[QUOTE=Cream on Top]I know this could be quiet to personal to publish overhere PW. In any case maybe you can point what you have learned out of it, so our fellow mongers; considdering just that "inch" more besides just getting laid; have to watch out for, they do not get trapped by a visa hound.
Thanks in advance for your feedback[/QUOTE]Hmmm. I have been trying to get with the owner of the agency where I met her. I want to run by him, the stages and how things went. I hope to learn what is typical, and what should have been a red flag.
I am pretty shook up, becuase I usually understand most things that I come across, but I have no idea why this went so bad, so quickly. I do know that I SHOULD have shut it down after the first stupid argument.
Maybe some other mongers can answer this question: Is it normal for a Colombian woman to invite herself to sleepover at your place?
Our second Day together, sitting in her sister's living room, and having met her family, she looked at me and said "I am sleeping in your room tonight".
No sex occurred. It was one day later that we did the nasty. She told me that it was some kind of test to see if I would push her for sex. She said, had I pushed her for sex, she would have, but she wouldn't have seen me again. I also learned that she was a liar. So the previous statement probably was not true.
One thing I have found in common with my failed relationships? None of them had parents who were married. More strangely, in all of my serious relationships, the woman was raised be her grandmother. Important? I don't know. But I do know that she had no one around to teach her to cook, or how to conduct herself around a man, or how to be a wife.
I can tell you this. I met her, extended an extra week to be with her more. I went back to the States, and after a week of misery, I returned for another three months of living together.
Problem? I kept making excuses for her. She is stressed because she know the visa wait will be long. She is stressed because she knows that we will part on 30 December, and won't see each other until she gets to the US.
Then, in the US, the excuses for the fighting included - She is stressed because we need to get married for her to continue her papers, etc.
I was very open and non-judgmental to a different culture. I know that Spanish can come across as rude, or overly direct in English. So I downplayed the way she acted.
She actually told me that if she had only wanted the visa, she'd have been nice, but her hatefulness was proof that she was be honest and sincere. How is that for reverse logic?
My advice? Don't write off bad behaviour as "Maybe it is normal here". And don't put up with much. The population of Colombia is 44 million. According to the CIA world factbook, 14 million are aged 15-64. Don't weird out, that is how the data is released and no further breakout is provided.
Whatever - long story short (too late) Don't put up with much, there are too many beauties there to take any crap off of one of them. If the woman can't be normal or nice in her own country, she'll never be able to deal with all of the changes the US would represent, should you bring her here.
Also, INS does NOT have a good method to remove her. If she gets to the US, she gets all sorts of rights, and INS list no method on how to remove a mistake. I asked mine to leave several times, and she said "Buy a ticket". But knowing about how she lies, and that I couldn't FORCE her into the plane, I was forced to try to make the best of it.
Other advice that I have come across since this debacle started- Do NOT let your Colombian get in with the latino sub-culture in the south part of the US, ie Texas, California, etc. She will rub elbows with the types that no how to skirt laws, act like American women, etc.
Her friends had/have her convinced that "Any man can complete" her papers. This fueled her attitude. Most recently, she decided that she would go to INS an ask for a different type of visa. While this is officially possible, it is a bad idea. It also could land her in a position to found guilty of Marriage Fraud. The penalty, if found guilty, is deportation to home country AND ineligibilty for another visa to the US, of any type, for the rest her life.
Having spoken with INS officials, they believe this is a good description of my case.
But, my wife (for the moment) has moved into the house of some friends she made, venezuelans, and changed her cellphone number, effectively disappearing.
I guess one other thing I would do differently - I would require her to learn English BEFORE she got to the US. Much culture is in a language, and she would do better, and not be restricted to the latin sub-culture in the States.
Plus, non-willingness to learn English also says that she isn't interested in communicating with YOU.
My solution? I found work down there in Colombia, and the first time a woman starts talking about going to the US, I will show her to the door, re-list my girlfriend ad, and get another. But I'm not bitter ;-)
Sorry this is so long. I hope there is some value or warning signs in it for the rest of the mongers here.
Piece Out,
PW
