General Info

[Bearsi]

Bearsi you're a smart man. You know as well as I do that it isn't only that money is the root of all evil. Drill down just a little bit farther and one must realize it's really debt that's the evil. One needs to know how to save and invest while smartly controlling spending and managing debt. That's how one can really get ahead financially. As a monger my mantra has always been from the very beginning to make sure that my bills are paid and my investments made before I get laid! That will allow for a comfortable retirement where I can continue to get laid and do all of the other things that I would like to do as well.

Yes.

America is a consumer **** that can't help but medicate itself with goods and drowns itself in debt.

It is really shocking how alot of people don't know what APR or a variable APR is. They sign whatever they need to, to get their high on the next big thing.

"my bills are paid and my investments made before I get laid!

-The Cane.

Now this is a quote worthy of bartlett's.

Words I live by as well.

[Nounce]

I would concentrate more on the person's ability to invest / save / budget than how much they make ...

I think in the context of divorce. The income will be more important than how much she spends or saves. As long as she does not go into debt, the higher income she has, the less burden you will have and less likely she will go after you and you probably can go after her.

This is how you can walk away quickly like you mentioned in your original post. Issues related to law can't be delayed. When you are equal, you have more time to work it out. When you are not equal, you have to shut it down as soon as you can because time is another factor during divorce. You hear men talking about not getting divorce due to kids. But when you look at the age of the kids and maybe the non-working spouse, you know the man don't really feel he can afford to get a divorce because he has been married too long.

If you are sure she is the one, than you can take more risk to marry someone who makes 1/3 of your income, and what you said makes perfect sense but that is not how the law works when it comes to divorce.

[Xpartan]

The one thing I would ask is how much debt she has. Some people are shocked to find out their spouse has hundred of thousands of dollars in debt and now it's both your debt. I understand a business loan or maybe a student loan with a good working degree but maxed out credit cards and / or payday loans and BS like that I would turn away from. If they happen to die, that student loan debt is like a cancer and attaches to the next of kin and now I'm stuck. I've worked too hard and good to keep a good record and no debt to let that happen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=931l...el=CalebHammer

While I totally agree in general on your thoughts about debts and their toxic consequences, let's not jump to crazy conclusions. In the USA debt is generally not inherited. Unless you cosign someone else's debt, then the creditors might go after you. Otherwise, the debt will normally be discharged with a death certificate.

Full disclosure: Am I a lawyer? No.

[The Cane]

I would concentrate more on the person's ability to invest / save / budget than how much they make because a person last year can make $20 K and then the very next year make a product (like the pet rock) and just skyrocket their bank account to 1 MM (that's 1 million for the non financial guys) a month with their product. Everyone's growth potential in the US is pretty much unlimited and untapped. But if they have a shit behavior on how they spend their money then that's never going to change. A person who makes 50 K USD and spends 35 K USD is going to be the same when they make 5 MM and spend 4 MM. I've seen in my experience, making more money to alot of people just means to them that they can spend more money or take higher loans because "it's only 6 K a month and I make 10 k" you can carve up a great situation for yourself but if the other person just doesn't know how to leverage, borrow, pay and save their money it's all down hill. A millionaire who makes 2 million but has 3 million dollars in stupid debt is not rich. They are in fact poorer than the homeless person on the street. It's all in the mentality, most generational wealth seems to fall apart after the 3rd since they are so detached from the struggles and smart moves of the 1st generation.

a great article i read on how some people making 5 million still feel poor.
https://nypost.com/2023/08/14/some-of-the-richest-people-in-america-feel-very-poor-survey/

Bearsi you're a smart man. You know as well as I do that it isn't only that money is the root of all evil. Drill down just a little bit farther and one must realize it's really debt that's the evil. One needs to know how to save and invest while smartly controlling spending and managing debt. That's how one can really get ahead financially. As a monger my mantra has always been from the very beginning to make sure that my bills are paid and my investments made before I get laid! That will allow for a comfortable retirement where I can continue to get laid and do all of the other things that I would like to do as well.

[Bearsi]

I don't know all the detail but I know the basic principle about how these things work so I google to confirm. Both should not be a problem but don't take my words for it and you have to check the detail. The strange thing about the law is that it assumes everyone knows the details when in reality most people don't, myself included

That is why I brought up a lawyer in my original post because she knows the details. She enjoys luxurious things so she studied hard and works hard to get what she wants herself. She had a boyfriend from college for about 10 years. She broke up with him because she was tired of waiting for marriage. She is dating a medical surgent now. Her brother also has a girlfriend from school. The girlfriend is an engineer in a high paying large tech company, and makes more money then her brother who is in the same profession. With dual income like theirs, they can buy a million dollar house without much difficulty. It can turn into an investment that the house may be worth 2 millions by the time they divorce so dual incomes is a good idea and it's a must for most people who is afraid of financial lost. I am not saying it is easy as meeting the equal counterpart is not that easy, but one can't look for them in hooker or just random people. At my work, I can easily find man like me but zero woman that can match or close to my pay grade.

I would concentrate more on the person's ability to invest / save / budget than how much they make because a person last year can make $20 K and then the very next year make a product (like the pet rock) and just skyrocket their bank account to 1 MM (that's 1 million for the non financial guys) a month with their product. Everyone's growth potential in the US is pretty much unlimited and untapped. But if they have a shit behavior on how they spend their money then that's never going to change. A person who makes 50 K USD and spends 35 K USD is going to be the same when they make 5 MM and spend 4 MM. I've seen in my experience, making more money to alot of people just means to them that they can spend more money or take higher loans because "it's only 6 K a month and I make 10 k" you can carve up a great situation for yourself but if the other person just doesn't know how to leverage, borrow, pay and save their money it's all down hill. A millionaire who makes 2 million but has 3 million dollars in stupid debt is not rich. They are in fact poorer than the homeless person on the street. It's all in the mentality, most generational wealth seems to fall apart after the 3rd since they are so detached from the struggles and smart moves of the 1st generation.

A great article I read on how some people making 5 million still feel poor.
https://nypost.com/2023/08/14/some-of-the-richest-people-in-america-feel-very-poor-survey/

[Bearsi]

Patrice o Neal sums up in this clip why it's so hard to quit mongering when you're older:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yUYYX1...BvIG5lYWwgc2V4

Every man's got a choice to make.

If I'm hungry is new pussy going to feed me? NEW PUSSY CAN'T COOK!

There's no wrong or right answer either way but I'm definitely not going to be that 80 year old man in scandallo that was coughing up a lung or two last time I went.

To each their own anal tho.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qp39zD6_cLU

[Nounce]

...The one thing I would ask is how much debt she has. Some people are shocked to find out their spouse has hundred of thousands of dollars in debt and now it's both your debt. I understand a business loan or maybe a student loan with a good working degree but maxed out credit cards and / or payday loans and BS like that I would turn away from. If they happen to die, that student loan debt is like a cancer and attaches to the next of kin and now I'm stuck. I've worked too hard and good to keep a good record and no debt to let that happen....

.... I may also inherit a sizable amount. I'd love to have a couple kids, but overall I'm happy with my life and the freedom I have. ....

I don't know all the detail but I know the basic principle about how these things work so I google to confirm. Both should not be a problem but don't take my words for it and you have to check the detail. The strange thing about the law is that it assumes everyone knows the details when in reality most people don't, myself included

That is why I brought up a lawyer in my original post because she knows the details. She enjoys luxurious things so she studied hard and works hard to get what she wants herself. She had a boyfriend from college for about 10 years. She broke up with him because she was tired of waiting for marriage. She is dating a medical surgent now. Her brother also has a girlfriend from school. The girlfriend is an engineer in a high paying large tech company, and makes more money then her brother who is in the same profession. With dual income like theirs, they can buy a million dollar house without much difficulty. It can turn into an investment that the house may be worth 2 millions by the time they divorce so dual incomes is a good idea and it's a must for most people who is afraid of financial lost. I am not saying it is easy as meeting the equal counterpart is not that easy, but one can't look for them in hooker or just random people. At my work, I can easily find man like me but zero woman that can match or close to my pay grade.

[Chicago85]

Leave it to Beaver was not real! Seems you are looking to create nostalgia for yourself. First thing to know is that your dream is not necessarily that of others. You can have all the good intentions in the world, but your situation can turn out shitty. You never know unless you try, but is trying worth the risk?........

I agree with the others that said to post this on the 'Best of' or 'Reports of Distinction' board. I met you in person, or at least I think I did, back in the 2010 ish timeframe in Santo Domingo, DR. We only had a couple beers, but I could tell that you had were quite thoughtful and had wisdom.

It's not the post optimistic way to look at life, but the older, more financially secure, and more set in my ways that I get, the more that I realize marriage is a heck of a gamble. I've worked hard and built up comfortable assets. I may also inherit a sizable amount. I'd love to have a couple kids, but overall I'm happy with my life and the freedom I have. I'd hate to be in a position where I have so much of that taken by someone via marriage that I've known for less than 5 years. I'd even be more disappointed if I had a child with the 'wrong' woman, because then I'd be impacting more lives than my own.... and young ones at that.

[Bearsi]

Obviously you can't just walk away from a marriage or your kids but you can prepare for the consequence, good or bad. I know a group of people around your age in the area I live. They are all financially stable. One of them is a lawyer. She gave advice to her friends how to make finance separate in a relationship. Basically, their finances are independent in the eyes of the law before marriage, and will be independent during marriage. It's easier when the couple in the marriage are both financially independent and both agree to it before even the relationship started. It makes money less a problem during divorce.

Some women are affected by hormone level change more than some others. Having a child probably will affect them a lot more. If their hormone level does not go back to normal, then the woman probably will be different.

Yup.

Legally speaking, depending on local laws, when the money is in different accounts like you stated than the woman or man can't touch it since it's not shared in a joint account. It's not easy or simple of course to shield yourself but like you said you can help which I definitely preach.

Famously there was a recent case where a football player wife divorced her husband and when she tried to get her half of his wealth, she found out legally he owned nothing as he had everything under his mother's name and so she went home with nothing. If you have a good relationship with your folks or even friends it can be a good idea to try but risky too.

https://www.indiatimes.com/trending/...ng-599445.html

The one thing I would ask is how much debt she has. Some people are shocked to find out their spouse has hundred of thousands of dollars in debt and now it's both your debt. I understand a business loan or maybe a student loan with a good working degree but maxed out credit cards and / or payday loans and BS like that I would turn away from. If they happen to die, that student loan debt is like a cancer and attaches to the next of kin and now I'm stuck. I've worked too hard and good to keep a good record and no debt to let that happen.

I've been recently following this youtube channel where real people talk about their real finances and most of them are just bad. One of the one's I linked, the wife had a GI Bill pay her college and yet she managed to still pay 52 k in student loans AFTER the GI BILL. She refuses to cook, get a part time job and gets fast food almost 3 times a day.

That makes no sense and that marriage is doomed. A clear red flag.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=931l...el=CalebHammer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84eA...el=CalebHammer

And yes the hormones are unpredictable. A miscarriage can rock the boat as well. Postpartum depression is very real. Lots of things to learn about and I thank god I am not a woman and have to deal with all this BS.

[Nounce]

...
I have that Robert de Niro HEAT mentality "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner. ".

Obviously you can't just walk away from a marriage or your kids but you can prepare for the consequence, good or bad. I know a group of people around your age in the area I live. They are all financially stable. One of them is a lawyer. She gave advice to her friends how to make finance separate in a relationship. Basically, their finances are independent in the eyes of the law before marriage, and will be independent during marriage. It's easier when the couple in the marriage are both financially independent and both agree to it before even the relationship started. It makes money less a problem during divorce.

Some women are affected by hormone level change more than some others. Having a child probably will affect them a lot more. If their hormone level does not go back to normal, then the woman probably will be different.

[TjBrazil]

Patrice o Neal sums up in this clip why it's so hard to quit mongering when you're older:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yUYYX1...BvIG5lYWwgc2V4

[Bearsi]

Good luck stopping mongering later in life. 6 years is a long time already, so you're now a lifer. It's like the 19 year old I met at Helpe that told me she wasn't going to be a hooker for a long time. She needed to buy some things. When I met her she was a 10 body 8 face. Cost me 200 reals each year I would see her, until she gained a ton of weight and I was done. She never quit like she thought. Haven't seen her since 2006, but I imagine she is still a hooker but now pushing 40. She got addicted to the easy money, and you will get addicted to the easy sex.

I will admit it is nice to have some easy sex every now and then but it isn't the only pleasure in life I get. I have really no vices than drinking a cold Mexican bottle of coke with real sugar cane and a nice 8-10 hours of sleep when I can get it. I don't smoke, drink or gamble and I've tried it and it does nothing for me.

I have a good job that I do interesting projects and interests that keep me stimulated.

I'm going to SP and RJ in OCT and I'm not as hyped as I used to be. I'm sure I will have a nice time as I have some girls lined up but I'm not counting the days because I have other things going on in my life that have me excited as well.

I have that Robert de Niro HEAT mentality "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner. ".

[Mr Enternational]

But one of the most important thing he said was "If you can't talk about hard things you have no business getting married".

That is why when I am talking to a new chick and she does not want to talk about her last relationship then I just move on. Big problem with women is they do not want to discuss something that went wrong before in hopes of preventing the same mistakes. Their idea is to forget everything and start over eventually repeating the same shit. Bich you have one life that is continuous. You don't get to start over with a fresh one and act like something before did not happen. Delusional.

[Bearsi]

Leave it to Beaver was not real! Seems you are looking to create nostalgia for yourself. First thing to know is that your dream is not necessarily that of others. You can have all the good intentions in the world, but your situation can turn out shitty. You never know unless you try, but is trying worth the risk?

You want all this shit until somebody decides to leave you and take half. You can not control their mind. You are going back and forth with mongering getting stale, then you admit that even rich people are not satisfied with going back and forth to the Maldives. Then you say when you have a partner. Well you do not think the rich people are going back and forth to the Maldives with a partner? I have been there and it is no place to go alone. Imagine how stale it would get coming home to the same person everyday and having to hear them bich about something. Imagine if your kid turns out to be the same as Joe Biden's kid? You can raise a kid up the way you think they should go, but they still will have their own mind and desires and your nostalgia will not play a part in it.

My main girlfriend is Brazilian. We take nice trips together. Last February we were in Tahiti and she got drunk as a skunk at a restaurant and she said something that I got on video but did not let her see. She was complaining that I only wanted her to travel with. Well first of all why would I need to spend extra money so you could go somewhere? I could go alone or with someone else. Even if that was the case, why the fuck would you complain about seeing and doing shit in life that you never even imagined? Being a man, I would just ride the shit out hoping it did not end. But not women. If you are waiting for them to appreciate little things then you will be waiting a mighty long time.

I would like to start with saying I made it clear that the Original Question that was posed was "What do you guys think is the appropriate age to retire from the hobby?" and my response was for me personally it is in my 30's but I also said it's not realistic for most guys here on the site who I would say the average age is 45+.

That being said I don't disagree with your thoughts and life experiences.

In fact I take most of my life experience from the other side. Von Bismarck famously said 'Only a fool learns from his own mistakes. The wise man learns from the mistakes of others. '.

I highly advise anyone to view the video I posted along my original post where a divorce lawyer talks about his thoughts on marriage and his many clients and their failed marriages.

He has alot of good insights from seeing what doesn't work.

"I don't think I can learn eveything I need to know about myself from myself. ".

'Being married is great sometimes. But the hard part is being married ALL the time. '.

"I don't envy people being married for a long time because that's not the goal. The goal is to be HAPPILY married. ".

"Marriage is an inherently negligent activity. It's like owning a lion. ".

But one of the most important thing he said was "If you can't talk about hard things you have no business getting married".

I intend on getting a prenup before getting married. I could meet a girl who meets all the checkmarks that I want but if she gets offended, angry or avoids serious discussion that's not a serious person who I want to get into a lifelong commitment with. I know that can be contested in court and the like with lawyers but the more prep work you do to ensure you don't get fucked over, the more you're ready when the shit hits the fan. Even the divorce lawyer says that you need to learn everything you can about the laws of marriage where you live because marriage is the only contract most people go into without doing any research. Money to me is definitely the killer of all marriages and mental stability. I've never been in debt, have my own business, good credit scores, racked up every single credit card benefits / points and NEVER gave a dime back in interest or late fees to those greedy cock suckers and I have 11 credit cards. I need that in my partner as well.

My goal, which every person should have, is to find a partner who is my best friend. I have a best friend who I met 2 decades ago and I would do anything for him. He's my brother and he's always got my back and so I always got him. I would never fuck him but there is a bond between us that surpasses some peoples relationship / marriage because there is a level of trust, respect and happiness for one and another that we have that is mutual and celebrated. I would garner that alot of guy's here have that same friendship and even hobby with those friends on some epic travels.

I want that in my partner where it goes beyond sex and is just like a good healthy bestfriend situation. Where I want to ***** and talk shit with her like I would with my best friend. I would like the sex to be good too but I know that pussy aint going to be hot when we're 60 or whatever so there's a need for relationship that's beyond sex and again is more like a best friend.

With that being said I know things don't always go the way you want it to. As you alluded, she could change over time or our kids turn out to be brats or she becomes a he or she kills me in my sleep and then registers me as a democrat (LOL).

There is a lot of "what if's" but I can't let fear dictate my life. There is no reward if you don't risk anything. You can't make a million dollars if you aren't ready to risk 100,000. Michael Jordan had 2 3 peats but he also didn't get to the finals when he returned and played for the wizards. You're not going to win all the time and at everything. Your going to lose sometimes. Everything in life is a gamble. I remember when I first went to Brazil, everyone told me I was crazy and I would get robbed and get covid and whatever and I had the best time of my life and even made a good amount of great friends.

It's a long response but I just wanted to make it clear that I'm not saying everyone should do what I want to do. That I know the pitfalls as well and weighted all the options and did the math.

The way the world is going, we need more family units. We need more male / father role models. We don't need more single mothers and kids growing up with fucked up morals and no guidance that leads to the destruction of a good society. It's clear when seeing the data whether you are in Brazil or the USA. Having that strong support is crucial. The kid still could grow up fucked up like hunter biden, true, but then again it does not hurt to try. I don't want to sit back and complain about a problem without trying to do something about it. That leads nowhere. And I've always wanted to be a father so that's just me.

QUCK RESPONSES.

As for a kid with birth defects, I would abort. And that's why I would need a partner that can talk about hard issues like that and understand what that means. Of course, some defects can come afterwards but everything is a risk.

I'm Hispanics. I speak 3 languages and yes I do speak Portuguese. Brazilians are not hispanics but they are latinos. I am also latino by definition. They are just different enough where its fun to see the differences between the cultures. Like an american guy marrying a british bird (bird is slang for young woman) eastern europeans are interesting and it's a little known fact but alot of eastern european women speak some spanish as they are very interested in spanish culture and watch the famous telenovelas (spanish soap operas) and I met many of them in my travels but again it's just a fun idea. I would not really consider an asian woman as we are just culturally too different but who knows.

American girls are also not all bad. There are many great women in this country too. There are tons of girls who live in big cities or Idaho / West Virginia Appalachian that appreciate a good man and a normal lifestyle and the value of the dollar. I work in the wedding industry so I've been to more weddings than most people and lots of the couples I keep in touch and still going strong.

Is it easy. No. Is it hard. Yes. Is it impossible. No.

Not every girl is a clueless, emotionally unstable, gold digging, heartless working girl and not every guy is a sleazy, creepy, toxic, wife beater, playboy. There is more than the madonna / working girl complex. We're complicated animals.

Marcus aurelias is one of my stoic role models but he raised a piece of shit son.

The first thing you should learn in this life is that it's not fair, life's a ***** and then you die.

[Questner]

Note: first 30 are above the average in the country.

Lista das 50 cidades mais violentas do Brasil (população acima de 100 mil habitantes).

Município. Taxa de Mortes Violentas Intencionais (2022).

Jequié (BA) - 88,8.

Santo Antônio de Jesus (BA) - 88,3.

Simões Filho (BA) - 87,4.

Camaçari (BA) - 82,1.

Cabo de Santo Agostinho (PE) - 81,2.

Sorriso (MT) - 70,5.

Altamira (PA) - 70,5.

Macapá (AP) - 70,0.

Feira de Santana (BA) - 68,5.

Juazeiro (BA) - 68,3.

Teixeira de Freitas (BA) - 66,8.

Salvador (BA) - 66,0.

Mossoró (RN) - 63,5.

Ilhéus (BA) - 62,1.

Itaituba (PA) - 61,6.

Itaguaí (RJ) - 61,6.

Queimados (RJ) - 61,2.

Luís Eduardo Magalhães (BA) - 56,5.

Eunápolis (BA) - 56,3.

Santa Rita (PB) - 56,0.

Maracanaú (CE) - 55,9.

Angra dos Reis (RJ) - 55,5.

Manaus (AM) - 53,4.

Rio Grande (RS) - 53,2.

Alagoinhas (BA) - 53,0.

Marabá (PA) - 51,8.

Vitória de Santo Antão (PE) - 51,5.

Itabaiana (SE) - 51,2.

Caucaia (CE) - 51,2.

São Lourenço the Mata (PE) - 50,3.

Santana (AP) - 49,4.

Paragominas (PA) - 49,3.

Patos (PB) - 47,5.

Paranaguá (PR) - 47,3.

Parauapebas (PA) - 46,9.

Macaé (RJ) - 46,7.

Caxias (MA) - 46,5.

Parnaíba (PI) - 46,3.

Garanhuns (PE) - 44,9.

São Gonçalo do Amarante (RN) - 44,9.

Alvorada (RS) - 44,8.

Jaboatão dos Guararapes (PE) - 44,6.

Duque de Caxias (RJ) - 44,3.

Almirante Tamandaré (PR) - 44,2.

Castanhal (PA) - 44,2.

Campo Largo (PR) - 43,3.

Porto Velho (RO) - 42,1.

Ji-Paraná (RO) - 41,8.

Belford Roxo (RJ) - 41,8.

Marituba (PA) - 41,6.

Fonte: Anuário do Fórum Brasileiro de Segurança Pública.

Ao todo, o Brasil registrou queda de 2,4% nas mortes violentas intencionais de 2022 para 2021: de 48,4 mil para 47,5 mil (veja o histórico por estado na arte abaixo).