Phnom Penh: Day 1 - The Bar Exam
I don't drink, and as crazy as it may sound, I've never been to a bar before. Well, let me take a step back. I have been to bars with restaurants for dinner with friends, but I have never been to a bar just to drink. Also, I have no clue about the names and differences among numerous drinks, I. E, Wine, Tequila, Gin, Rum, etc. Even worse, I don't even know what the different beers are. Yes, I have had beer before with my friends, but I don't know what a Draft (or is it Craft?) beer is. I guess the only beer name I know is Duff beer from The Simpsons!
Well, that was me in Phnom Penh. Unlike Bangkok, where it seems every corner has a massage shop offering 'extracurricular activities,' Phnom Penh has nothing like that, and it instantly put me in a difficult spot. I was aware of this beforehand, having read numerous posts here (thank you, everyone, for the valuable information! And I was determined to finally break through the Bar Exam!
I had booked the Lux Riverside hotel on Street 136. On my way there in the Grab Taxi, I saw lots of bars lining both sides of the road, brightly lit with colorful, flashy neon signs and blasting high-beat music. It was around 11 PM. I got out of the taxi right in front of my hotel, and directly across the street was The Pussy Cat bar. Among the ladies sitting outside, one woman in her mid-twenties jumped off her chair and began waving her hands at me with obvious enthusiasm. I took this as a good sign, smiled, and nodded back. Then, I grabbed my suitcase and headed inside the hotel to check in.
I checked in, got to my room, freshened up, and quickly came back down to scout the area, but not before grabbing a bite to eat. I saw the lady still sitting in her spot, and without making eye contact, I went out. I picked up some street food, then walked along Street 136,130, 118,110, 108, Street 5, and the rest. Every bar had lots of women sitting out front, mostly glued to their phones. Some of them were quite stunning, most were young, and some perhaps too young.
In my mind, I had the exact instructions I'd memorized from the forum: find a lady you like, ask if she goes out with customers, and if so, make sure she has her ID. Then, buy her a lady drink and pay the barfine. But in the actual moment, I felt totally lost and couldn't figure out what to do. I didn't have the confidence to walk up to someone and ask those questions, nor did I even have the know-how to walk into a bar and order a simple drink! I figured I'd better head back toward my hotel and see if that overly enthusiastic lady was still interested in me.
The next few minutes moved faster than my brain could even process. I think I walked into the shop and she followed me. I believe I asked her something along the lines of whether I could barfine her directly. Initially, she asked me to buy her a lady drink, but I think I replied that I wanted to skip that and go straight to the barfine. She then pointed me toward the older lady working the counter.
The woman at the counter tried to persuade me to buy a drink first, claiming it would somehow make the overall barfine cost less. In the heat of the moment, the math was definitely not mathing in my head, and I repeated that I wanted to barfine directly without any drink. It must have been a slow night, because she agreed and let me take the girl. Let's call her Pho. The bar fine was 30 USD (or was it 20? I forgot already! And I agreed to give Pho 50 USD.
Pho is in her mid-twenties, looked good to me (maybe a 6 or 7 out of 10), and was thin (but not a spinner). She constantly had a smile on her face and was kind of funny. I had her drop her ID at the hotel counter, and then we took the elevator up to my room.
Pho knew a little English, which allowed us to strike up a bit of a conversation. I took her Facebook ID and added her right away. I learned a little about her family and her life. She was even making silly paw gestures at me and growling like a lion or a pussy cat! I was totally elated. I really thought we were bonding!
Now it was time for action. I wanted both of us to take a quick shower to clean up, but she insisted she would do it herself. I found that a bit odd, but I let her freshen up. She came back, and then I did the same.
At this point, she insisted the lights must be turned off, which I didn't want, but she was insistent. So we turned off the main lights, leaving only partial light coming from the bathroom. We were both undressed, and she immediately started saying I was too big.
Well, I have watched things where footlong Subway sandwiches are served, while mine could only be considered a 6-inch sandwich (not inflation adjusted). There was no way it was "too big," but she seemed panicked. She wanted me to only serve her half of the 6-inch sandwich, which seemed odd and impractical to me. Anyway, I assured her that everything would be slow and easy, and I wanted her to be at ease.
I offered her a taste of the sandwich directly with her mouth, knowing beforehand that Cambodian women generally aren't into that. Pho was no exception. After trying to persuade her for a minute or two, I gave up and moved to the next thing.
From what I had read in this forum regarding the use of wrappers, apparently Cambodian ladies don't care about them. But Pho was different; not only did she make sure that I put a wrapper on the sandwich, but she emphasized how important it was to use one and gave me a short lecture on the risks involved in not using any in her broken English! Since I am in favor of the wrapper as well, I complied.
Then came the action, and Pho kept interrupting and whining about the size of the sandwich; she genuinely wanted only half of it, and I did not know how to entertain that request. I was trying hard to match the pace of a snail, which completely killed my mood, but she still wasn't happy. With much difficulty, I somehow came to an end! I truly wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.
I quickly turned on the lights and grabbed some tissue. To my horror, the bedsheet was totally stained. Pho was on her period and did not tell me this beforehand. She blamed the sandwich size for the mishap, which was totally false. Anyway, I cleared the bill and sent her on her way. I then spent the next twenty minutes trying to remove the stain from the bedsheet to save myself from embarrassment with the hotel cleaners.
Well, that's the end of my story about my first night in Phnom Penh. Question for the readers: Did I pass the Bar Exam?
Note: I published this report in another forum as well.
