Thai Women - Opinions & Advice

[QUOTE=Soap Fan]You haven't had enough long term Thai GFs to know how different it can be.

One of my ex-GFs had to support her family, but I was not involved at all. She worked as a chef outside Thailand and had to support her mother plus others.
So a reasonably self supporting girl is definitely a better option for the guy. I helped support her by not making her pay a share of various things but left her to support the family.[/QUOTE]Jeje A girl who actually wants to work. I think this is very different from most LB girls who are used to make money just getting drunk and having some sex from time to time.

[QUOTE=Old Thai Hand]...There have literally been hundreds of stories over the years about guys buying the farm for their TG and her family.[/QUOTE]

I'm deeply interested in this issue even though I've never really been mooched from, simply because I am so cheap and live in dire fear of ever being mooched from.

I think one reason these fellows are so easily conned is that they tend to come to Thailand to sort of lord it over some poors and pretend they're better off than people know them to be back home. Basically working guys can come and pretend to be the big man. It lasts a while, but like all hubris, has a sad end. I'm sure it will come as no surprise to anyone that I've always preferred the cheap and humble approach.

I do have one regular who tends to 'touch' me a bit financially - and by that I mean what was originally a 500 baht short time at the brothel became 700 when she stopped working at that venue and was available only by phone; and then over the years she started to squeeze me for as much as 1,000 (begging when I was in the middle of banging her, if you can imagine!). Even on a few firsts-of-the-month when her rent has been due she'll dare to beg for 1,200 or 1,500. All this is very annoying, but I've put up with it to a certain degree because we live in a small town where the hooker options are just atrocious. She's basically the only cheaper one who is reasonably good looking and fun in bed. I have managed to sort of normalize things by standing my ground/putting my foot down (weak though I may appear to be), and now we're pretty much solid at 700 for regular short times and 1,200 on the one just before or at the first of the month. I guess it isn't an unreasonable compromise, I just hate the feeling of ongoing involvement.

[QUOTE=Opebo]...I have managed to sort of normalize things by standing my ground/putting my foot down (weak though I may appear to be), and now we're pretty much solid at 700 for regular short times and 1,200 on the one just before or at the first of the month. I guess it isn't an unreasonable compromise, I just hate the feeling of ongoing involvement.[/QUOTE]
Why don't you just admit it, Opebo ... You are jai dee. :)

All this talk of Thai ladies and their families being wallet Hoovers has made me decide to tell a little story of mine...

It was a few years back when I was in the town of Hat Yai. I meet this nice Lady, 28, at one of my favorite bars. We got to talking and have a fun time. We kept in touch when I went back to Kuala Lumpur and meet up several times here and back up in Hat Yai. She is from a small village on the east coast near Sumi. I had heard alot about her family and her daughter and her recently dead husband. With the death of her husband she had to come to Hat Yai to work... Anyways we started falling for each other. After about 6 months she brought up money, how much she needs to send home each month to keep her kid in school and the house kept together. Well of course from all of the talk about keep your wallet safe, I broached the subject politely and in a way that I thought was ok... but she took offense that I thought she wanted money from me. She told me, 'I can take care of myself and my family.' After this our relationship went down hill and eventually ended. This story of course is quick and is only to make one point...

Becareful, but not stupid. People are inherently good it is only their situation that makes them bad. Because I was so worried about this "Thai Hoover Problem" I lost someone I deeply cared for.

just my 2cents

Slylock

ps she was not P4P

[QUOTE=Slylock]Well of course from all of the talk about keep your wallet safe, I broached the subject politely and in a way that I thought was ok... but she took offense that I thought she wanted money from me. [/QUOTE]

Some subjects, especially with non P4P are not to be talked about... even "broached".
Guess you learned the hard way! LOL

But you know, 2 of my Staff (ladies) are single and looking for a Farang Boyfriend. When I asked them why they very honestly said that because a Thai man cannot pay for the lifestyle they want.
Now even if they say that in our Office setting, I am sure they would react the same as your girl if their boyfriend ever talks about them wanting money.

I think that any Foreigner getting in a relationship with a Thai Lady needs to not overthink things too much, just go with the flow.

[QUOTE=NicFrenchy]Some subjects, especially with non P4P are not to be talked about... even "broached".
Guess you learned the hard way! LOL

But you know, 2 of my Staff (ladies) are single and looking for a Farang Boyfriend. When I asked them why they very honestly said that because a Thai man cannot pay for the lifestyle they want.
Now even if they say that in our Office setting, I am sure they would react the same as your girl if their boyfriend ever talks about them wanting money.

I think that any Foreigner getting in a relationship with a Thai Lady needs to not overthink things too much, just go with the flow.[/QUOTE]

This was just a quick story to illustrate the simple point that not all Thai woman are after money, and not to be so damn guarded. When I say broach, I mean I replied to her telling me how much she sends home. The conversation was more along the lines, of wow thats alot of money for two people, How do you ever afford that? This was during a time we where contemplating whether she would move down to KL. So she needs to send home 20,000 THB every month, she wants to move to KL, no job... what was i supposed to think? Little did I know she was job hunting in KL, but where would she get a job making 2,000+ MYR per month with no university? So my question was two pronged, one: does she want money from me and two: how can I help her with finding work.

Because of the stereo typing of money grabbing Thai girls I assumed she wanted money and she assumed that I was worried she was a user... now I hope that is more transparent to the issue. Also alot of the generalizations made where about non P4P, look at OTH comments (no disrespect OTH).

My whole point is Take It Easy... because you never know what you might end up fucking up! The search for a good woman is difficult everywhere, but the reason alot of men choose to search in Thailand is because the reward is much greater then at home or other places. So just take it easy...only start to worry if uncle Prat's buffalo gets sick lol.

With all respect

Slylock

[QUOTE=Slylock]ps she was not P4P[/QUOTE]Subject of money, when it comes around to the idea of long term care giving, it's massively difficult for them to tell you exactly what they need. Hyper-sensitive, trying to pass nonverbal cues to you so you can understand and communicate your ideas back, it's touchy, very touchy.

All in all, they expect you to read their minds. If you can't do it, it's your fault, (of course.)

[!Ann Landers: server enabled+zero conflict emulation; enter] Next time, try the 'we' word (laow) to avoid trouble, in other words, anything but the 'you' word. I. E. "When I am here, 'we' need this much, when I am not here, 'we' need that much. " Look at her in the eyes, lightly lifting brow and smiling, ever so slightly turning your ear like the good mafia don you are, (non-verbal cues, just like daddy.) Not only will you see what they are made of, they will open up. [/! Ann Landers]

[QUOTE=Slylock]...only start to worry if uncle Prat's buffalo gets sick lol.
[/QUOTE]

And if Cousin Somchai's and Brother Song's Buffaloes also get sick at the same time, RUN.... fast.

Well, I thought it would be nice to write a follow on, on my last post.

After 15 days I took a look at her bar and found her. Surprisingly she was in good mood and we ended having a very good night together. Next day happened the same, with some annoying details as her paying somethings (refusing me to pay them) and having great sex in the evening, with a lot of rounds (before she always tried to sneak away after the first time).

Now the boyfriend idea is over and we are only friends but with a very good connection. Maybe now as she keeps with her life and her work, something can come up from this, although I see this possibility very slim, as the LB scene is so changing.

What can I say, this is exactly what I wanted from the beginning, so now I'm a happy customer. Let's see how long it lasts.

[QUOTE=NicFrenchy]I think that any Foreigner getting in a relationship with a Thai Lady needs to not overthink things too much, just go with the flow.[/QUOTE]

You are right Nic, Its the "thinking too much" that sends you round the twist.

They have a totally different mindset to us (westeners). Its not wrong, just different. Get used to it and as Nic says: go with the flow. I would say: enjoy the ride!

Ozirob.

[QUOTE=Ozirob]enjoy the ride!

Ozirob.[/QUOTE]OK, don't say I didn't warn you.

Sorry, this is a long winded thing, I suspect that 99% of you won't read it, but this story reflects the reality of just trying to 'enjoy the ride'. Stickman dot com is full of these, but I think you will like this one though, it's out there, totally typical of Thailand, and yeah, it's OK to chuckle a bit if you want, I know I do every time it is told (sorry also for any typos, I'm just going to hammer this sucker out):

Lawyer buddy, expat, long time friend in BKK from San Francisco, a firm Jr partner, 38 yrs old, does business legal for expats, is good at it. We will call him 'Jack'

Jack's girlfriend from Ubon Ratchathani, beautiful, doesn't look Isaan at all, very Hi-So, very quiet, perfect manners, well dressed, speaks English. Let's call her 'Jill'.

Jack and Jill had a 2 year relationship, and in fact, had been living together for 1 1/2 years, they had social connections with lots of Thais and farangs, they attended both casual and business parties often. SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) for a nice promising 'up and coming' legal exec in BKK.

One night, after work, Jack came home to his condo (in a swanky riverside area of Thonburi.) His black 2003 Camry, that he had purchased new, was gone, and so was Jill, along with a ton of their stuff. There had been no arguments, no mixed words, no nothing. Jack called Jill's parents and her sisters, no ideas at all, apparently, she had totally disappeared. Jack then called the police.

Nothing. Police had nothing, and no clue to anything. "Mia bpai laeow" Girlfriend took off, it happens thousands of times a day all over the Kingdom of Thailand, and certainly not a whole lot the cops can do.

Well, of course, Jack is distraught, completely deranged, thinking Jill was kidnapped or worse. At this point he is waiting for the ransom note, and he was sure that it was forthcomining, praying to high heaven for it to come soon.

Ten days later, Jack gets a call from the police. His Camry had been involved in a serious accident, a female was driving; the girl is OK, minor injuries, a broken nose, and she was now waiting there at the police station for someone to come deal with everything. The accident had been her fault.

Jack runs to the police station, and HELLO, the girl is NOT Jill. The girl there at the station is frantically trying to call some Thai guy that had given her the car. A half hour later, the Thai guy arrives on the scene, immediately realizing what is going on, he panics, and tries to run away into the night, the theretofore unknown Thai girl screaming at the top of her lungs for the Thai guy to come back, (of course) The cops, knowing that something smelled fishy in Rayong, run out and grab the Thai guy. Thai guy then frantically makes some calls from his cell, something short winded, like, "I am at the police station, the car has been in an accident. " Again, within a half hour, Jill then arrives on the scene at the police station.

So here we are now: Jack, Jill, the Thai guy, and a Thai girl, all separated into different rooms at the police station. The police are all laughing their asses off, the story is already making the rounds and all the cops what to come take a look see for themselves. Cop party at station ensues.

As it turns out, Jill had been two timing Jack with her long time Thai boyfriend, they had been BF & GF since the age of 16. OK, yeah, well sorta.

Jill stole the Camry from Jack, (along with a ton of Jack's jewelry, credit cards, clothes, etc.) She then gave the car to the Thai guy, her long time BF. Two days later, the Thai guy told Jill that he had sold the car to his uncle, and that his aunt and uncle were going to pay cash for the car in a month. In truth, however, the Thai guy had actually given the car to HIS real girlfriend, (some 15 yr old chick from Chai Nat that didn't know how to drive.)

Now, just to clarify things, the 15 yr old GF of the Thai guy, was the one in the accident, running the car into: two cars, a power pole, a gas pump, and nearly killing 3 pedestrians, all while trying to negotiate pulling into a gas station for gas.

As it turned out, the Thai guy, wanting to impress his 15 yr old honey with just how amazingly cool he was, had essentially forced Jill into making the final killing of the golden goose, (relationship with Jack) saying that it was time to get married and have kids. But in reality, all he wanted was Jack's car to give to his real GF.

Now. You ready?

The car insurance company canceled the policy when it was discovered that a minor was driving the car, they refused any involvement whatsoever. Jack was stuck with all of the payment for damages: to the gas station, the two cars, the electric pole, the hospital for the 15 yr old Thai chick, and finally, for all of the Camry repair bills.

Jack's law company tried to sue the insurance company, but the case was going to take months, if not years, to hammer out. Stolen by girlfriend: iffy, had to be proven; given to BF, ditto, had to be proven; given to 15 yr old GF, etc.

Now, what do you do if you are Jack? .

Well, Jack paid off everything, bought a new black 2008 Camry, let Jill keep the now fixed old Camry, and is still desperately trying to figure out a way to get Jill back.

OK now, Jack is a really good friend, he is a super super nice guy. Everybody has tried to steer him straight and get him back to right, but Jack is Jack. He is now one of the biggest playboys in BKK, has hundreds of phone numbers on his cell, but he STILL hasn't forgotten Jill. He still wants her back.

For those of you that read this thing the way to here, good for you: This IS Thailand guys, AND YES, this story is all about the REAL Thailand, be cunning, be careful, and for crap's sake be aware of WHO you are (stone cold patsies) and WHERE you are (ripoff land.)

There are billions of girls in the world, a broken heart from a bit of 'safety net' planning is far better than a totally broken life. Period.

[QUOTE=Old Thai Hand]Sorry, gentlemen. I am 100% correct on this one.

Family plays a major role in any relationship in this country, especially a long-term relationship. The only way to minimize it is to get involved with a girl who's family have money and don't need yours.

[/QUOTE]
Very true. The important thing to take from these statements, however, is the word "minimize". Being with a girl from a wealthy family still doesn't ensure that her parents (family) won't hit you up for something down the road. It really is just a matter of time.

Unfortunately, Thais tend to take more than they give!

[QUOTE=Barko]... Jack ... still wants her back.[/QUOTE]

This is the root of the problem - there is something wrong with the guy. As with all guys in these situations. One can hardly blame the Thai party in the situation for taking advantage of the fact that Western men are, mostly, doormats.

[QUOTE=Barko]...Jack was stuck with all of the payment for damages: to the gas station, the two cars, the electric pole, the hospital for the 15 yr old Thai chick, and finally, for all of the Camry repair bills...[/QUOTE]
I thought you said the moron was a great lawyer???

[QUOTE=Soap Fan]Keeping a girl in Thailand can be quite expensive and will never work out to be a good deal on a per fuck basis.

If you are wealthy it can be a good option.

A superstar bargirl I went with recently says she is tired of being a bargirl and having to go with multiple customers. She would very much like to be a kept girl with a guy that is serious about her. But here is the catch. Because she is a top girl and popular, she currently makes quite a lot of money to support her whole family and is wanting to buy a little business for her parents to work in.

Guys have offered to keep her for 30K Baht per month, but its not enough. She earns a lot more than that per month currently.

So she wants it every way in her favour. Same money she can make in the bar but no work and wants the guy to be honest with her too and not "butterfly". Is this reasonable ....?

Of course not!

Bar girls just cannot give up getting the big money once they get used to it.

On the other hand if you can find a very poorly paid girl, she might be happy to be "kept" for a far lower amount. But then she probably won't be as sexy and as beautiful and probably doesn't even speak English.

But your big problem is that you don't get to "keep" just the girl. Its usually keeping the whole family inckluding hospital bills, house repairs, etc.

My recommendation to you is to collect a set of phone numbers of girls you enjoy. Then if you have collected anough numbers, then nearly always someone will be avilable. You then pay them on a per visit basis, strictly cash for service.
Will turn out that you get better overall service and use less money for it. The girls should even be aware of that other girls are competing for your time. Then they know they must give you a good time to remain a favourite. You will also get bored with them far less easily when they get rotated like this.

Believe me I have tried both ways (although girls I have "kept" were not bargirls) and set of paid Giks is much more satisfactory.[/QUOTE]Exactly, and in my limited experience even if you don't agree on a monthly "salary", but maybe a few limited bank transfers from time to time to keep in touch, keeping her well disposed and available when you come to BKK, the girl will find crafty ways (ie not buffalo stories) to make you choke up more of your cash for equivalent amounts.

She will pace the requests, gradually disclose her many needs (baby, parents, car, house in Isaan, learning a proper job,...), make sure you think she feels bad about asking for money, she will then also make sure you intend to continue to send money in the future, while she tries to get by on her own means (even non P4P maybe). Then all of a sudden, ooops! surprise! no more money and the vicious circle resumes. There's just no way out of it until you say stop.

I made the mistake of sponsoring english lessons + some extra cash to start with, and then...there I am, having paid 110K over 3 months!

And she was still doing soapie P4P for (she says) 30K a month! So you can see how much those girls need/want, it's a bottomless pit.

They're so terrified of the day when you stop sending cash (they know it will come) that they have a very strong incentive to optimize their requests (ie make you pay the most you can without making you feel so used that you stop), they are just brilliant at doing this, and will use all means necessary (it's a great way to discover your weak points! look at the bright side...) They constantly coach each other on the best tactics to employ...

What a fool I am you will say (and you're right), but I was inexperienced and also my options were limited by the fact that I want to spend my next hols in LOS with her and not waste time looking for a pretty and gentle TG (not so many available where I intend to go, as I realized on my previous visit), who fits my criteria. I'm not sure what would have happened if I had said no to some of her requests, but I have the feeling she would have been much less available for our "big holiday". I'm not bitter about it (I don't blame her), but lesson learnt.

After the holidays, she says she wants 40K per month to stop P4P for good and get a decent job (earning 7K), yeah right.