Seeking Arrangements

[Blue Swede]

I met a girl via SA a couple of years ago, she is living in a city I visit a couple of times per year in my job.
Every time I am in town, we meet. I am 60+ and she is 31. She is slim, classy and very pretty. Sex is perfect. .
This has been ongoing for 3-4 years.

Already on the second date, I by "mistake" noticed a text message popping up on her phone while she was in the shower. A full name of the sender and a couple of hearts in the message. .
She had never told me her full name, but now it was a one minute job to find out all details via social media.
(Also found out that she had a job as a sales executive at a large company.).
She was clearly dating this 40+ guy, they also married and moved in together about two years ago.

All this time, and still (with a covid pause for the moment) she is still seeing me when I am in town.
I cannot understand why in the world she is (still) seeing me!?
She has a very handsome man, she is very pretty, she has a top job and she is problably well payed.
How do I fit in this picture, guy double her age? Help me to understand this! .

[CarloRogue]

I am a bit surprised that no one has raised this topic, but have any of you guys met married women on SA?

Yes, and they come in different flavors. The type you describe is the older woman in a sexless marriage that is otherwise committed to her marriage. Usually they do this with the husband's consent, as in your case. I have also come across one that admitted she was doing it behind her husband's back, and that I would be her first affair. She had young kids, and I couldn't get past the idea of being a homewrecker, so I passed.

The second type is the swinger hotwife, usually a bit older like the first category, in a very open relationship and looking to post numbers so to speak (usually, although they won't come out and admit that). I've dabbled in the swinger scene for several years and have occasionally run across an SA profile of someone I had previously met at a swing event. Sometimes they're looking for a threesome with hubby, sometimes a partner to take to events and parties. I've always passed on these, since it's not the dynamic I come to SA for, and I can always have them via other means.

The last category is a relatively new phenomenon, which is the married girl (like early 20's) in an open relationship. It seems that many in the younger generation don't put the same traditional value into marriage that our generation does (or did). Perhaps they're trying to satisfy their parents by getting married, but they haven't lived out their single life yet, so they have an open marriage. I'm not sure, but it is a generational difference. I've had short term relationships with a couple of these. I say short term because they were really into it, but then suddenly ghosted me. I take it that their emotional needs are satisfied elsewhere, so it's harder to build any kind of friendship-like connection with them. But, these are really fun, I must confess. I had one young Asian mother a couple years ago, who was still lactating from giving birth just a few months prior. Just a crazy experience (got to check breastfeeding off the bucket list).

[Bdb013]

I am headed to CDMX in a couple weeks. I have started scouting on SA. Any good leads anyone might share?

[Steve 9696]

I am a bit surprised that no one has raised this topic, but have any of you guys met married women on SA?

I met one married person on SA while I was in a small city in the states. She was totally into me based on my pic and profile, but I eventually decided to bail on her because I thought it would be too weird to be with a married chick, and I was also worried that her husband would find out and kill me.

However, I later had a great fling with a woman in San Francisco that I met on SA, and eventually she told me that she was married, but she was in a sexless marriage and that she desperately needed to have NSA sex. She said she tried different websites, but eventually decided that the most successful and the most alpha males were on SA. When it came to payment, she never cared about it too much, and just viewed any gift or cash as a nice bonus, but she didn't need the money. I have to say, the sex was incredible. She really was starving for sex. After that, I started to cruise SA to see if I could find other married women, and I did. I found two others that I hit it off with, and we tried to meet up, but both of them were so busy with their family lives, and so I never ended up meeting either of them.

The other weird thing is that every single one of these married women said that their husbands were okay with them having sex outside of their marriage.

Any of you guys have any experience with married women on SA?

BTW, I bring this up because my SB #2 is a married woman. She's been married for over 20 years. She said that the last time she had sex was over 6 years ago, when she had a previous affair. She too is sex starved. If I wanted to have sex with her for the entire day, she would be totally down for it. There were times when we were at it for several hours, and I wanted to stop or rest, but she would then climb on top of me and she would do all the work. She never wants to stop. I always have to tell her that I have to go to work, just so we can stop having sex. Recently, she told me that we could meet at her home, while her husband was away at work. Man, this sounds like something out of the 1980's. Do people still do this?

Well I think what you found in the married nympho is unusual, but yeh I've come across married women and yes the desire can be passionate. Early in my new city had a lunch date with a girl was married (26). Didn't work out. Turns out she had a six month old baby and suffering post partum depression so that was weird.

Turns out Sarah is married still! She told me she was divorced but later confessed she was still married and just filed. She was the most passionate sex I ever had. I say "was" because I just got the Dear John that she doesn't want to have sex anymore. I think I might have misplayed this a bit because we stopped doing the date part and just straight to hotel. I think her mind started to figure out she was selling sex and it rebelled given her upbringing. I suppose a lot of these girls where it’s their first time can be shortlived anyhow. Think we met five times and it was BBFS mostly so that’s pretty good.

Also my recent fail but get a BJ date was also married. She's only 21 now and got married young. She didn't tell me at first but confessed she is still technically married on date 2.

So both of those are not quite married and cheating. More technically married. But yeah I am surprised there are gals out there who "need it" when lots of us have gals at home that don't want it. LOL.

[Midwestern]

I am a bit surprised that no one has raised this topic, but have any of you guys met married women on SA?

I met one married person on SA while I was in a small city in the states. She was totally into me based on my pic and profile, but I eventually decided to bail on her because I thought it would be too weird to be with a married chick, and I was also worried that her husband would find out and kill me.

However, I later had a great fling with a woman in San Francisco that I met on SA, and eventually she told me that she was married, but she was in a sexless marriage and that she desperately needed to have NSA sex. She said she tried different websites, but eventually decided that the most successful and the most alpha males were on SA. When it came to payment, she never cared about it too much, and just viewed any gift or cash as a nice bonus, but she didn't need the money. I have to say, the sex was incredible. She really was starving for sex. After that, I started to cruise SA to see if I could find other married women, and I did. I found two others that I hit it off with, and we tried to meet up, but both of them were so busy with their family lives, and so I never ended up meeting either of them.

The other weird thing is that every single one of these married women said that their husbands were okay with them having sex outside of their marriage.

Any of you guys have any experience with married women on SA?

BTW, I bring this up because my SB #2 is a married woman. She's been married for over 20 years. She said that the last time she had sex was over 6 years ago, when she had a previous affair. She too is sex starved. If I wanted to have sex with her for the entire day, she would be totally down for it. There were times when we were at it for several hours, and I wanted to stop or rest, but she would then climb on top of me and she would do all the work. She never wants to stop. I always have to tell her that I have to go to work, just so we can stop having sex. Recently, she told me that we could meet at her home, while her husband was away at work. Man, this sounds like something out of the 1980's. Do people still do this?

[Midwestern]

This is one reason I avoid extended text messaging, and get right to the meet & greet as soon as possible. It's the only way to gauge chemistry, and that's essential to me as well,.

For a moment there, I thought I wrote this post. I totally agree with this.

[DramaFree11]

This is one reason I avoid extended text messaging, and get right to the meet & greet as soon as possible. It's the only way to gauge chemistry, and that's essential to me as well, if you're into real sugar dating. A bit of flirtatious text banter ahead of the meet can help set the right mood for the date (as long as you can do it without sounding like a creep), but real girls want to meet, and there's simply no substitute for the short range exchange of pheromones. Incidentally, the hotter the girl, the quickest your close to in-person date needs to be, from my experience -they're just in too much demand for prolonged courtship, no matter how special you think you are. Where I differ is, if the connection isn't there, and sometimes it just isn't, I don't push it. I prefer things to develop organically. But otherwise, I agree that missed connections are best ended with a polite smile and a genuine thank you. Karma will reward you eventually.

Yep, I do the same. Since I am primarily dealing with girls in MTY, I convert them to WhatsApp as soon as possible. The girls that are actually interested with switch, the others have many excuse why they will not, those are usually scammers, 85%. Everyone is on WhatsApp in Mexico now.

[CarloRogue]

A few takeaways:

1. Awesome text vibe does not always lead to awesome in person vibe. Tho I still think its a leading indicator.
2. If u think the chemistry is off it probably is. But that doesnt mean I wont get off. Mixed results here recall I bedded Jesse right after she said I cant have sex with a guy I just met and it was passionate. And I managed to eek out a BJ here but mechanical.
3. Sex without passion just aint that great (for me)
4. When something feels off just say It. U can work thru it.
5. A fail doesnt have to be nasty. It can be a friendly fail.

This is one reason I avoid extended text messaging, and get right to the meet & greet as soon as possible. It's the only way to gauge chemistry, and that's essential to me as well, if you're into real sugar dating. A bit of flirtatious text banter ahead of the meet can help set the right mood for the date (as long as you can do it without sounding like a creep), but real girls want to meet, and there's simply no substitute for the short range exchange of pheromones. Incidentally, the hotter the girl, the quickest your close to in-person date needs to be, from my experience -they're just in too much demand for prolonged courtship, no matter how special you think you are. Where I differ is, if the connection isn't there, and sometimes it just isn't, I don't push it. I prefer things to develop organically. But otherwise, I agree that missed connections are best ended with a polite smile and a genuine thank you. Karma will reward you eventually.

[Luminous]

Folks. Thanks for all your insights. This is what makes this forum awesome, learn from collective wisdom of each other.

The whole idea of the pay for play scheme is to have as close to a sure thing as possible. If you are back to a traditional dating scheme where you only get sex if she deems you are worthy, you might as well go back to ordinary dating. These gals get hundreds of hits, and there are enough fools to pay in the hopes of success that your chance of success is 1%. As it stands, you are going to have to throw a bit of money out there just to play. No reason or logic in paying for the hopes of getting something. Steve is exactly right. Move on.

[Steve 9696]

Lest you think all my SA dates are fruitful let me share the most interesting fail that happened recently. The moral of the story is if you feel like the chemistry is off a bit youre right. It's just not there and forcing it doesn't help.

So recall I had the closed mouth kiss with Arianna to end the night. But by text she assures me she's a passionate girl just shy at first. We agree to meetup again and I use the same line I used with Sarah "expand on that kiss" and she seems down to do so.

We meet at a little dive bar and have some snacks and drinks. Her drink is not very good and she's not drinking much but I am throwing them back. She's again awkward and shy and I am pretty sure this is going nowhere. Again in direct mode I say "I find you confusing. Your a really nice girl but I'm afraid we have no chemistry. We could do one of two things. Go to your car and make out and see or go to a hotel and make out and see. " She says she's on her period. I say that's ok we can figure fun without that. She says ok let's go to the hotel. I was really surprised.

So I book a last minute booking and we are in the room 10 minutes later. She's got a headache and doesn't want to drink (so her shields remain high). I'll spare the gory details but the kissing is pretty lame but I keep working some game. Eventually it's clear I am down for a BJ but she literally says "I don't give blowjobs". And I tell her that's super odd because I've never been with a girl that didn't. Again Long story short she eventually blows me and it's a very good BBBJ. But like totally without life or passion or chemistry. I bless her with a hot load in her mouth regardless because her technique is excellent. But it's just weird. Like being blown by your sister as a favor or something.

I did CashApp her some $$ which seems only fair but Next day we agree the chemistry is not there and move on. But frankly on very good terms. Like we gave it a go and good luck finding ur thing.

Oh well can't win them all. A few takeaways:

1. Awesome text vibe does not always lead to awesome in person vibe. Tho I still think its a leading indicator.
2. If u think the chemistry is off it probably is. But that doesnt mean I wont get off. Mixed results here recall I bedded Jesse right after she said I cant have sex with a guy I just met and it was passionate. And I managed to eek out a BJ here but mechanical.
3. Sex without passion just aint that great (for me)
4. When something feels off just say It. U can work thru it.
5. A fail doesnt have to be nasty. It can be a friendly fail.

[Akibono]

Folks -- Need your opinion. Here is the message I received from a chick on SA.

"I don't have sex for money to meet up have coffee you can help me with my bills and we can see where it goes".

What do you think? Should I invest anything with the hope it may lead to something in the future?

My gut is to pass as it likely is just a carrot being dangled with no intention of sex in the future but wanted to get thoughts of the experienced members on this board.

The whole idea of the pay for play scheme is to have as close to a sure thing as possible. If you are back to a traditional dating scheme where you only get sex if she deems you are worthy, you might as well go back to ordinary dating. These gals get hundreds of hits, and there are enough fools to pay in the hopes of success that your chance of success is 1%. As it stands, you are going to have to throw a bit of money out there just to play. No reason or logic in paying for the hopes of getting something. Steve is exactly right. Move on.

[DramaFree11]

Steve is, as is usual, totally right.

I personally have not jumped in the SA game yet (waiting to be vaccinated), but I do lurk on SA to see what is out there and fantasize about how I'll play that game. And I'll say I'm actually impressed with how transparent many women are. Many are totally open saying that they are looking for online only relationships, or in person but no sex, or even "no guarantees but let's see where this goes" (IE "I'm maintaining the power in this relationship." To me, that would be a hard and immediate pass, absolutely no interest in engaging, but I do respect how they set their boundaries up front so you can not waste your time.

On-line is totally a no go. Big waste of time. They are also going to ask for an allowance, Hell no, get a Life Coach cheaper.

[AmericanPi]

Well the short answer is run away. She's saying she wants something for nothing. Nope.

Longer answer is why did she even ask this? What did U say that make her think you are offering money for sex because this should never happen. The discussion should never get this explicit. Also is this discussion on SA or have you gone to text? I don't think I've ever had a discussion about a meetup right on SA. We always chat enough and get comfortable and go offline.

Easy thing is just ghost her. I guarantee she is not worth your time with that kind of dialog.

Steve is, as is usual, totally right.

I personally have not jumped in the SA game yet (waiting to be vaccinated), but I do lurk on SA to see what is out there and fantasize about how I'll play that game. And I'll say I'm actually impressed with how transparent many women are. Many are totally open saying that they are looking for online only relationships, or in person but no sex, or even "no guarantees but let's see where this goes" (IE "I'm maintaining the power in this relationship." To me, that would be a hard and immediate pass, absolutely no interest in engaging, but I do respect how they set their boundaries up front so you can not waste your time.

[Elvis 2008]

"I don't have sex for money to meet up have coffee you can help me with my bills and we can see where it goes".

What do you think? Should I invest anything with the hope it may lead to something in the future?

My gut is to pass as it likely is just a carrot being dangled with no intention of sex in the future but wanted to get thoughts of the experienced members on this board.

Your gut is right. Anytime you sense that she is a scam artist she probably is.

[DramaFree11]

Steve9696 hit the nail on the head. She is asking for compensation for coffee. This is a huge red flag in my book. My general rule is not to hand over any cash until after we have sealed our arrangement. It's the fairest way.

Cut bait and pull up some other fish.

Run. I had an issue with this over the weekend. We agreed if there was connection, we would start an arrangement after we had drinks. She was nice, but did not dress up for the meeting and I was just not that attracted to her physically. I agreed to meet a second time, I offered to pay for her Uber. She declined then asked for money, I walked off. She later begged for Uber fair.