Kumbu and the Brick House Ass
spider, scorpion and kumbu rolled through soi cowboy on tuesday night, with spider and scoprion hooking up first, leaving two of us at shark agogo: kumbu and the brick-house ass. the shift ends and she makes her way to me. she sits on my lap and starts to chat, and she is one chatty catty. the chemistry we had built from afar extended quite nicely to our more intimate conversation, and before i knew it, i was paying for her drink and her bf.
we walk out 15 minutes later with her wearing a one-piece stretchy black dress. fuck, the girls at the hotel reception are going to have a field day with this one. we walk to the end of the soi and are attacked by the touts trying to get us to take a taxi.
'taxi sir!”
“taxi mister?”
“tuk-tuk sir!”
“meter taxi, right here, take this one...”
etc.
the trick to these guys is to completely ignore them, even when they cut you off and block your way. you need to walk right past them and never be tempted to take any one of them up on their offer. even when they say 'here, take this meter taxi.', you might think that it is a meter taxi, so no harm, right? wrong. as soon as you get in, they ask for a tip, or the driver turns around and gives you some bullshit about how it is night time and they have a flat rate of 300 baht. so don't follow the touts no matter what.
we walked through the hoards of touts, past the line of waiting tuk-tuks, past the proffered line of taxis, and to the traffic on the main street. there, there was a line of meter taxis that were not affiliated with the touts, we got in, and the first thing the taxi driver does is punch his meter on. so you know you are now on the clock. nice and easy.
all the way back, i said three things in circular repetition:
“mmmm-hmm...”
“i see...”
“yeah...”
these three phrases were interspersed between the girls constant yakking. she. did. not. stop. talking. we get into the hotel, and the talking continues. we sat there on the couch for a good half hour, my eyes closing from exhaustion, but little kumbu pushing me to persevere. i just couldn't find the right way to cut this shit off and get down to what mattered.
so i finally just got up while she was talking and walked into the shower. i think i could hear her talking while i was in the shower, and i am convinced it was to me, not on the phone. she then agreed to shower, but she insisted that it be alone. i asked why, and she said she has stretch marks from her babies. i asked “baby, or babies?” and she said “babies. two of them. but i have had four babies, two of them died.”
mutherfucker.
i had flash backs to my time in pattaya a few days earlier when i picked up a girl from beach rd and she had similar scars and stretch marks on her belly. i kissed the scars, thinking that would make her feel better, and that sent her into a depressing fit of crying. i was not in the mood to deal with that again.
so i decided to play is easy. i let her shower, when she got out i was on the couch with a towel around my waist. we played around a little, all the while she was talking non-stop. i eventually managed to get her into the bedroom, and i started to take the towel off, and she totally flips out. she jumps out of bed and starts running around like a headless chicken. i mean, it was frenzied, crazy, hands-waving-in-the-air kind of hysterical screaming. turns out she was looking for the light switches to dim the light so i would not see her stretch marks.
lights dimmed, girl subdued a little, and she is now naked on the bed. i start to play around, and she lets me feel the stretch marks. not particularly attractive, i agree, but i've seen and felt worse. but then i discover that she is bendy. she is so frikkin flexible it is unreal. she puts both feet behind her head and then starts to wiggle her bum. she does the full lotus while propped up on her shoulders. she lies flat on her front and then in a single move, she lifts her feet backward, arches her back and her feet touch the top of her head.
little kumbu is singing like andrea bocelli at the coliseum.
i get her onto her back and start to play with her limbs. i twist them this way and that, treating her like an action figure that i just got for christmas – what can it do? i wonder what will happen if i put the arm behind this and twist the leg that way behind the shoulder...as i was doing this, my left hand had surreptitiously found its way to her pussy and i was cupping it. perhaps 'palming' is a better word – i was using my full, open palm to slowly move it this way and that. the reason is that i needed to get her juices flowing since my trojan is unlubricated.
we did this for 5-6 minutes, and then my girl shows me why i picked her. once again, just like the girl in pattaya, this girl knows that her good side is her ass side. and she has the brick house to prove it. so she lies flat on her stomach and starts talking from that position. i, naturally, move into the double loaves with glee. i squeeze and press. i squash and compress. i split and peruse. her ass was, as has been my luck this entire month, simply superb. it was large, round and spec-tacular.
out of no where, she turns her head around and asks, “you ever do sek with girl here mai?” and her finger pokes at her ass. i felt like scooby doo: yabadabadoooooooooo. my first thought was that it was her period, and i was suddenly a little put-off. no dining at the y for you tonight, kumbu. but ass kissing seemed to be my thing these days, so why not. i kissed her ass cheeks slowly before answering her question, and then in order to answer her question, i poked my tongue into her asshole and murmered “mm-hmm”. she giggles a little, and then i ask her “you do in here a lot?” and she says “not a lot, but sometimes.” she then went on to tell me her entire anal sex history, from the first time a guy broke her anal virginity (she used that term, anal virginity), all the way through the 17th time she had anal sex, which was about three weeks ago. i asked her if she likes it, and she said the first time she did not, even though the guy was very gentle. she didn't get anything out of it. but over the next 16 times (!), she has begun to gain an appreciation for it. she didn't use these words, but she said something like (i) anal sex is an acquired taste, and (ii) anal sex is a much more subtle and different kind of pleasure from straight sex. i agreed with everything she had to say, all the while caressing and kissing said anal sphincter. funny, she yattered on while i rimmed away, what a perfect couple.
that lasted perhaps 10 minutes, and then we went straight into regular missionary sex. no anal at this point, as i wanted to pleasure her a little before knocking on her back door. if i went into her ass, i suspected that i would end within a matter of moments, so that was the very last thing on the menu. a desert of sorts. i had to eat my veggies, meat and potatoes before i could have my ice cream
so missionary for a while, but she was not coming. hmm, must not have the angle right. so i try a different angle, and i am getting whimpering and moaning, but nothing really earth shattering. hmm, i try a third angle, and the same old story. ok, time to bring out the secret weapon. i have a move, a special move, which is guaranteed* to bring a woman to climax. i only use it in the particularly difficult cases, as in this one. i do this partly because i don't want to over-use a good thing, and also because i want to save it for a possible later date with the girl (no fun if the sex is always the same – you have to have a secret which you can pull out when you really need something over her), and finally, it is a difficult maneuver to pull off. i'm obviously not going to divulge it here, but let's say it involves a lot of leg movements on my part, as well as plenty of variable angles of penetration.
right, so i start the maneuver, and she gasps as if she is about to die. yeah baby, my secret weapon. she opens her eyes and looks at me first with wonderment, and then as if i am a monster. hah! so i do it again, and she inhales air rapidly like she is about to dive into a swimming pool, and then she holds her breath. i do it again and she whimpers like a little girl as she exhales the air in her lungs. i then start to do it rhythmically, and she is just loving it. but you know, after a while she got used to it, and she stopped her crazy breathing and gasping. wtf? she repelled my special move!? damn she's a tough nut to crack.
so after a while, i look at her in puzzlement, and she looks back and says “i can only cum when i on top.” why the fuck didn't you say so lady? so we flip over, and at first she is gentle. she is slowly rocking back and forth, which is cool for me. and then she says “i can go faster?” to which i say “go as fast as you like baby, i want to see you cum.”
suddenly i am filled with pain and buzzing from all directions. i feel myself losing consciousness, and i fight back at it. as i regain my senses, i realize the pain is her going fucking batshit on my crotch. she was riding me like there was no tomorrow, and she had somehow contorted such that little kumbu was pressing *hard* against the upper side of her vaginal canal, the side that is the inside of the belly. furthermore, as she lifted and whacked herself back down onto me, her tail bone was absolutely smashing my balls – hence the almost-loss of consciousness. i first try to stop her from pounding me so hard, but have you ever tried to stop batshit? it's can't be done. it is a human impossibility – bat shit cannot be stopped. so i do the next best thing: i reach around her and pull my throbbing testicles out of the way of the meat pounder that is her tail bone. the pain begins to subside and i begin to regain my senses.
phew, that was close. so there i am, her jumping around like a monkey on crack, my dick being used as a dildo for her pleasure, and me pulling my ball-sack as hard as i can to keep it down and out of the way of the mortal danger that is her tail bone. that would make a good scene in a movie...not a good scene in real life, but in a movie: fabulous.
literally 60 seconds later, she screams out a loud, sustained, satisfying groan, and she collapses onto my chest. she whimpers about finishing too quickly, but i am glad it is all over. damn.
so she then leans back up and is sitting atop me, little kumbu still sheathed and tucked into her, and she apologizes for finishing so quickly. i ask her 'how many times you want to cum tonight?' she laughs and says 'one time is ok for me, two times is good, three times too much – hurting me.' so we agree to shoot for two – me thinking the worst is over. i didn't realize it would begin again right way.
suddenly the dizzying pain erupted once more. my vision blurred, well not really blurred, more like it went to static. bright, white static for a few seconds, and all i heard were screaming, high-pitched voices shouting something incoherent. i was vaguely aware of what was happening, and i was vaguely aware that, earlier, i had let go of my balls when she orgasmed, thinking the danger was over. i didn't realize it would materialize so quickly again and with not a shred of warning. so through the bright white light, the screaming, and the pain, i reached down and yanked my balls from beneath the pounder. as the pain dissipated, i was able to discern what the voices were screaming: “your balls, you dumb fuck! your balls!”
phew, survived it again. damn, she was like a machine, pounding away with such ferocity i could see why no man could make her cum from regular missionary position – you'd have to pound her like one of those street construction workers breaking up tarmac with the pneumatic pounder.
little kumbu was being used ruthlessly. she was literally using him like a dildo and he was being scraped against her insides like he was meaningless. you know, he's a sensitive little guy, and he doesn't like to be abused, at least not too often. and this was borderline abuse, i would say. the sensation was so unusual, it felt like thousands of ants were biting at my dick all at the same time. not good, yah?
i gritted my teeth, i twisted my head, i closed my eyes and i yearned for a better place. just when i thought it could not get any worse, she reaches down and starts to twist my nipples. aaaaaaaaaoooow. damn girl, that's just not right!
and before i could actually muster the shrill scream that was in my throat, she orgasmed and it was all so blissfully over. she apologized for finishing so quickly, and i told her, 'trust me, you do not have to apologize for finishing too quickly. maybe apologize for other things, but not that.' she didn't get it.
so little kumbu is a little scared at this point. i wasn't sure what to do, so i did what most people would do. i got what i wanted.
kumbu: you enjoy?
crazy *****: mmmmm.
kumbu: me no finish yet.
crazy *****: mmmmm
kumbu: me do you in ass, ok?
crazy *****: mmmmm
so i flipped her the fuck off of me (i am never letting her back on top of me again), and she falls off lazily. she is now sleepy from the double orgasm, which suits me fine. she falls onto her stomach and i mount her. i grab her ass cheeks with a little bit of venom in me, and i pull them apart for a good looksie. i see the flower bud, with an ever so slight amount of tuliping. hmm, i wonder if it really was three weeks since her last anal pounding. i ask her for gel, and she reaches into her purse and pops out a bottle of blue gel. i lube little kumbu up (although he was wet from being inside her), and then i drop a big glob of the stuff right into her butthole. i insert my finger into the asshole and rub the stuff around a little, being rougher than i normally would. she treated me like a fuck piece, i intend to do the same.
she is lying flat on the bed at this point, so i have to prop myself forward a little awkwardly, but it's ok – i'm going to fuck that ass, and fuck it hard, whether she makes it easy for me or not. she senses this awkwardness and pops her butt out a little, making for an easier entry. and little kumbu slips right in without a hint of difficulty. damn, this ain't the road less traveled. i insert about half way and then i start to feel her sphincter tighten up. so i slow down and start to thrust rhythmically. i thrust strong and deep, repeating, pulling out until the head almost pops past the sphincter, but not quite. i then thrust back in in a smooth, semi-forced motion, all the way until my hips hit her butt cheeks. and then repeat.
i think it must have lasted 10 strokes or so (perhaps that's being generous) and i popped an orgasm. to tell the truth, it was almost a relief to get that cum out of me so i could kick her the hell out of my room.
i came, and i was about to pull out when she reached around and held me, indicating i should stay inside her. hmm, that's odd. most girls want you out asap so they can shower, or at least get your boys away from their private parts. but she wanted me to stay inside her ass for a while, and she wanted us to talk. ah yes, primate bonding behavior.
so what do we talk about? well, she starts to tell me about her first lesbian experience. and then her second, and then her third. hmm, this girl is seriously weird. she has tried it all. i am listening quite avidly at this point about the stories of party sex, drugs, bondage, etc. wow. but all of that was not enough to wash away the memory of the ants eating little kumbu and the screaming voices in my head. so as soon as there was a lull in the conversation, i pulled out, showered and asked her to leave.
i paid her 2500baht. i know that was generous, but i figured she did give me some anal, even if it was accompanied by insects to the genitals and cbs (crushed ball syndrome). i figured the former was a way to please me, and the latter were not really intended to hurt me. i hope spider and scorpion had better nights than i did.
*guarantee not valid in las vegas, fkks, or with crazy fucking bitches who like to mutilate male genitals.
Has the disco (ie: Bossy, Climax, etc) scene changed much with the drop in tourists?
I like to go out to the discos, as I find the quality of the FLer's is best there and the party girl types are usually a good time. Of course, in high season when packed with horny farangs, the hot ones are not only selective on price, but also on who they will go with (I've noticed the ones who travel in packs of hotties tend to go for the young 20 something guys).
Anyway, I will be back in Thailand soon and was wondering what the disco scene is like now post red shirt antics and the accompanying drop in farangs- coupled with it being low season for a serious 1-2 punch. Are the clubs still crowded with the girls still being selective as per above, or has the lack of tourists changed the game at all in our favour?
Also, from the general reports I've been reading here, it almost sounds like it is business as usual now. Is that the case, or has there been a change? A girl I know in BKK told me that 2 of her friends who have worked as FLer's for a couple of years are now working in go go bars to get a more steady income. Granted, this was right after the curfew ended, so they could have reverted back as things improved. Any observations?
Now THAT'S a Nice Turn of Phrase
[QUOTE]Sukhumvit - the girls along lower Suk are an argument for cleaning up this city - a Blade Runner melange of fat Africans, aggressive lady boys and run down looking girls.[/QUOTE]Excellent imagery! Enjoyed the rest of the report as well.
Kudos.
Bunky
