Chasing Russian dyevs abroad: Choosing a hotel
When choosing a hotel, go to tophotel.ru and check how many reviews there are for any given hotel in a particular city, which compared to hotel size tells you how many Russians go there. Then check which ones of these are party places, and try to get an all-inclusive package holiday there with a Western agency.
If the hotel is full of Russians your chances are excellent: a) less competition from foreigners, b) hot dyevs everywhere you look, c) the dyevs get drunk from the early afternoon as it's all inclusive and d) there is very little competition from Russian men, as they either arrive with their girlfriends or else get drunk as skunks day and night, again because of the all-inclusive concept. ;)
The Real McCoy, Freebees and Ho-bees
So,
A couple of friends of mine, for purposes we shall call Mr. Pink and Mr. Green, started our night at the Real McCoy, (Is there a fake McCoy somewhere else? ) Pink has been, over a year ago, and Green is. Green.
So we are barely in the door when some pug-troll tries to give us a stand up BJ, I'm ignoring her, but its obvious that this place is where the freebies are, provided you've have your beer goggles on.
I used to be a pretty nice guy back in Oz, but have had to learn the Russian way over the last couple of years, which involves up front, abusive, sexual assault, style approaches. Tone it down a notch with Oz style humour, and it works a treat.
So, a couple of 5's and 6's start past us. Making the vulture rounds, I grab each ass in turn, just a gentle squeeze, no response. Then they pass again, squeeze again, no response again. Cool. Girls are on the bar, on the tables, one girl, a little plump, but toned plump, is pulling her top down for me to see her nipples, and pinches herself to make sure I have her attention. WTF!
Anyway, green is back from a week long appointment with the porcelain god, so he's being tame, but he wants revenge cause pink did his ho a few days back while green was laid up in bed (she was nice looking, a great conversationalist and funny, I can see why they both like her), so he starts giving us Long Island Ice Teas. Half litre varieties. And boy did they go down too well. 3 LIIT's later and Pink and I have the attention of the hotties (7's at best) and those two that I grabbed before, they were in our proverbial laps, Pinks dancing up a tea-cup storm, and really getting it on with both girls, sisters, and I'm getting some attention from a blond bombshell (post explosion).
Then it starts to get ugly. 4th LIIT down, the black dressed sister starts getting snooty with Pink, spills her drink on him, and then WHACK! , a full bitchslap! , pinks mentally floored, standing there dumbfounded, and ready for another before my hand grabs hers from the air, now. Aussie girls get into fights as often as Aussie guys, my sisters especially, so I have no qualms whacking a girl, thankfully never had to do it. But she gets all huffy. And the BIG bouncer looking 8ft brick shit-house, steps up to let me know this is not going to happen. Cept, he wasn't, he was just walking past.
Anyway. We down the 5th LIIT, and decide to leave. Pink gets left behind somehow, and green and I go to Che (dead) then PJ's (not bad but not good) green says f-this, HD for some straight forward fun.
Pink joins us, though he has little recollection of it, and we amble in. I have to say. Liit as I was, I saw some quite attractive honeys, all $800-$1000, some average honeys, $500-$600 and some mother fugly ho bags. For. $600-$800. ! WTF
Green gets all bird hunter goo-gaa over some big breasted flesh beast, and wants to take her. Not wanting to be alone, he tells me I have to take one too back to his place. Dang it.
I grab the cutest I could afford, and drag her along, taxi ride back to greens place. Pink follows us out the door and disappears.
We're not even 5 minutes in greens place, when his girl storms out of his room, prepping to go. Me, thinking that she's doing a runner, grabs the keys from the door and check. Greens unconscious, possibly asleep possibly not. I ask him. He says 'nah, fuck her off'
Green is totally green, no Russian, so I ask the girl in my. Barely 5 words Russian. Whats going on.
We argue about misunderstandings, I think she says 60, 000 she's saying 16, 000, I know thats far too much, I say, no thats not going to happen, 10 is normal, she gets all bitchy and starts fucking with me, . I don't know if this girl has just robbed my mate green or not. So I tell her she has to wait while I check
Honestly I have no clue if green had 10k or 20k rubles before, and if she did or didn't take something. He's passed out on the bed.
But she's freaking out at the door, going bunta ballistic, cause its locked. So I go back to her. Ask her whats going on, she starts pushing me around and saying she has friends in the FSB. Whoa. I snap
I hold her head again the door with my elbow/forearm, and tell her in a quiet tone, straight to her eyes, "Ya Rabotayou na FSB, gavarish yesha kto ti znaesh" which is my terrible Russian for. I work in the FSB, say again who you know?
She goes white, I unlock the door, and physically boot her ass out the door. Single turn push with the heel of my foot, she stumbles but does not fall, I lock the door.
The door bell. RING RING RING RING RING.
MY girl comes out of the bathroom, starts asking whats going on.
I turn off the bell, and start the 'panicked foreigner' act, "oh my gawd, she just started demanding money, started saying that she was calling the police and the military, I didn't know what to do. I think she had a knife, she stole all my friends money. I pushed her out of the apartment in time before she might have stabbed me.
Is this your friend? " I ask. In horror, She assures me she is not, calms me down, rings the taxi driver waiting outside to see if she's there. She is. Gets on the phone to her (shit) I start claiming, . "I couldn't understand her, she scared me, started getting all crazy". It works. She talks to the other girl, but decides that the foreigners word is more truthful than the *****,
She calms me down with some kissing, and an attempted BJ, mounts me rides me. , but then I say that I can't, I'm not in the mood now that this happened. (actually I know I'm too wasted to even get close to getting off) I need some sort of assurance.
This kind sweet girl, suggests that she goes, but wants me to call her, go to the movies and hang out with her. I get her number. And she leaves. No cash paid. !
Gawd I love Moscow. And now Pink, my bet is paid, Posted!
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