Cartagena Reports

One of my cousins checked in a box with alcohol which did not arrive on his flight. It came the next day. After we ate lunch at a normal-priced Colombian restaurant, 3 of us went to the airport to pick up the box. The rest of the guys were supposed to be heading to Hollywood Beach. My cousin learned his lesson that it is better to go to the grocery store on arrival if you want alcohol and stay away from importing it and the duty frees.

We got back and dropped off the box and walked to the beach to meet up with the other guys. Except when we got there, they were still at the place where we just dropped off the box. How their place is set up, they have the entire floor, but there are separate rooms like a hotel. One of the rooms have the kitchen, dining room, and 2 bedrooms. The rest of the rooms are like single hotel-style rooms. So they just leave the one room open so people can use the kitchen or whatever anytime.

So yeah the guys are not at the beach but we tell the waiter at Caliwood Kiosk #4, Peter, that we need a place for 7. The place is noisy as fuck. It is like everyone is blasting their own music under each umbrella. As soon as we sat down the vendors were on us like flies to shit. People kept trying to rent bluetooth speakers to us which explained the noise. Massage ladies would not leave us alone. I kept telling my cousins just say no no matter how much they touch on you.

We ordered drinks. I ordered a pina colada in a glass and one of my cousins ordered a caipirinha. My other cousin wanted his pina colada in the pineapple but I talked him out of that. I told him they were going to hit him over the head for that pineapple and it was going to hold less than the cup. (In Ecuador once my girl wanted hers in the pineapple. I told her what I just told you but she did not believe it. I had the bartender pour the shit from my glass into the pineapple and when it filled up there was still some left in my glass that would not fit.) So you can pay extra to be cute and have less drink or you can pay the normal price and have the correct amount of drink.

When he brought the drinks I told him to bring the bill. He insisted that he would just bring a final bill when it was time to go. I said I was not falling for that and would pay as we go. It took me a out 10 times asking for it for him to finally bring it. Then once we paid, it took us about 10 times asking for him to bring the change.

For those that do not know, the prices on the beach are a tourist ripoff and the government actually regulates the prices. The only way it kind of works out is if you only buy 1 drink. The price for 2 chairs and an umbrella is 20,000 per the government. What the kiosk is doing is telling you that the chairs and umbrellas are free, but including it into the price of other things. So the 55,000 kind of works if you only buy 1 drink (Not really though because the drink would still be overpiced because its price is supposed to be 15,000, so they are still charging you 20,000 extra). But if you buy 2 drinks you have in essence paid for the chairs and umbrella twice. Of course tourists are none the wiser to these things. There was also a 16% service charge added to the bill.

The other guys finally arrived. My cousin told me his thing was getting a manicure and pedicure at the beach. It was 50,000. I said come on man. You are letting a strange chick poke and prod you on a dirty beach with tools that have touched you do not know who or what. Meanwhile I pay 25,000 in a clean ass salon. He could not resist though. Soon all the guys were getting massages or their nails done. One guy told me to ask the chick that was doing another guy's nails about a happy ending. I asked her and she said you have to talk to those hoes about that, because I do not do happy endings. I fell out laughing.

So when the lady finished my cousin's nails the price magically went from 50,000 to 100,000. She said she had to charge him for a half massage too. I fell out laughing saying I told you, I told you. They argued back and forth and when she finally realized he was not going to give her 100,000, she left with the original 50,000.

I told the happy ending lady why'all think we are some damn fools huh? Then I showed her the prices from the government with the number you are supposed to call if someone tries to cheat you. She said you know too damn much. We started laughing. She gave me her menu so I could take pictures of it. You can see that her complete massage is 300,000, while the government says it can be no more than 50,000. You can also see that the govermnent says braids are 30,000 while her menu says 90,000. This is exactly why after my first time to Cartagena years ago I said fuck that ripoff ass place and only returned during the day driving from Barranquilla to go to Baru.

P.S. I am with a girl in Barranquilla and she told me a story of someone eating fish on the beach in Cartagena. In true fashion they said not to worry about the price and in the end tried to charge them 2,000,000 pesos. They had to call the police to straighten it out.

[QUOTE=MrEnternational;2933484]We ordered drinks. I ordered a pina colada in a glass and one of my cousins ordered a caipirinha. My other cousin wanted his pina colada in the pineapple but I talked him out of that. I told him they were going to hit him over the head for that pineapple and it was going to hold less than the cup.

When he brought the drinks I told him to bring the bill. He insisted that he would just bring a final bill when it was time to go. I said I was not falling for that and would pay as we go. It took me a out 10 times asking for it for him to finally bring it. Then once we paid, it took us about 10 times asking for him to bring the change.

For those that do not know, the prices on the beach are a tourist ripoff and the government actually regulates the prices. The only way it kind of works out is if you only buy 1 drink. The price for 2 chairs and an umbrella is 20,000 per the government. What the kiosk is doing is telling you that the chairs and umbrellas are free, but including it into the price of other things. So the 55,000 kind of works if you only buy 1 drink (Not really though because the drink would still be overpiced because its price is supposed to be 15,000, so they are still charging you 20,000 extra). But if you buy 2 drinks you have in essence paid for the chairs and umbrella twice. Of course tourists are none the wiser to these things. There was also a 16% service charge added to the bill.

The other guys finally arrived. My cousin told me his thing was getting a manicure and pedicure at the beach. It was 50,000. I said come on man. You are letting a strange chick poke and prod you on a dirty beach with tools that have touched you do not know who or what. Meanwhile I pay 25,000 in a clean ass salon. He could not resist though. Soon all the guys were getting massages or their nails done. One guy told me to ask the chick that was doing another guy's nails about a happy ending. I asked her and she said you have to talk to those hoes about that, because I do not do happy endings. I fell out laughing..[/QUOTE]Yes, be careful if you take the launch from the beach to the island of Baru. They will charge you ten times the normal rate. And if you order a fish meal on the island the price is about twenty times. They tried to charge me about $50 US for a fish lunch for 2. My Colombian girlfriend (now my ex-wife after only one year of marriage) did nothing to protest, just let them rip me off. I have not been to Cartagena for 1. 5 years now. You are correct, the vendors are relentless, like flies on garbage. And when you say "no moleste" they all respond, "this is my job!" and then they say, "this is not your Country. " Correct. And I do not need to go back there for more suffering.

[QUOTE=MrEnternational;2933484] My cousin told me his thing was getting a manicure and pedicure at the beach. It was 50,000. I said come on man. You are letting a strange chick poke and prod you on a dirty beach with tools that have touched you do not know who or what. Meanwhile I pay 25,000 in a clean ass salon. He could not resist though. Soon all the guys were getting massages or their nails done. One guy told me to ask the chick that was doing another guy's nails about a happy ending. I asked her and she said you have to talk to those hoes about that, because I do not do happy endings. I fell out laughing.

So when the lady finished my cousin's nails the price magically went from 50,000 to 100,000. She said she had to charge him for a half massage too. I fell out laughing saying I told you, I told you. They argued back and forth and when she finally realized he was not going to give her 100,000, she left with the original 50,000. .[/QUOTE]Most of those massage ladies on Hollywood Beach do not look too appealing and the ladies at a clean salon look way better and there can be more privacy. Also the massage ladies at the beach harass too much and just walk up to you and start rubbing your shoulders without you even asking. I turn them all down and send them on their way. No thank you!

[QUOTE=HumbleHal;2933594]Yes, be careful if you take the launch from the beach to the island of Baru. They will charge you ten times the normal rate. And if you order a fish meal on the island the price is about twenty times. They tried to charge me about $50 US for a fish lunch for 2. My Colombian girlfriend (now my ex-wife after only one year of marriage) did nothing to protest, just let them rip me off. I have not been to Cartagena for 1. 5 years now. You are correct, the vendors are relentless, like flies on garbage. And when you say "no moleste" they all respond, "this is my job!" and then they say, "this is not your Country. " Correct. And I do not need to go back there for more suffering.[/QUOTE]That's why I always pay in COP. It's best to take land transportation to Baru from Cartagena to Baru and then a fast launcha to one of the Rosario Islands. Me and my Chica did this and she arranged it. 60 k per person for everything.

[QUOTE=MrEnternational;2933484]One of my cousins checked in a box with alcohol which did not arrive on his flight. It came the next day. After we ate lunch at a normal-priced Colombian restaurant, 3 of us went to the airport to pick up the box. The rest of the guys were supposed to be heading to Hollywood Beach. My cousin learned his lesson that it is better to go to the grocery store on arrival if you want alcohol and stay away from importing it and the duty frees.

We got back and dropped off the box and walked to the beach to meet up with the other guys. Except when we got there, they were still at the place where we just dropped off the box. How their place is set up, they have the entire floor, but there are separate rooms like a hotel. One of the rooms have the kitchen, dining room, and 2 bedrooms. The rest of the rooms are like single hotel-style rooms. So they just leave the one room open so people can use the kitchen or whatever anytime.

So yeah the guys are not at the beach but we tell the waiter at Caliwood Kiosk #4, Peter, that we need a place for 7. The place is noisy as fuck. It is like everyone is blasting their own music under each umbrella. As soon as we sat down the vendors were on us like flies to shit. People kept trying to rent bluetooth speakers to us which explained the noise. Massage ladies would not leave us alone. I kept telling my cousins just say no no matter how much they touch on you..[/QUOTE]The service charge was 10%, standard. But thanks for some useful info finally. I'll be there in Dec and yes they will all try hard to scam you.

[QUOTE=Elvis2008;2933438]First off, I think you will agree that is not in Cartagena anymore. The deals at the clock tower are gone. And I agree that the SW and Casa prices in Bogota and Medellin are cheaper than Europe, there is the cost of the sex tourist accusation, the drugging's, the muggings, and the killings. If any of those things happen, that cheap pussy is not cheap.[/QUOTE]Good point, if we are comparing touristy / vacation destinations with beaches, infrastructure etc the Med or Bogota don't qualify.

I was at the beach in Barranquilla today and a lady came around offering massages for 10,000 pesos. Said she usually charges 20,000.

[QUOTE=MrEnternational;2933755]I was at the beach in Barranquilla today and a lady came around offering massages for 10,000 pesos. Said she usually charges 20,000.[/QUOTE]Never been to the Colombian coast but that's a bit depressing looking beach, is it all like that over in Colombia? In my head I kind of had an image of palms, white sand and blue / transparent water.

[QUOTE=TonyEm;2933891]Never been to the Colombian coast but that's a bit depressing looking beach, is it all like that over in Colombia? In my head I kind of had an image of palms, white sand and blue / transparent water.[/QUOTE]LOL. Pretty much. Unless you go on a day trip to Baru in Cartagena or San Andres Island. Otherwise, the beaches of Colombia are no paradise.

[QUOTE=TonyEm;2933891]Never been to the Colombian coast but that's a bit depressing looking beach, is it all like that over in Colombia?[/QUOTE]Have you not done any sort of research for yourself or watched any YouTube or any other videos of Colombian beaches and islands? Definitely sounds like you haven't attempted to do any of it.

[QUOTE=MrEnternational;2933937]LOL. Pretty much. Unless you go on a day trip to Baru in Cartagena or San Andres Island. Otherwise, the beaches of Colombia are no paradise.[/QUOTE]Actually Baru (Playa Blanca) and San Andres were my best experiences. Other beaches were also descent but not as bad as Barranquilla or Cartagena. Tierra Bomba Island at Punta Arena has a better looking beach than Hollywood Beach in Cartagena and you can see the Cartagena skyline from Tierra Bomba Island. I've been to Rodadero Beach before and that beach is better than in Santa Marta. Keep in mind that Colombia is the only country in South America that has 2 coast. One coast in the Caribbean Sea and the other coast on the Pacific Ocean. I have not been to the Pacific coast of Colombia yet.

The picture is on Rodadero Beach near Santa Marta.

[QUOTE=TonyEm;2933891]Never been to the Colombian coast but that's a bit depressing looking beach, is it all like that over in Colombia? In my head I kind of had an image of palms, white sand and blue / transparent water.[/QUOTE]Tierra Bomba Island at Punta Arena near Cartagena, Colombia.

[QUOTE=TonyEm;2933891]Never been to the Colombian coast but that's a bit depressing looking beach, is it all like that over in Colombia? In my head I kind of had an image of palms, white sand and blue / transparent water.[/QUOTE]Tierra Bomba Island at Punta Arena near Cartagena, Colombia.

Some beaches in Colombia aren't bad.

Some beaches in Colombia aren't bad.