American Women

Alex:

I find it hilarious that your sole conclusion to my post is that "you are a woman". Firstly, I can assure you this is not the case (nor am I gay by any stretch). Secondly, that conclusion further supports the idea that you are delusional and will rationalize anything which conflicts with your perspective in a way that is easier to digest for you. My advice remains--remove those blinders and "get a clue" (therapy could be very helpful in this regard). Once you abandon those delusional biases, you will be amazed at how differently the world really looks.

Fred

Fred -- I trust you know I was being ironic, as I was simply saying that if you were a woman travelling with a long-term girlfriend and on a monger board... :)

joe_zop:

Irony understood and no offense was taken, which is precisely why my comments were solely directed toward Alex.

Fred

I'm back...Relaxed and revitalised (and tanned!) after a gorgeous four day weekend at a tiny beach town in the middle of nowhere. Ahhhhh...

I'm going to ignore that petulant little Alex boy from now on, because that particular debate (or lack thereof) is becoming verrrrry tedious. I will say only one more thing on the matter before I leave it for good, and that is .....DAMN you're sexy when you're angry, Joe!! LOL

Welcome Fred, and thank you. :) I agree with your post completely. There is a lot of stereotyping being done in this forum (and I admit I've done it as well). It is quite ridiculous to say that ALL MEN this and ALL WOMEN that, because we can all respond with examples of people we know who do not fit the stereotypes. What we need to be doing instead, is accepting that some of us are having trouble getting laid (regardless of our gender) and trying to work out why that is. As you've pointed out, there are many women, like myself and your female friends, who CAN'T GET LAID!! Now if certain men in this section had bothered to HEAR that, rather than refusing to budge from their "Women can always get it and men can't" mantra, they would know that they only have to FIND that group of women and they're home free!! But they will never find this group of women, because no matter how much evidence points to the contrary, they REFUSE to acknowledge that those women even exist!

And I do hope you weren't serious about being a "hopefully last-time poster" in this topic...

Joe,

I have to admit that I am NOT a Mills and Boons fan...actually, I can't stand soppy romance stories! But I do think you summed up the "essence" of the romance novel brilliantly. I think, as you recognised, the most important thing on the list has to be "Attention, attention, attention". Women verbalise. We all know that. Women don't like to keep ANYTHING bottled up, and if there is something on our mind, we are gonna make sure that EVERYONE within a ten mile radius knows about it. Now there are plenty of men who find that intensely annoying...but what they need to realise is it's really a GODSEND. There is no guesswork involved for men!! Women tell you EXACTLY what they want, in no uncertain terms! Ok, so some of the things we say can be confusing and changing our minds the very moment you think you finally understand us, is something we are famous for. But that only happens with the big stuff...and the big stuff is not important. We just like to know that you are listening. For example, if I mention to you on Tuesday that I HATE Adam Sandler and then you turn up on Friday night with champagne, chocolates and the Water Boy DVD...I will not be impressed!!!

One of the best ways to get a woman interested (in my opinion) is to remember something that she said/did at the start of the night, and quote it back to her during conversation at the end of the night. It works especially well if what she said was funny...so it becomes a kind of "in-joke" just between the two of you. It not only shows you were listening to her at the time, but it shows you're still thinking about it. Even better, bring up something she said at a PREVIOUS meeting. There's nothing worse than when you talk all night to a guy on Thursday, and then he asks you all the same questions again on Saturday night.

Other hints that were on Joe's list...
* PDAs (Public Displays of Affection). Most guys seem to be completely against PDAs. (Probably because other women around him will see that he already has a girlfriend, and as such, isn't available). Women love it. (For exactly the same reasons!! LOL) PDAs serve two purposes...they show us that you are not afraid to let other women know you're "taken" AND it makes us think that we are so sexually desirable that you can't keep your hands off us, even in public. Most women are very insecure about their bodies and their attractiveness. You need to make her feel desired.
* The mind reader. Yes, yes, YES. Like I mentioned above, we like to know that you are listening to us. You do NOT have to be a mind-reader to know what a woman wants...she will TELL you! Probably repeatedly!! LOL If she hasn't already mentioned something, you will be forgiven a blunder or two. But if she has already said three times how she feels about a certain thing...God help you if you go ahead and do it anyway!

Two things I would like to add...
* Men don't necessarily fall for the heroine because of what she looks like or her social status. They fall for her because of who she is or what she has achieved. (For example, the soldier who falls in love with the scullery maid, after she devises a plan to poison the enemy king and helps them win the war). The majority of women in romance novels (not all, of course) tend to be intelligent and strong, AND they are respected for those qualities.
* Men in romance novels have both masculine and feminine qualities. The rugged pirate who fights for her honour in a bar brawl, but then holds her gently and strokes her hair as she sobs about how scared she was. The rich, handsome prince who is ruthless in battle and reigns with an iron fist, but would give it all up to spend every night cuddled up to her in front of the fireplace while their children run in circles around them. Women don't like total brutes, and they don't like wimps. They want something in-between.

Alex,

some women go to other countries to pay for sex. I've seen blond German women walking into her hotel room with a dominican man to get laid in Boca Chica. The German woman has you be the payer because how could a dominican man afford the German woman? This same German lady was at the beach the following night with a different guy as I was looking for another Dominican girl. There was also a group of women who went around looking for Dominican male prostitutes. The same way I was on the strip looking for women to have cheap sex with, these German women were looking for Dominican men.

Women pay for sex also. Women are just more secretive than men. They only discuss their conqests with their small group of female friends. They would never put up a Finding men post because of the prudish double standards of this society. Women are still shamed by sex if they are known to have had many sexual past partners. They are called "sluts". Men are glorified for having had many past partners and called "studs". I totally disagree with this hypocrisy that scares women from bringing their interest in sex in public. Women would rather be seen doing a PDA because it seems more romantic than out in Dominican Republic looking for men for sex. If American society was more lax with their sexual attitudes, there might be a "Finding men site" for women. There are male strip clubs, male escort services not just for bachelorette parties but also for rich women not to seem lonely at an event. See, Alex, women do pay for sex also. I have listed many examples of this. And women go to vacations as well to do the same things most people do on the board which is looking for paid sex. They just don't bring it out in the open like us men.

Food for thought..

Darkseid

As a follow-up on the "mind reader" theme -- I will share something that's served me in good stead for many years in buying presents for women -- when you go shopping with a woman, watch what she looks at first, not what she buys. What she looks at first is what attracts her attention or interest, before the rest of the package (price, practicality, etc.) kicks in. Figuring out the qualities that attracted her to those things and pulling them into the presents you buy is like shooting fish in the proverbial barrel -- you're bringing her something in tune with how she secretly imagines herself, as opposed to what she thinks she really should buy. I can't tell you the response I've gotten simply by going back and buying that slightly-too-pricey blouse or scarf that's completely different from what she has or whatever she looked at for quite a while before moving on.

One caveat -- this generally doesn't work with perfumes, as advertising or discusio with friends is what seems to drive the initial interest there.

The other is directly related to RN's note about repeating back something in conversation. Doing that with a present a week or month later always works -- not only were you paying attention, you had to put yourself out to get it, therefore you think she's worth both the attention and the effort and you place clear value on what she wants. And really, how tough is that stuff, especially since this kind of thing tends to resonate?

RN, I agree that women almost always tell you what they want -- even if it's not always clear even to them what that is at times :D I think if you're hitting the romance novel high notes then, as you so aptly stated, the big stuff is not important. I tend to think the big stuff is often put out on the table more to gauge the response and reaction than to actually state a position, and that the real idea is to get a discussion of the big stuff so there is a process conversation about needs, desires, and values. I find that half of the time agreeing to the big stuff is not really what's wanted, but what's wanted is the process of talking about it, sometimes even talking her out of it. (Of course, this is far from a prescription -- sometimes the big things truly are the big things.)

Of course, this is the process that drives men nuts -- women say everything that's on their minds, and men are supposed to manage to sort out the important things and not give undue weight to the rest. Conversely, anything a man says is treated as either a promise or epithet, and "you said..." can easily get thrown back in your face. (Woe to the man who does that with a woman!) And then women wonder why men are taciturn -- we love to play games, but we generally don't understand the rules for this one.

New to the American culture and have a question.
my question not on "how to win an american woman heart" but, how to end a relationship. how to make her let you go in peace.

fred flintstone>therapy could be very helpful in this regard

fred, thank you for your advice. i just returned from my therapist, and ... yes, now i see it !! - you are a man.
:)

darkseid>

yes, there are examples of women paying for sex. but not as many as men, far from this. and there is double standard for sex in society that lead to so many troubles, that i think it's problem no 1 in our world. some other guys here say - no, it's not so important - their opinion. so, if they like it - let them go on...

[QUOTE]Originally posted by American_Pharao
[i]New to the American culture and have a question.
my question not on "how to win an american woman heart" but, how to end a relationship. how to make her let you go in peace. [/i][/QUOTE]

Belching and farting a lot is a good start. DH

[i]"Belching and farting a lot is a good start. DH"[/i]

LOL! And they work even better when done in public. As does spitting on the sidewalk, going the grope on her best friend (or even worse, her sister) and wearing your jeans low enough to see the crack of your arse.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by RN
[i][i]"Belching and farting a lot is a good start. DH"[/i]

LOL! And they work even better when done in public. As does spitting on the sidewalk, going the grope on her best friend (or even worse, her sister) and wearing your jeans low enough to see the crack of your arse. [/i][/QUOTE]

And if none of THAT works, try cussing a lot more. I've gotten rid of a few that way.

Hello again folks.

I'm not as busy/travelled these days so I thought I'd stop back in.

I didn't go back and read all the past posts... there's a few too many. Glad to see the fat discussion is over.

Sorry to hear you still have no luck RN. Interesting to note that a hot chick with a brain still can't get a date (but sad for you). I wonder if it's because you live in the sticks (less potential "mates") or if you're trapped in the dateless neverland that seems common in the well to do countries. I'm curious: Do more women than men hit on you? (no reflection on yourself) I wonder if you're affected by the "She looks like too much work" syndrome. Personally, I won't hit on girls that look too good. Why? Because I know I'll constantly be on my toes fighting off other guys and trying to find ways to keep her happy. This may sound like a lack of confidence in myself, but really I don't need the aggravation. After all... love is only a lightswitch away.

Joe... your post a few back was right on the money. I have enjoyed great success when using the ideas you stated. My problem has always been in the consistency. If those are your words then you are indeed a wise man. If not... you should step away from the Cosmo mag.

On a personal note: I'm still dating the American girl from before. She's still in training when it comes to oral sex (I can't believe it's 2002 and this is still an issue), but she's become receptive to butt love... yay me!. I've been ridiculously lucky when it comes to BL... 50/50 at this point... don't know why. Lastly... it's off to Cuba in January. I fear that the embargo will end within 3 years. We all know that once the doors are opened, American missionaries will be all over the place like the plague on a rat. I want to experience Cuba before The Lord teaches them shame.

Fedup! Welcome back babe!! *kisses*

So glad to hear all is well with the girlfriend...nice to know that at least one of this sorry lot here (and sadly, I'm included in that bunch!) can still pick up! LOL

As much as I am grinning at the thought of being called a "hot chick with a brain" (thank you, THANK YOU!!!), it's not entirely true. I am your average jeans wearing, no makeup, girl-next-door. Other than my height, which I guess is a little offputting to shorter men, I am not the slightest bit intimidating. My problem seems to be that I'm TOO approachable, rather than being UNapproachable. I'm every man's best mate *groan*

Mind you...it is SOOOOO weird that you asked whether more chicks crack onto me! I had that exact conversation today at work!!! (I was propositioned by a woman this afternoon). YES, I get waaaay more chicks cracking onto me than men. And there has been a marked increase in the last 6 months or so. I have no idea why...any thoughts?

To the guy trying to dump his girl.

Do the exact opposite of what Joe said in his long post. Be inconsiderate, be late for appointments with her, scratch your crotch alot, pick your nose, scowl at children, complain about your rash "down there", etc...

Don't do the above if you're trying to put the move on a friend of hers. Then you need to be forthright and honest. Tell her that you feel there's no chemistry or magic in the relationship and you want to move on. American women are always planning for the future... it's a fatal flaw that forgives them for being constantly miserable in the present. Tell her you don't see a future with her and she will most likely back off.

Be warned that AW love to keep in touch with past boyfriends (soon to be you). The more understanding and pleasant you are during the breakup, the more likely she is to want to "keep in touch". If you never want to see/hear from her again then she needs to be disgusted with you.

Good luck...