Cartagena Reports

Sunday comes around. Newbie wants to go out. Its 11 am, I try to explain to him we do not go out in the day time and its better to just chill in the apartment until the sun goes down. We have everything we need here, pool, liquor, beers, kick ass wireless speakers with heavy bass that can link together, girls on instant call and we can Rappi anything we want. He doesn't get it and wants to go out because some bird keeps making noise by his bedroom window all day. My other boy starts laughing and says "chupando webo", Newbie feels some kind of way because he think he was called a dick sucker. I have to explain to him that's what they call the bird that's making the noise down here. He gets it. Cool, then his chica from last night comes out his room. My boy looks him and ask "where's she going?" he responds "with us, I'm keeping her for the day". I try to explain to him this is not DR and why we do not walk around with the chicas and just bring them to the apartment to have fun but he doesn't get it. Ok, he needs to see it to understand.

All 5 of us leave and as soon as we hit the corner where Hotel El Viajero is to turn down to reach the clocktower everyone is approaching him trying to sell him shit, but not us. Hes trying to figure it out but we just laughing. I tell him "you stand out too much, that basketball Jersey with Yankee fitted isn't doing you any favors but you can only learn why we don't do certain things if we let you see it for yourself". We make it to the clocktower and outside the wall where all the vendors are. Lemonade guy is screaming, orange guy is screaming but I only have ears for the Coconut guy! I tell Newbie don't buy any of these juices, my other boy head over and buys pineapple slices and the chica joins him. I snake my way though the vendors to coconut guy as I've been dying for coconut water since Exito stores were out of coconut water since I landed. 5 mil per coconut? Fuck it, give me 4, I need this. Coconut guy took so long to dig down to the bottom of the ice cooler to get the coconuts that when I turned around I see Newbie drinking the damn lemonade. My other boy come over eating the pineapple slices shaking his head and says "didn't you tell him?" I respond back with "I told him not to, but I didn't tell him why he shouldn't. " (for those of you who don't know, they make that juice with mineral water or tap water, most likely its will be tap water. You do not want to drink the tap water here especially when it rains allot). Newbie comes back with 2 lemonades in his hand like he won the lottery, saying "this lemonade is on point! One of these for 2 mil, but he didn't have change so I told him to give me another one and keep the change". His chica comes back and says "Papi Noooo, no bueno!" I couldn't say anything, I got 4 coconuts for 20 mil he got 2 lemonades for 5 mil, hes winning. For now. We make our way around the outside of the wall and I point out the ATM inside Scotia bank. I explain to Newbie they will limit you at 900 mil per transaction but you can do multiple until you hit your daily withdrawal limit you set on your debit card. He gets it, kind of. He goes in and comes out with 2 pockets stuffed like hamster cheeks. I asked him "what's up with your pockets?" he responds "The ATM only gave him 20's", my other boy asked him "how many transactions did you do?" he responds "two. Why?" My boy and I just looked at each other and realized he pulled out a shit ton of pesos but his flight is tomorrow (Monday). Ok we need to empty his pockets so back to the apartment we go. When were walking back to the apartment we walk by allot of people and one of the Colombian men said something in Spanish but the only thing I understood in the whole sentence was "Negro, grande, pene, puta" but I can see in the chicas face that she's bothered by something as her attitude changed and she was being more distant from him. I kind of pieced together what happened and I get it, Newbie doesn't get it. My other boy pulls him aside and tell him when we passed those guys back there one of them made a comment "all you working girls like those big black dicks". Its then he starts to realize people are watching him, especially older Colombian men, then it his him when he was walking with her holding her hand, cab drivers are slowing down rolling down their windows looking at him. (for those of you who do not know, Colombian men do not like foreigners with Colombian women, same as Thailand because many Colombian women do not date Colombian men, when you ask the chicas why, they say Colombian men have no money and the men see the women as "theirs" So we get inside and he looks like he just came out the shower, dripping with sweat, and complaining his throat is itchy. My other boy jokes and says "Yes sir! Thats the COVID taking hold" then I notice he still have the lemonade cup in his hand and hes still drinking the lemonade. The chica is still a bit troubled so I tell her she can go or hang out, her choice. She wants to go I let her out and so she goes. I get back and Newbie is shitting away. He gets it, and now understands why we don't go outside in the daytime, or with chicas, and why we don't drink the damn juices from those carts filled with ice.

We stay inside, the nurse comes to give him his Covid test to return, the bird keeps annoying him so he calls over another chica to party with him. He negotiated for 200 mil for 1 polvo. She comes over and hangs out for about 3 hours. He gets it. He understands. During that time my other boy decides to start cleaning up to get things ready for the night while I try to figure out what to do with all his pesos because we are not hitting the clubs while the Sosua guys are here. Plan was for him to give me the pesos and ill give him dollars, hes cool with keeping the pesos because he will come back next year he says. Ok cool. Time passes and Newbie wants to get a new girl, ok cool, lets go out and do a loop to see what we get.

Newbie finds this one chica but she only wants to be paid in Dollars. He comes running to me wanting to swap pesos for dollars I tell him its foolish to do so and he should pay her in pesos he goes back and looks like they worked it out because she's walking back with him holding her hand. My other boy grabs a new girl works out his deal and I'm left with nothing. I'm looking for something unique but they are all looking the same, clones, clones, clones. Just then someone taps me on my shoulder and says "Puto Negro". Only one person ever calls me that and surely enough I turn around and its this afro-Latina chic I was with a few times earlier in the year but I never told I was coming back. She starts asking me why I never returned her messages, surely enough I check my Whatsapp and she's muted indefinitely along with their status. I told her its because she asked for money once I landed back home. She gets it starts laughing and says same agreement as last time. Ok, cool might as well at this point and were all back to the apartment to party.

Its now about 2 am, everyone already had their first polvo, dancing, playing games and having fun in the pool when my chica is constantly on her phone for the last 5 minutes texting frantically. I'm thinking she's doing business to line up the next gringo for tomorrow so I go over to tell her not on my time, its then she asks for a favor. Can her amiga come over for a few hours until morning. I ask what's wrong and she says there's a problem with a gringo and its best for her to be here, Ok I don't really care we are still under the apartments limit (don't do what I did, never make their problems your problems). Its not 2:30 am everyone sleeping except my chica and I, the girl shows up, my chica goes to get her, the friend comes in crying and mad. I ask what happened (again never do this, their problems are their problems). Using the translator she goes on a emotional rant. According to her" She met a guy coming out the disco, they negotiated for 800 mil la noche dos polvos, she left with him and his friends as there were other girs with them. They got the apartment and she wanted to be paid first but he wouldn't and agreed to pay half now and half in the morning. They did their thing and when he left the room to wash up another guy who wasn't with them enter the room and tried to have sex with her, she told him no and then the original guy came back to the room and told her she has to do it or she won't get paid the rest of the money and if not to give back the money he gave her. So she gave back half the money he gave her and he let her leave. So I ask her "why come here why not go home", she responds "she lives almost 2 hours away and its not safe to travel at this time". I point her to my room told her to shower off and get in the bed. My chica and I are still talking its almost 4 am, Newbie comes out hes having problems with the CheckMig site, it won't let him register for departure. I tell him "don't worry about it, your flight is at 3 pm that's 11 hours from now, you have time" (big fucking mistake on my part and I suggest everyone to fill out the CheckMIG at the first opportunity when your date becomes available).

[QUOTE=Nypher;2597275]Sunday comes around. Newbie wants to go out. Its 11 am, I try to explain to him we do not go out in the day time and its better to just chill in the apartment until the sun goes down. We have everything we need here, pool, liquor, beers, kick ass wireless speakers with heavy bass that can link together, girls on instant call and we can Rappi anything we want. He doesn't get it and wants to go out because some bird keeps making noise by his bedroom window all day. My other boy starts laughing and says "chupando webo", Newbie feels some kind of way because he think he was called a dick sucker. I have to explain to him that's what they call the bird that's making the noise down here. He gets it. Cool, then his chica from last night comes out his room. My boy looks him and ask "where's she going?" he responds "with us, I'm keeping her for the day". I try to explain to him this is not DR and why we do not walk around with the chicas and just bring them to the apartment to have fun but he doesn't get it. Ok, he needs to see it to understand.

All 5 of us leave and as soon as we hit the corner where Hotel El Viajero is to turn down to reach the clocktower everyone is approaching him trying to sell him shit, but not us. Hes trying to figure it out but we just laughing. I tell him "you stand out too much, that basketball Jersey with Yankee fitted isn't doing you any favors but you can only learn why we don't do certain things if we let you see it for yourself". We make it to the clocktower and outside the wall where all the vendors are. Lemonade guy is screaming, orange guy is screaming but I only have ears for the Coconut guy! I tell Newbie don't buy any of these juices, my other boy head over and buys pineapple slices and the chica joins him. I snake my way though the vendors to coconut guy as I've been dying for coconut water since Exito stores were out of coconut water since I landed. 5 mil per coconut? Fuck it, give me 4, I need this. Coconut guy took so long to dig down to the bottom of the ice cooler to get the coconuts that when I turned around I see Newbie drinking the damn lemonade. My other boy come over eating the pineapple slices shaking his head and says "didn't you tell him?" I respond back with "I told him not to, but I didn't tell him why he shouldn't. " (for those of you who don't know, they make that juice with mineral water or tap water, most likely its will be tap water. You do not want to drink the tap water here especially when it rains allot). Newbie comes back with 2 lemonades in his hand like he won the lottery, saying "this lemonade is on point! One of these for 2 mil, but he didn't have change so I told him to give me another one and keep the change". His chica comes back and says "Papi Noooo, no bueno!" I couldn't say anything, I got 4 coconuts for 20 mil he got 2 lemonades for 5 mil, hes winning..[/QUOTE]Keep them coming! I'm learning a lot from your reports.

You do not have to fill out a CheckMig when returning to the States. It is only needed to enter Colombia.

[QUOTE=Lebyteme;2597542]You do not have to fill out a CheckMig when returning to the States. It is only needed to enter Colombia.[/QUOTE]Travelers need 3 things to exit Colombia and enter the States.

1. Negative Antigen Covid test.

2. CheckMIG departure filled out.

3. Sign the waiver stating that you have been tested negative for covid.

Without those you will not get through security.

Ill go into further detail when I post the report on what happened Monday with the Newbie was trying to leave without the CheckMig completed then JetBlue kept delaying the flight until they canceled it.

[QUOTE=Nypher;2597607]Travelers need 3 things to exit Colombia and enter the States.

1. Negative Antigen Covid test.

2. CheckMIG departure filled out.

3. Sign the waiver stating that you have been tested negative for covid.

Without those you will not get through security.

Ill go into further detail when I post the report on what happened Monday with the Newbie was trying to leave without the CheckMig completed then JetBlue kept delaying the flight until they canceled it.[/QUOTE]This is definitely good-to-know info, looking forward to heareing about the newbie trying to leave without the CheckMig completed, this is something people want to avoid. Thanks.

[QUOTE=Lebyteme;2597542]You do not have to fill out a CheckMig when returning to the States. It is only needed to enter Colombia.[/QUOTE]Yes you will need to complete the form Check MiG when you get to customs in Colombia. I had that same thought that I didn't need it but they will ask you for it at the time you enter the airport or they will send you to customer service to use the wi-fi to get it before you get to customs. I made that clear in my trip report how I paid the girl in customer service to help me and I got the reply in like 5 seconds. And was on my way to the U.S.A this was departure not arrival from Colombia.

[QUOTE=KcTalent;2597711]Yes you will need to complete the form Check MiG when you get to customs in Colombia. I made that clear in my trip report how I paid the girl in customer service to help me and I got the reply in like 5 seconds. And was on my way to the U.S.A this was departure not arrival from Colombia.[/QUOTE]There is a reason one says arrival and one says departure.

Sunday night / Monday morning.

Newbie goes back in his room, My chica and I head over to my room. Her friend is knocked out cold in the middle of the bed with her phone in her hand. My chica says to let her sleep cause she had a rough night, so I say "Fuck it, pick a side. " She picks the side closest to the door. (one thing I noticed was the every girl I've been with on this trip, whenever its time to sleep they always picked the side that's closest to the door like they have to be able to run out at any minute). I take the friends phone, turn on the screen and of course as usual, the battery is in the red so I put it on the charger in the living room. (lately all these girls have been showing up with batteries in the yellow or red, doesn't matter time of day so I kept an 5 Port Anker charger in the living room with 5 cables attached iphone / USBC / Micro USB). Walking back to my room I hear Newbies toilet flush, yep, he's still shitting from that lemonade jajaja.

Monday morning comes around, and I hear things being moved around in the bedroom. Its too early for this shit so my eyes are still closed and I blindly move my hand feel whose still in the bed, I'm feeling braids and big tits (my chica), I'm not felling straight hair and small tits (her friend). Its been a long night, I don't want to open my eyes so I just say "Di Mae" she responds "phone". I have no idea how to say living room in Spanish but I do know how to say outside because sometimes you have to tell these chicas its time for them to go so I respond back with "afuera". She gets it, and goes to the living room. I go back to sleep. I don't know how much time passes but now the friend is tapping me and saying "Comida". Again I don't want to open my eyes so I just respond back with "Rappi". She leaves, then my boy comes in "Yo! This chick cooked up a storm out here, you better come get some before its all gone cause its a lot of us" Fine I get up, walk up my chica, we wash up and head to the kitchen, everyone's already eating and she did cook us a slamming breakfast. I realize Newbies girl is still here and its after 9 am. So I ask him "Did you pay her already so she can go?" he responds back with "I paid her last night", I ask "Where the fuck you got dollars from?" he responds "Zelle". I'm confused by this, so I ask "Zelle? Like Zelle Zelle?" he nods his head. So I look at my boy and ask "since when these chicas start taking Zelle payments?" he just shrugs his shoulders and keeps eating like this isn't a new discovery where we can direct pay the chicas instead of taking a loss exchanging money or getting hit with double ATM fees every time we pull out pesos. Its whatever, we will figure that out later I guess. Newbie gets up to put his plate and cup in the sink, his chica stops him and and takes his plate and cup to go wash them, hes shocked by this, so my boy tells him "This is why we don't fuck with American chicks like that and would rather use our money here where we are appreciated instead of tolerated". Newbie starts walking to him room and I realize hes walking funny. So in a joking way I ask "Who fucked who last night cause you look like you got it from the back rough" My chica kind of picks up on it and says "Quarto, duro!" and everyone starts laughing. Newbie says "Naw man, my ass is hurting from that toilet paper". Chances are he was wiping too much with their rough toilet paper and rubbed of some skin on his anus. So I tell my chica to give him her pussy cream, and the rest of her wet wipes and ill give her extra to buy new ones. She agrees and comes back and gives him the stuff, he starts asking random questions "why this say virginial on it? Why do I need wet wipes?" So I have to explain to him down here allot of these girls get injured when working. What happens is that the condom sometimes dry out and starts rubbing against their inner walls and it peals the skin away from their inside, so for them to heal quickly and work again they use that cream as lube so they can work and heal them quicker. Also they don't really use the toilet paper the use the wet naps because the toilet paper sticks in-between their stuff. He gets it.

Breakfast is done, the chicas are getting ready to leave, and just out of curiosity I ask my chicas friend which club was the guy coming from when he approached her. She says Delirium. So I tell her "bullshit happens on both sides in there which is why I don't like going there. Yes you girls can get us black guys to pay more in there but you have to make it clear to them what they can or can't do before you go with them. She responds back with "but your nice. " I tell her "I'm not nice, I just understand, don't use me as an example for all the others I'm just here to represent me, the girls who like being around me will come to me, the ones who want to chase the money will go to them. " Then I explain to her, she wanted 800 mil, he gave her 400 mil, then she had to give him back 200 mil in order to leave so she just got the standard ST rate and lost out on 600 mil because of some bullshit, but if she came to me for the same 200 mil she have right now, she would have been in a more relaxed environment zero bullshit. (the translator app is a little rough but I think she gets it because she responded with an "entiendo") All 4 girls left.

Its now around 11 am, new guy is too busy packing up to complete CheckMIG and clears out his room and out the door by 12 pm to get to the airport. He wants to be there early. I tried to explain to him the airport is only 15 minutes away max, and when you get there they will make you wait outside on a line in this heat, then once you clear the line, bag check, passport control, immigration, and security, you will be stuck in the terminal and you only source of food will be Bukash's dry ass pastries unless you drown them in sauce. He didn't get it and wanted to go. OK Cool, I told him, when he gets there make sure none of those guys grab his suitcase out of the car and bring it to the line or put it on a cart, remember the *free ladder*. He laughed. He still haven't done the CheckMIG yet.

*All this I'm not there to see but I'm hearing from him calling and texting.

He says he got there and the cab driver got out and took his suitcase out the car and told him 20 mil. By the time he found the money to pay for the cab and turned around some guy was already standing there holding his suitcase asking him which airline. So he told them JetBlue, the guy then starts rolling his suitcase to the Jetblue line, They both get there and the guy says "propina" and that when he realized what just happened jajaja. So he gave him 2 mil. Then they made him wait outside, he have no water with him and nowhere you get any from. Then almost 2 hours later it was finally time for them to let them in, the person outside managing the line asked to see his negative COVID test and gave him a paper to sign stating that he tested negative and told him, write your name, check the first box then sign and date the bottom. He gets inside and on the checkin / bag drop line and starts hearing CheckMIG and that's when he remembers he needs to fill it out. Hes trying to do it and it won't go through, apparently everyone is trying to do it last minute and its causing the site problems but he cannot check his bag unless he completes that form. He says lots of people were on the line trying to do it as well and they had to help everyone which took about 30 minutes for him. He then decided not to check his bag because its a carry on size, handed over the form he signed, showed them the negative test and the email from CheckMIG and made it through passport control, immigration, and security. He calls back about 20 minutes later ranting. He wants to shit but because they blocked every other urinal, people are using the toilets more to pee and they look disgusting with pee all over the seats and floor. Then he realize there is only the one store I told him about that sold limited pastries. He figures it out and hangs up. At this time, one of my chicas text me that the big Exito stocked up on baby coronas again so my friend and I went to get a few 6 packs to restock the fridge.

He text me back, his 3:15 pm flight is delayed to 3:40, then delayed to 4:10 pm. Then they changed his Gate, Then they had to deplane, then the delay went to 6:10 pm, then 8:10 pm then it changed to 7 am and he was not having it. He shows back up at the apartment ready to get another chica because he is stressed and want to "relax" OK cool. He's going through his whatsapp list looking for a good one but since he told the girls when he was leaving allot of them deleted him already so he can't see their display picture. He has like 10 girls in his phone all named Paola, I'm trying my best not to laugh so he goes on Tinder and start swiping. He gets a match in minutes and they start talking. He shows me the picture of her body. Nice slim Afro Latina, looks super young like she's fresh on the market, looks like a classic Rhianna clone (not the new bleached one) then I saw the gap in her two front teeth and I remember this girl, and I tell him "Unless you have the girth of that baby corona I wouldn't bother, I know her as Dari, her body snapped back after she pushed the baby about 3 years ago but I don't think they stitched her back up, its loose" he decides to wait until night time to get something. Night time hits and I'm texting my chicas, no ones responding, I figure its Monday night so everyone went back home for the weekend (On Tuesday I found out why). My other boy comes out his room with another girl and says he's staying in for the night and keeping her as he's got a good deal so its just me and the new guy to hit the street and find something new on a Monday night (not the best night to do this). We find 2 friends both looking good and have good energy, new faces, they don't know us which is perfect so the don't know what to expect when we get back to the apartment. I didn't want to haggle so I let Newbie do it. He comes back with 500 mil la noche, dos polvos. He's getting it, he's learning. Ok an extra $25 a piece won't hurt but now I have to change the rules of the game to offset that extra 100 mil their getting, so instead of winners get 50 mil and looser takes a shot now its winner gets 20 mil. And its off to play drinking games!

I am posting this in "Cartagena Lists" also.

Places to get Covid test for return to USA.

This is a comprehensive list of places in Colombia to get Covid tested listed by city, giving the webiste, physical location, hours they are open, whether or not you need an appointment, the type of tests offered, the phone number, the turn around time for types of tests they do at each location, and the price.

[URL]https://co.usembassy.gov/wp-content/uploads/sites/103/COVID-Testing-Locations-in-Colombia.pdf[/URL]

[QUOTE=MojoBandit;2597955]This is a comprehensive list of places in Colombia to get Covid tested listed by city, giving the webiste, physical location, hours they are open, whether or not you need an appointment, the type of tests offered, the phone number, the turn around time for types of tests they do at each location, and the price.

[URL]https://co.usembassy.gov/wp-content/uploads/sites/103/COVID-Testing-Locations-in-Colombia.pdf[/URL][/QUOTE]Good effort, but this list is horrible. Seems many of the places are connected. Nothing under $35 and takes at least 1 day for an antigen test? In actuality there are many places where you can get an antigen test for $15 and only takes a few minutes.

[QUOTE=MrEnternational;2597971]Good effort, but this list is horrible. Seems many of the places are connected. Nothing under $35 and takes at least 1 day for an antigen test? In actuality there are many places where you can get an antigen test for $15 and only takes a few minutes.[/QUOTE]I had that same list printed out but didn't even look at it because the touts were constantly advertising the tests along with boat trips.

The place we used came to our apartment and charged newbie 165 mil for antigen. They tell you your results right on the spot within 5 minutes, then text or email the official results in 1 hour.

I was there a few days ago 4th time in Cartagena and every time I'm there I say I'm going to try that lemonade or the orange one. They look so good and refreshing but in the back of my mind I always figured something wasn't right with it. I'm glad you confirmed my assumptions.

[QUOTE=Nypher;2597275]Sunday comes around. Newbie wants to go out. Its 11 am, I try to explain to him we do not go out in the day time and its better to just chill in the apartment until the sun goes down. We have everything we need here, pool, liquor, beers, kick ass wireless speakers with heavy bass that can link together, girls on instant call and we can Rappi anything we want. He doesn't get it and wants to go out because some bird keeps making noise by his bedroom window all day. My other boy starts laughing and says "chupando webo", Newbie feels some kind of way because he think he was called a dick sucker. I have to explain to him that's what they call the bird that's making the noise down here. He gets it. Cool, then his chica from last night comes out his room. My boy looks him and ask "where's she going?" he responds "with us, I'm keeping her for the day". I try to explain to him this is not DR and why we do not walk around with the chicas and just bring them to the apartment to have fun but he doesn't get it. Ok, he needs to see it to understand.

All 5 of us leave and as soon as we hit the corner where Hotel El Viajero is to turn down to reach the clocktower everyone is approaching him trying to sell him shit, but not us. Hes trying to figure it out but we just laughing. I tell him "you stand out too much, that basketball Jersey with Yankee fitted isn't doing you any favors but you can only learn why we don't do certain things if we let you see it for yourself". We make it to the clocktower and outside the wall where all the vendors are. Lemonade guy is screaming, orange guy is screaming but I only have ears for the Coconut guy! I tell Newbie don't buy any of these juices, my other boy head over and buys pineapple slices and the chica joins him. I snake my way though the vendors to coconut guy as I've been dying for coconut water since Exito stores were out of coconut water since I landed. 5 mil per coconut? Fuck it, give me 4, I need this..[/QUOTE]

Guess I just got lucky cause I was in Cartagena Memorial Day and early August. Both times leaving I didn't fill out the form and both times no one bothered to check. They only wanted to see that negative COVID test.

[QUOTE=Nypher;2597607]Travelers need 3 things to exit Colombia and enter the States.

1. Negative Antigen Covid test.

2. CheckMIG departure filled out.

3. Sign the waiver stating that you have been tested negative for covid.

Without those you will not get through security.

Ill go into further detail when I post the report on what happened Monday with the Newbie was trying to leave without the CheckMig completed then JetBlue kept delaying the flight until they canceled it.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Nypher;2598011]I had that same list printed out but didn't even look at it because the touts were constantly advertising the tests along with boat trips.

The place we used came to our apartment and charged newbie 165 mil for antigen. They tell you your results right on the spot within 5 minutes, then text or email the official results in 1 hour.[/QUOTE]Which place did you use?

[QUOTE=Nypher;2598011]I had that same list printed out but didn't even look at it because the touts were constantly advertising the tests along with boat trips.

The place we used came to our apartment and charged newbie 165 mil for antigen. They tell you your results right on the spot within 5 minutes, then text or email the official results in 1 hour.[/QUOTE]Do you have the name and phone number of this place?