If your wife finds a condom.
Several years ago my wife found a condom in my clothing upon my return from the DR. Of course she confronted me.
Let me assure you, this is no time to be honest. Had to think of something real fast. The package was printed in English so I couldn’t say it was a Dominican balloon!
I told her a couple guys and I were on the beach when a local approached and started telling us about this great DISCO—good music, cheap drinks, and lots of friendly locals. He then put a condom in my shirt pocket and said that it would take care of the cover charge. I assured her that we did not go, but I had forgotten about the condom.
She bought it.
Lessons learned:
1. Check everything in your bag as you are packing to leave.
2. Check all the pockets in the clothes you are wearing to travel home
3. Before closing your bag, pour rum over your clothes. Your wife won’t smell any perfume from who knows where and it will add credibility to your story that all you did was party all the time. Even better, the TSA inspectors will really believe you were on vacation
If wifey finds a condom in your shaving kit or suitcase,
Just tell your wife you were tempted, and a buddy gave it to you just in case, but you did not yield to temptation, shouldn't she be glad!