Allons enfants de la Patrie, Le jour de gloire est arrivé!
An earlier contributor mentioned Pattaya’s traffic problems. The cops should be sorting that out, instead of extracting bribes from all and sundry. The cops are Pattaya’s biggest hassle. Looks like they are into murder too and protecting murderers. I was reading about a Kiwi bodybuilder his go go gal had whacked. She walked. Quelle surprise.
Then we have had a spate of young farangs being arrested for yabba dealing, caught with on average 10 tablets each. At least two of these were French citizens; another obvious cop scam as two French kids selling a fist full of yabba is hardly The French Connection..
A friend was telling me about an English ex policeman kept bound and chained in an Isaan farm outhouse as his beloved ‘s family cashed his pension for months on end. The course of true love does not always run smoothly in the land of Crocodile Smiles.
Another contributor had been spouting on about the Bank of Ayuthaya’s ATMs. Central Festival Mall is full on ATMs on the higher floors – at least a dozen in all I would say, all doing a steady trade. However, a Pattaya scam site tells me the dummy ATMs (false front with hidden camera) have come to Pattaya. This is on top of the keyloggers and the urchins selling roses and pickpocketing on Walking St (where Yenchit, Pattaya’s best money changing rate, opposite Familymart, way up past the ladyboy creatures and the Buddhist tree, is based),
Although that is Pattaya’s best exchange rate, do glance at the other places as you pass. In particular, glance at the LBFMs changing money. Now where did they get the farang loot, except from farangs by way of a generous tip? Contributors here argue about prices but the true blood sucking pros get far more than any of us can imagine.
A few words on ladyboy developments are in order. There is a big tree on the beach opposite Mike’s mall. A towering ladyboy was almost dragging a plump under sized Indian there for a blow job which would have ended in the Indian getting mugged at best. The Indian managed to extricate himself. A group of ladyboys have laid claim to the Beach Road front opposite the PS short time hotel. Three cops escorted the 6 of them down towards Walking Street and ignored all the ladies. More evidence if you need it to steer clear of these thieving perverts.
The Central Festival shoe stores all keep their shoes in pairs, which is handy if you too are a thief. There are also good views of Pattaya Bay from the higher floors but the views of the Beach Rd hookers is, sadly, somewhat obscured. There are also lots of stores catering to children’s clothes and female cosmetics, further evidence that our Cheap Charlie mongering days are numbered.
As regards Indian mongers, of course they cannot all be painted with the same brush. I have seen Indians and Ching Chongs produce large wads of cash (not a wise move but evidence lots of them have lots of loot to burn). I guess Thailand and Thai ladies are still opening up as an Indian destination – they are the future, we water buffalo whites are the past – and so all sorts of Indians are descending on pussyland. Indians like to go around in groups, like the camel jockeys, they have been bargaining for centuries and like the Arabs, they are probably happy to pay for what they want. Many of the smarter go go girls (some of them have good cash registers as brains) specialize in the camel jockey market and will turn their noses up at cheap Charlie whites. Something like the Koreans and Japanese in Thermae and similar Bkk dumps.
It has been a good few nights my right hand which got fully inserted into several lucky assholes and a not so lucky pussy. Our more conservative brethren would be surprised at the hokey pokey their sweethearts get up to. Several of them have produced their own latex gloves for me, evidence that my right hand is not Star Trek, boldly going where no right hand has ever gone before. One of them, Myu (as in the Greek letter), got it up to elbow level. A fist or an arm is not that big a deal when compared to having a baby or being fucked by a horse but I digress.
Having breakfast today at the top of Soi 8 and admiring the cook’s well sculpted ass, I also admired the latex glove she used when cutting up the chicken. When she popped the meal in front of me, I had a horn the size of a baby’s arm. It is the first time in years I wanted to rim an ass in public.
When fisting, I prefer to do it in one fell swoop though tastes do differ.
We had a party in Naklua last night. Gutting the chickens, we call it. It was just your typical downscale orgy. Pere Jacques, a French expatriate (kicked out of the priesthood some years ago for major violations of nuns’ bottoms) threw it. Most of his German neighbors are married to LBFMs from about three different villages. Once a Kraut washes up on these shores, they zoom in on him to bag the cash flow for a LBFM from their own particular village. At night, the Krauts all sit around together, swigging down beer and the LBFMs congregate in three separate groups according to village of origin, chomp on fried roaches and shoot the breeze. Pere Jacques prefers indoor activities. He is a great gagger. This involves making the LBFM swallow his canary until she starts to gag and throw up. A little extreme for most of us, but even ex priests need their hobbies.
He makes his living taking surreal coffee table type pics: roses in a vase of innocent anuses kind of thing. There is a good market for them in Europe, he tells me.
Despite the slings and arrows of life’s misfortunes, Pere Jacques stays true to his roots. One of the night’s many highlights was France’s own La Marseillaise, the world’s most inspiring national anthem tune. (the words are blasé). As its great melody belted out, I came in the peach like anus of an Isaan lady (of the night), who was spread eagled over the wash hand basin
Has anyone else noticed the size and positioning of Thailand’s toilet accessories? The shower sinks are just the right size for taking a LBFM from behind, fondling her tits and watching it all in the mirror in front. It makes a welcome change. Also, most shower heads are detachable.
The women working at the optician’s shop I go to lament that they are not bar girls as they never get a chance to meet farang. I tell them , lament not, they have met a good hearted one in me and that I have a French friend in Naklua who is a great cook of both French and Thai food. I have promised them adventure.
And romance too. We kick started the party with a candlelight dinner and lots of red roses. (Have you noticed there are no good flower shops in Pattaya? Where are the overweight love starved female tourists when we need them?)
Of course, the candle light dinner serves a purpose as hot wax running down uncovered breasts is one of Nature’s most exquisite joys. Though I am sure the Devil’s Den, the Domme com babes, the fetish shops and similar outfits offer such services (it would be a scandal if they did not), I prefer the romantically wild. The roses make good props, sticking out of orifices and adding contrast to the semen soaked brown skin. Roses have to be watered too.
One lucky lady got four cocks into here at the same time. Front, mouth and back are the easy part. The hard part is getting the fourth cock into the ass, in other words two cocks in the ass at the same time. It is done as follows: the LBFM lies face downward with a cock in the pussy and another in the mouth. The third cock pierces her ass by lying on top of her but in the same direction. The fourth and final cock lies on top of her but the other way. Two cocks in the ass can tear the lady’s ass and blood can enter. This will be a problem for the lady if either ass driller has Aids but should not be major concern for the buggers. All of this is irrelevant to me. While the others were drilling away, I was helping myself to some premier French wine to get my bladder tanked up.
Aids is, of course, a problem what with the increasing amount of tourists from India, where 2.5 million have HIV. But if you drink plenty of water and don’t get any of her blood, you should be fine. Central Festival is good that way in that it has plenty of hand gel dispensers. That can slow the spread of genital warts, if that is of concern to you. LBFMs, for all their faults, do tend to scrub up. Remember, when you are doing the pumping, when you are in the driver’s seat, pumping her ass, you are safe. She can look after herself and you cannot grieve over every Isaan LBFM, who ends up in Pattaya.
The Thai beauty at the gym has begun chatting to me. I reckon my only chance of lancing her ass is to play it cool and to treat her like shit. So far, so good in treating her like shit. Let us hope I soon give her a right uppercut that is not in the Queensbury rules. The look of wonderment when she is impaled on my right fist will be worth more than 1000 baht.
I sat down by Central Rd/Beach Rd again and spoke to the Irish guy who continues doing his 3000 bt a month bit for the environment. I cannot understand Mr Potato head’s accent at all and I am sure the Thais cannot either. But when three hookers walked by, he collared one of them, left his five bags of plastic bottles to one side and was making all kinds of lurid suggestions to her in the gibberish form of English he speaks. Gallantly allowing them some privacy, I hobbled off towards Walking St (my feet are very bad right now and I will have to go easy on them if I wish to keep them). Hey Presto, the second ugliest and certainly the oldest piece of meat in all Beach Rd was waddling away with her catch. (And if I thought my feet were bad, that was before I glanced at hers). Then the ugliest one was buying food (now where could Miss Yabba Head have got the $$). So even hell’s hags get laid. The only way those two should expect to get laid is by way of a bet where we say we will lay the oldest and ugliest female we can find. Amazing Thailand.
The hotels are certainly amazing. I see Hotel Florida off 2nd Road near Apex hotel advertizes monthly, weekly, daily and short time rates. There is a good looking bar/ guest house on Soi Buacau a few doors down from Pook Bar, for sale and the Celtic bar around the corner is also boarded up ($$weet heart trouble). Do any of these bars actually raffle off the ladies? I reckon that would be a good gimmick. 100 baht a ticket and first price a bar fine and short time, second prize a bar fine and long time.
What is it with long time? I hire them for fuck toys. When I sleep I don’t want a yabba loving prostitute plotting my doom beside me. Nor do I want to haul one around all day long shopping for them. Pattaya should be all about us, not them.
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Pattaya day 2... more like it
Lesson learned (again) from night 1, as I walk through the early evening, my thoughts of finding the right lady. Still very sexy but a bit more of that raw sexy NE Thai lady thing.
I can't recall her name, she said she was 28. Watching her dance at Shark, she smiled at me several times, indicating she was interested. The joint was really quite. During my stay, perhaps just 4-5 guys.
After survey of the ladies. I decided to offer her LT. She jumped at the offer. Bar fine and such later. We stopped at 7-11 for something to drink then back to my room. This was more like it. After a Hello, farang kiss, she easily stripped and joined me in the shower. Perhaps not the best body but certainly a good attitude.
She really liked DATY. I had her straddle my head while on her knees, hands against the head board, while she wiggled her moistness into my mouth. Definitely more like it. I think we did 2 or 3 rounds just on introduction. A bit of sleep and I found her welcome hands on me again at about 3am, wanting another sample. We woke at 7 for a good morning bang, shared a nice shower together. She almost walked out forgetting to pick up the money I left for her on the table near her purse.
I'd do her again, no problem. One happy customer.
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