my expereince as it will be so lovly and gentle, and that she will never ever think about another man as , she will have found her true soul mate in mind , body and dreams!

This is total bull shit but its what they want to hear ok. they know already you had lots, but they need to justify it themselves in their mind. Thats all shes looking for a way to accept your past.

Learn to write to them with this in mind, tell them what you think they want to hear, its a way of saving face for them. This is very important to Filipino's always must save face, no this always give them a chance to save face and you will enjoy your time there so much more even if with a taxi driver etc. use this tactic to give then a way out with saving their face okay mate,

good luck

Great posts already by Porty and Bilbo, so I don't have much to add.

To expand on Porty's idea, you have to accept that the logic is different. In her culture, saving face is logical. Fibs and bullshit and temper tantrums .... to save face is perfectly logical in that culture.

Does that make any sense at all? You have to avoid the temptation to apply your logic to their logic.

I suppost my answer to her question would have been either "Hundreds, too many to count", or , "I'm a virgin...I've been waiting for you." Laugh, then change the subject.

Nevertheless, friction at this point is problematic. Maybe ignore her for a while and see if she changes her tune. If you let her take charge, you might as well mail her your bank card and your testicles.

On the subject of unexplained anger, I recently got an ugly email from a (former) chat friend. I flew into Cebu and also visited Davao during the holidays. She works in MNL and visited her hometown in CDO for the holidays. I wanted to meet her, but things didn't work out for a variety of reasons -- one of which was she replied to my text with, "who are you?" (Yes, I had typed in my name.) I never promised anything beforehand. Anyway, I sent a message saying I was disappointed that I didn't get to meet her.

Wow, I was "trying to trick girls" and I'm a "bastard" and "don't every bother me again."

Too bad, she was hot. Remind me to post her G rated picture.

X

Ok, she can use her cellphone for sms yahoo (I live in the US) and she now says she is coming back to Manila next Friday.

BTW, she doesn't use the internet cafe, she has her own studio, laptop, and internet connection in Manila. She mentioned a city in Metro Manila, but I forget the name of it. I talked to a filipina friend of mine here in the States and she said some of what she says is kinda iffy, but not impossible. To be fair, there's a lot of stuff that checks out (saw her friendster page before I knew she had one), so it's hard to say she's lying.

Xman, I'll get those pics out to ya, give me 24 hours though LOL.

Love is blind....and Internet love is deaf dumb and blind. (sorry if that isn't PC).

You sound obsessed Tony. We all get there from time to time, I'm not being judgmental. If this lady is sometimes flirting and sometimes aloof, it's understandable. You only know her online. There have probably been guys who've come and gone already -- especially if she has her own "studio".

Studio?

My advice is find a few other ladies (see posts on the CHAT thread), keep chatting with this lady but cool it down a bit, and somehow find a way to meet here face to face. My advice is not to send any money, nor make any promises.

X

[QUOTE=Tony Hoeprano]Ok, she can use her cellphone for sms yahoo (I live in the US) and she now says she is coming back to Manila next Friday.

BTW, she doesn't use the internet cafe, she has her own studio, laptop, and internet connection in Manila. She mentioned a city in Metro Manila, but I forget the name of it. I talked to a filipina friend of mine here in the States and she said some of what she says is kinda iffy, but not impossible. To be fair, there's a lot of stuff that checks out (saw her friendster page before I knew she had one), so it's hard to say she's lying.

Xman, I'll get those pics out to ya, give me 24 hours though LOL.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=X Man]
Nevertheless, friction at this point is problematic. Maybe ignore her for a while and see if she changes her tune. If you let her take charge, you might as well mail her your bank card and your testicles. [/QUOTE]

Thanks to Bilbo, Porty, Skip Kost (you guys certainly have a gift for coming up with that romantic BS, I bow to you masters :)). Also thanks X Man for your input into my little dilemma. I highlight your quote above purely because you are spot on with that, and I agree 100%. I knew from the beginning that if I backed down then it would be all over. I let her stew for a while but things have started to pick up again. She really seems to be great girl so far, and I would have been disappointed if I had been forced to ditch her. She seems to like me so I will go with the flow and see where it all ends up. Things can only go so far with online chat though, so I have to try and sustain things until I get over there and meet up with her. Then I will know for sure if she is worth the effort or not. But so far no clues as to alterior motives, and no requests for financial aid in 2 months of chatting. Watch this space!

Translate SEX with MAKE LOVE, and just tell her the number of people you truly loved and made loved with. This way, all details about the relationship will also touch her heart :)

[QUOTE=L A Guy]Thanks to Bilbo, Porty, Skip Kost (you guys certainly have a gift for coming up with that romantic BS, I bow to you masters :)). Also thanks X Man for your input into my little dilemma. I highlight your quote above purely because you are spot on with that, and I agree 100%. I knew from the beginning that if I backed down then it would be all over. I let her stew for a while but things have started to pick up again. She really seems to be great girl so far, and I would have been disappointed if I had been forced to ditch her. She seems to like me so I will go with the flow and see where it all ends up. Things can only go so far with online chat though, so I have to try and sustain things until I get over there and meet up with her. Then I will know for sure if she is worth the effort or not. But so far no clues as to alterior motives, and no requests for financial aid in 2 months of chatting. Watch this space![/QUOTE]

Wow, if this works for you, good on you man. Seems like your doing the etymology...but that's okay.

I avoid the love word. The word "like" works almost as well. Mix things up a bit and while you're thrusting away, throw in a "I love fucking you." It's best to do this at climax, because it gets them thinking about what you really mean.

And you do know what i mean, don't you?


[QUOTE=Member #3119]Translate SEX with MAKE LOVE, and just tell her the number of people you truly loved and made loved with. This way, all details about the relationship will also touch her heart :)[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=L A Guy] But so far no clues as to alterior motives, and no requests for financial aid in 2 months of chatting.[/QUOTE]
Greencard
sponsor her family out of PI and into USA
Money
sob stories about her family's misfortunes
financially support her family every month
send back money to her family secretly, then tell you she does not make that much at her usa job, so you end up buying everything and paying for al the bills.
half your assets
power over you
support her family
bound you with a child
child support
place your balls in a vice
play you like a puppet
make your life a living hell
support her boyfriend and his family
make you pay for yearly trips back to PI to visit family and boyfriend
buy all kind of shit from usa to bring back to PI

She's got you hooked, she's just trying to reel you in. If she asks for money this early on in the relationship, she's going to lose you. Don't worry, it will come.

Rule #1: Never fall in love with a girl from another country, unless they are richer than you. The odds of you finding a true loving girl, without alternative motives, are highly against you.

[QUOTE=Dan Hawaii]
Rule #1: Never fall in love with a girl from another country, unless they are richer than you. The odds of you finding a true loving girl, without alternative motives, are highly against you.[/QUOTE]

From my pillow talk with the hundreds (well, ok dozens)of Pinays I have banged, the common theme is that FAMILY IS EVERYTHING and your the outsider.