RTF in Lisbon. Or, ripped off at Elefante Branco.
For those of you who might not know what a RTF is little me tell you a story. I went to Gallery Saturday. They way Gallery works is if you look acceptable you can enter without a cover charge. You want to know what's acceptable? So do I. I was dressed in dockers, a dress shirt and a rain jacket. Plus, I'm black. So, they charged me 50 Euros.
Just kidding.
I paid no cover charge, but I am black. There is an confusing story about being black in Lisbon and going to the gp clubs but I'll save that one.
I ordered orange juice and price was never mentioned. None of the girls approached me for the first 20-30 minutes. Finally, an average blond, who thought I looked lonely (or was a sucker) came over. We hit it off and I bought her a orange juice. I decided to take her back to the hotel. She requested 200 Euros but I responded that the forum at gp-pt (yes, I can read and speak basic Portuguese) said that they pay only 100-150 Euros. Some girls start higher but as the night gets shorter, the price gets lower. In the end she agreed to 150 Euros plus taxi. No time limit was discussed but she stayed from about 1:30am until 5am. The drinks came to 12 and 15 Euros for orange juice. Lady drinks cost more at the Gallery. Plus, I had to pay a bar fine of 5 Euros.
I took out the blond, Adriana (club name) , great, great girl. My personal GOAT. I had a true GFE. It was like she was reading my mind. She did everything they way I wanted without having to ask. Great, great girl though average looks. We talked and went at it on and off for about 3 hours. Unbeknownst to me, I still haven't recovered.
Just like a man, I had to see if I could do better.
Dumb ass.
I just got back from Elefante Branco. I knew Monday could be an off night but I decided to take a chance. When I arrived (wearing a similar outfit as described above) , I tried to enter the club through the doorman. He wouldn't move.
1st sign of impending disaster.
After he interviewed me (I decided to speak only English so I wouldn't be confused with some African or whatever) , he let me in without a cover charge telling me that I had to buy a drink, orange juice there only costs 10 Euros. FYI, the interview was a test of my Americanness. No kidding.
After sitting alone for 5 minutes, a group of 4 girls called me over. They asked that I buy them a round. I declined. I must not have washed the sucker logo off of my face. The 4 girls (2 Romanians and 2 Brazilians) were average. The Romanian closest to me was very aggressive which is a turn off. One of the Brazilians spoke good English. I returned to my solitary existence. Later on, I realized the aggressive Romanian had a killer ass like Sandra Romain.
I saw this brown-skinned beauty with a small waist, bunda, perky breasts, long black hair and attractive face. I called her over. I thought she was nice and she said all of the right things. She mentioned that if I treated her well, she would treat me well. I mentioned how long would she stay at my hotel. She repeated that if I treated her well, she would treat me well. Also, she mentioned that she was a massagist. I was confused because why is a massagist working out of a gp club.
2nd sign of impending disaster: Not giving direct answers to direct questions.
Money, she wanted 250 Euros. When I originally told me about price, she told me 200E in the club or 250E at the club. I mentioned what I read at gp-pt. She claimed that girls who work for 150E will leave your hotel ASAP after arriving (my personal experience says that's wrong). I counter offered 200 Euros plus taxi. She accepted. I overpaid. Plus, she told me she has to use the club's special allergen-free condoms for the low, low price of 5E. WTF.
When we leave the club, I hailed a taxi, but she wanted to use the taxis (Elefante Branco approved taxistas) that were already waiting across the street. I hope you guys can see where this is going. The fucker takes the long way back to my hotel. I knew something was wrong once we reached a second traffic circle. Damn.
3rd sign of impending disaster: There was no kissing on the way to the hotel.
We weren't even married and she was kind of cold.
4th sign of impending disaster: Not much conversation in the hotel room.
After washing we hopped in the bed. She kissed very tight-mouthed. If my breath stank, I would NOT have cried if she said go brush.
There was no passion.
Then she acted as if I was John Holmes' twin brother or somebody. She tried to keep me from stroking using her legs. After I requested a position change, she started chanting and shit. Goza, goza, goza, goza, goza, goza, goza, goza, goza. Come, come, come, come, come, come, come.
5th sign of impending disaster: a chanting ass.
Since I wouldn't / couldn't come on cue, she removed the condom and began to dry stroke me. Ouch! Since that didn't work, she went all massagist on me. She rubbed my back for 5 minutes then went and took a shower.
She left.
So did my 210 Euros.
Final sign of impending disaster: when your money leaves prematurely.
Rio Tourist Fuck in Lisbon.
Sphere in Lisboa taking one for the team.
PS: When I called Elefante Branco to complain, all of a sudden nobody spoke English. Imagine that.
PPS: She claimed to be silicone free just like my penis according to her. Another lie.
PPPS: Don't ever pay more that 150 Euro for a gp unless she's the last girl on Earth or you're rich.
PPPPS: It's almost 4am, so if I have any grammatical errors too bad.
RTF in Lisbon. Or, ripped off at Elefante Branco. Additional info.
In respect to my RTF in Lisbon post, I forgot her identifying information.
She's a 26 year-old Brazilian from Sao Paulo who has been in Lisbon 6 months and plans to return to SP after a year. I think that she said her name was Milenia or something similar sounding, pronounced like Me Lane Knee Ya.
I found I that you can't post the word for female dog. That's understandable. So, when you get to "chanting ass" part of the post just insert the appropriate word.
Thanks
